The track I always play to rescue a dancefloor
LOFT: Yes

I don’t really have an SOS track, which says something about my limitations as a DJ. But I do have this deranged two-and-a-half minute drum solo, which should confuse the crowd long enough for me to slip out the nearest exit.

The track that currently gets the most rewinds
Gage & Kevin Jz Prodigy: Bad Bitch

I spend a lot of time behind the decks wondering whether a monstrous banger is actually a little too obscene for the moment. This track might be the most obscene of them all. When I do play it, it’s worth savouring the moment.

The track I’d play at my auntie’s wedding
Hall & Oates: I Can’t Go For That (No Can Do)

What can be said that hasn’t already been said about the indisputable greatest of all Dad Classics?

The track I’d play to show off my eclectic tastes
Venetian Snares: Winnipeg Is a Frozen Shithole

Frothing gabber-breakcore might be one of the last frontiers of good taste. I’m a sucker for it, though. Roll on next year’s Bang Face Weekender.

The track that got me out of bed this morning
Joanna Brouk: Invocation

I don’t tend to listen to music first thing: when you’re working with your ears all day, an hour of silence is golden. But I reckon this 36-second recording of an alpine horn would work great as an alarm.

The track I wish I’d never played
Meredith Monk: Gotham Lullaby

I love this song: the emotional chords, the nonsense lyrics, the ululating bits. The crowd in Amsterdam in 2014 definitely didn’t. In retrospect, I shouldn’t have insisted on playing an ambient set at 1am on a Friday.

The best track by my favourite new artist
K-Lone: In the Dust of This Plane

Brilliant, unplaceable sounds from a young British producer. The title makes me think of apocalypse, but I suspect the actual third world war won’t be anywhere near this poetic.

Minor Science plays No Bounds festival, Sheffield, 14 October