And the baker going home is... Keith.
You can just tell that Keith has enjoyed his time on Bake Off, even though it was short. And he’ll be remembered. I mean, we’ll never forget those tomatoes for one thing.
Oh, and next week is Bread Week. Is that Paul Hollywood’s speciality? Wish he would tell us. That would help us an awful lot.
Thanks so much for joining me on here. It’s a real treat to be on here with you each and every week. I’m @scottygb just about everywhere and I’ll see you next Tuesday, starting from 7.30pm (Bake Off starts at 8pm.)
See you later babes!
Star Baker is... Tasha!
Nope, not Josh! Despite that Showstopper. What a shock.
Still. Tasha deserved it though.
Josh’s illusion bake has to be one of the most stunning looking bakes we’ve had in ages.
It is “Paul Fantastical Bread” lion worthy.
It also got a Handshake(!), something that I recall has only even been given once ever before (and yes, that was Rahul).
Josh's 'JJ's Burger & Fries' Illusion Biscuits Showstopper. #GBBO pic.twitter.com/hPgFptflwW
— British Bake Off (@BritishBakeOff) October 3, 2023
Nicky’s steak is in a bowl that is also edible.
And her laugh her laugh is delightful.
Dan’s illusion chips are a little bit burnt, but when are oven chips not?
That’s very much the point, Prue.
Saku’s Sri Lankan breakfast is also getting rave reviews.
This just makes it all the more likely that Keith is going home tonight.
Abbi’s steamer basket looks like it is actually made out of bamboo.
A strong filling, but isn’t that what we all want.
Dana’s floating pizza looks remarkable.
It’s like a Chicago deep dish pizza, although not sure that was intended.
Keith next. His tomatoes are essentially blobs.
He always gets compliments on his flavours, but the presentation sadly hasn’t been here today.
Looks like delightful Keith might be on his way out.
Keith's 'Seaside Meal Deal' Illusion Biscuits Showstopper. #GBBO pic.twitter.com/DmRFhX34KT
— British Bake Off (@BritishBakeOff) October 3, 2023
And now the third cheeseboard.
I’m just imagining eating three cheese boards in a row now. Real ones.
He’s received a great review too. Is anyone not going to get a good review?
Loving how questionably vague Rowan is being while introducing his charcuterie board.
Rowan: “That’s a spiced black pepper, gingerbread type thing.”
A bit soft, but aren’t we all.
Cristy next, with the first one of our three upcoming charcuterie boards.
Paul: “I think you have done well.”
It’s the showstopper judging.
And it’s starting with Tasha, who was warned by Paul that he wants this showstopper to be as good as her signature (which got a handshake.) Will she succeed?
It does look like a chicken katsu, especially with the reflective gloss on what is supposed to be the curry.
Paul: “I love the crunch, the flavour, the texture is spot on.”
Prue: “Both of those biscuits are perfect.”
Phew.
hahahahha
We’re only really seeing close-ups of all the illusions, so you can’t really see who has been performing well or poorly.
But one thing is evident. Out of all of them, Josh’s burger illusion is on another level.
Saku is cooking real onions next to her bake that looks like something else. If you’re following this, I salute you.
Nicky is baking a wee bit of steak. If you’re following this, she’s said “wee” six times now.
Isn’t it a lovely relief that (so far) Alison and Noel haven’t resorted to silly skits for their timecalls.
Channel 4 have been cheeky with 90 minute episodes for the series opener and first few episodes. We then (usually) head back to 75 minutes, so a less adbreak too.
Bake Off is just too long, but at least we get to stretch our legs.
I don't usually watch regular TV. 3 ad breaks in like 15 minutes? I don't remember ad breaks being this numerous in the past (like 10 years ago). Am I misremembering?
Updated
Really thought Keith was going to make a Tesco meal deal illusion for a second, not going to lie.
But disaster for him already. His shells have completely collapsed.
If only if he had one of Abbi’s fortune cookies to find out what will happen next.
I bet it would say: “Your shells have completely collapsed.”
Abbi is making fortune cookies alongside her dimsum in her illusion cake.
“Watch out, things are getting IN TENTS.”
Abbi, I’m pretty sure fortune cookies are supposed to predict the future, not the present.
Rowan is baking a charcuterie board illusion: “I love a charcuterie night with all my mates. It’s nice to get everyone round the dinner table … and gorge on smelly cheese.”
I also went to the University of York and I did not live this lifestyle.
Noel arriving at Cristy’s workstation:
Noel: “What’s happening here? Is that bacon?”
Cristy: “It is supposed to look like parma ham.”
Noel: “Oh yeah it does look like parma ham.”
Alison Hammond, literally five seconds later: “Oh look at that BACON!”
Hilarious.
Josh is baking a burger and fries that tastes of florentine patties and orange shortbread.
Also enjoy Alison Hammond saying “well done” as she leaves his workstation when he hasn’t actually done anything yet.
Paul: “We want the biscuits to look good, taste good, but taste like something else.”
I still have no idea what this challenge is exactly.
Can we just have the bakers depict their dogs in cakes again?
The showstopper challenge is an illusion biscuit display depicting their favourite meal.
So much for ‘back to basics’ showstoppers.
This feels like they have thrown a dart on a dartboard with random words on again.
Wait wait there’s a woodworking-style Bake Off show with Mel from Mel & Sue? Baffling.
11. Keith (poor Keith!) 10. Saku. 9. Christy. 8. Tasha. 7. Dana. 6. Josh. 5. Matty. 4. Nicky. 3. Rowan. 2. Dan 1. Abbbbiiii
Keith looks like he’s in proper trouble now, after a messy signature. Also a little bit worried for Saku and Dana. And I hate saying this, but I’m a wee bit worried for Nicky.
See what you did there.
Quick recap of these reviews: Matty’s biscuits needed longer in the oven. Tasha’s were too soft, Cristy has too little definition. Josh’s has a bit of colour and good piping. And Dan’s has a good top and bottom and is well filled (looks to camera).
Oh and Nicky’s has a wee bit of definition. Dana’s is unevenly filled. Saku’s custard curdled. Abbi’s is “better than a commercial custard cream” (no, I still won’t bake one Paul and Prue.) Keith’s is like rubber (poor Keith). And Rowan? Slightly unbaked.
It’s the custard creme technical judging.
Paul and Prue are going to have a wee taste of each. I’m sorry.
I have also decided that I would have just gone to the shops rather than bake these.
Rowan: “This one is going to be a top. This one is going to be a bottom.”
*Looks to camera*
You know what you’re doing, Rowan.
“I’m going to be mentally scarred and I’m never going to be able to eat custard creams again.”
I mean, as trauma goes …
Nicky just said “it’s a pretty little pattern.”
Please can we make Nicky the continuity announcer on Channel 4 before the end of the series?
BAKE OFF SCANDAL! Cristy has accidentally used Rowan’s biscuit dough after he put it in the freezer.
This has happened before. Who could forget the time Deborah accidentally used Howard’s custard on her trifle?
Thankfully, she had only rolled it out for him. And to his benefit, she had also done it well.
Paul Hollywood: “Custard creams. Do you think it is too simple?”
Paul looks down at 12 custard creams that look like they came out of the packet as I remember that the contestants only have 90 minutes to make them.
Me: “No.”
Thank goodness they have a stamp to punch the pattern on the custard creme, though. I was half expecting them to be forced to carve it out themselves.
Congratulations to Cristy for saying the first “I’ve never baked one, but I’ve eaten one of these” during a technical challenge this series.
The technical challenge is… perfectly baked custard creams.
Noel and Alison just listed specifics. It was basically the word custard over and over.
What I love about Bake Off is that, in a show that is all about baking, sometimes a contestant comes out with something rather unexpectedly deep.
Like this, from our wee friend Nicky reflecting on that signature: “You can’t be worried about these things because they’re done. And I can’t be worried about it and so you just have to enjoy the moment, keep smiling. Because that’s what life is all about, isn’t it?”
Paul: “I think they’re delicate, I think they’re pretty and I have to.”
Tasha is awarded the first HOLLYWOOD HANDSHAKE of the series.
Keith’s Letter from America biscuits look like they were drop-kicked over your fence by Yodel.
And Nicky has said “wee” twice and “deary me” in the last minute alone.
“They are a bit messy, but they are exciting and impressive.”
Enough about me Prue. What about the biscuit?
Well done to the person on Bake Off production who timed the music to correspond with the sound of Paul cutting into the biscuit base, there.
Decent reviews from Josh and Matty and Cristy too. All of them dealt well with quite subtle flavours.
Rowan’s Palma Violet marshmallow biscuits were deemed to be “amazing” and “perfect” by Prue, and they looked “neat as a pin.” He’s quickly becoming a strong contender.
Saku’s bake also has flying colours, with the only feedback being that they needed longer in the oven. The shortest “awwww” by Saku then follows.
*acts cool* hiiiiii Michael HIIIIIIIIIIII!
Guardian contributor not to brag but I 100% made these in the tent four years ago in 15 minutes less time (please praise me)
It’s the signature judging … starting with Dana.
“Did you drop three of them?,” says Prue. From the judges who said “did you sit on them” to Tasha last week. I swear to God.
Dana gets a “delicious” from Prue, but is too potent for Paul.
OK is it marshMALLOW or marshMELLOW?
I've noticed quite a few people pronounce "marshmallow" as "marshmellow". Alison is one of them.
We’re now seeing the bakers demoulding their marshmallows. It’s disastrous for Dana, with several marshmallows breaking as they come out of the shell.
She responds with the line: “I can hide a lot of stuff with glitter.” Great advice for life.
Bless BSL interpreter Daryl providing such lovely words for Tasha at the end of the challenge.
Keith 10 minutes ago: “Making Wagon Wheels will be lots of fun!”
Narrator: It wasn’t.
Nicky: “Just putting my jam on top of the biscuit. Not too much, just a wee layer.”
God I love Nicky so much.
It’s very hard for Rowan, having to alter his recipe as he goes now Paul and Prue have told him they don’t like Parma Violets.
Wish the bakers just received a long list of flavours the judges don’t like in advance so they can just swerve, rather than dealing with a mountain of unnecessary anxiety.
Rowan, who last week said he baked a wedding cake for his birthday, is now including Parma Violets in his marshmallow, a sweet that most of Gen Z has likely never heard of.
He’s such an unpredictable man, and that just makes his presence all the more compelling.
I love that Abbi’s backstory was basically “she grew up in Tunisia and now she aerial hoops” or something.
Alison: “Do you bake biscuits often?”
Saku: “Not very often. At least once a week.”
Everyone at home: once a week?
Noel: “I thought I was your biggest fan.”
Alison’s reaction is priceless. What a dream addition to the tent she is.
Alison Hammond is the saviour of Bake Off pic.twitter.com/xYchuHzJ5T
— Scott Bryan (@scottygb) October 3, 2023
What a great addition to the show Alison is.
Noel to Josh: “I think you’re living the way that everyone wants to live. Rugby, not sure about. Just getting pounded in the cold.”
Well, when you put it that way Noel.
Updated
NICKY HAS A DOG CALLED HAGGIS.
Yes, that is worth writing that in capitals.
Remember, it wouldn’t be Channel 4 Bake Off without challenges consisting of bakes they could have just gone to the shops and bought.
If you’re just joining us, Noel Fielding just said that he has a tattoo of Bake Off Winner Rahul on his bum. Good evening.
“Matty and his partner Lara first locked eyes in their local gym. Eight years later they’re planning their wedding.”
I know, single people. I know.
So we kick off biscuit week with marshmallow teacakes, biscuits that aren’t actually biscuits.
Figures.
oh no oh NO!
Love that Keith seeks validation for his bakes so much that his nickname is “Needy Ned.”
He’s already had enough of Noel and Alison ambushing him for interviews, and it’s only week two of a 10-week competition. Protect him.
Alison Hammond advocating that the marshmallow biscuits should be as big as possible is such a mood.
We’re literally one minute into the challenge and Nicky, with her trademark Scottish accent, has mentioned Tunnocks Teacakes. Delightful.
The signature challenge … is 12 identical marshmallow biscuits.
The Wagon Wheel copyright department’s ears are burning!
Dana: “Last week was very stressful. But it’s a new week, it’s a new day, it’s a new dawn.”
So close. But in the spirit of Drag Race, you’re supposed to say “It’s a new day in the werkroom.”
Oh no the bad skits at the start of Bake Off are back.
Updated
Also, I should have said last week, there is a fully BSL-interpreted version of Bake Off going out at exactly the same time as the Channel 4 episode. You can find it on the channel 4Seven.
The episode will also be available on the Channel 4 website afterwards.
Updated
Last week we sadly said goodbye to Amos, whose killer whale failed to kill the competition. He also had a photo of a killer whale on his workstation. It was probably placed there by producers, but I like to think it was there for inspiration.
As there are so many bakers at the moment it can be rather difficult to remember who is who. So here is a cut out and keep guide of stuff that happened with each of them last week*
Abbi, 27: She forages for fun, adding them as ingredients into her bakes. Fancy.
Cristy, 33: Her animal cake showstopper caused me to type “The gloss on Cristy’s mallard is gorgeous” in the liveblog.
Dan, 42: Last week’s Star Baker. He also brews his home beer that, in his own words, tastes disgusting.
Dana, 25: She said “I’m baking my dog Gracie.” It was, in the end, a depiction of her dog, rather than the dog itself.
Josh, 27: He baked a Highland cow in honour of his Mum. I have not taken this out of context.
Keith, 60: Last week he said “My animal cake will be a small poodle I am the step-father to.” I’m sure you don’t need to know anything else.
Matty, 28: He was the one who curdled his buttercream three times. I’m also sad to announce that, for you single people out there, he is unfortunately taken.
Nicky, 52: Where to start. She has the best accent imaginable. And she made the beaver.
Rowan, 21: Made a lobster animal cake that tasted like a cosmopolitan. After revealing that he had baked a wedding cake for his own birthday, Alison Hammond responded: “I love you, it’s because you’re worth it isn’t it, babe?” Amazing.
Saku, 50: She received a “Hollywood Hug,” rather than a Hollywood Handshake. Later, after being asked by Noel “where can you go from a hug?,” she replied with a simple “Home.”
Tasha, 27: Received the criticism “did you sit on it?” when she presented her cake to Paul, but came through last week unscathed. She’s also joined by Daryl, who is her BSL interpreter.
Updated
Well hello babes and welcome to The Great British Bake Off liveblog for the Guardian.
Didn’t Alison Hammond fit in well as the new Bake Off host last week? Despite the continuation of some overly harsh criticisms by Paul and Prue (grrr), the series opener was a return to form.
Not only did we have some delightful bakers, but also straightforward challenges and a technical that didn’t cause us all to despair. Long may it continue with biscuit week!
Keith ‘have I forgotten anything?’. Yes what a tomato looks like.