The Great British Bake Off: episode seven – as it happened

Well, that was an episode of Bake Off that happened.

Bake Off has gone off the boil again. But it has been a joy once more to watch / cling on through the episode. See you next week, where apparently it is Party Week. Although, after that episode, who is in the right mind to celebrate?

In the comments, a lot of you are worried that Saku is leaving.

Saku: “You are in DANGER!”

Then she bursts into laughter. If she leaves this week it’ll be a real, real shame.

Cristy’s looks like a conker from the outside, but has had criticisms for the interior being a bit messy. Cristy could be going bombe after that review.

So … Cristy and Saku at the bottom then?

Dan has attempted to bake the entire world, with a trifle that looks like the Earth’s core.

He’s got great reviews too, and is clearly through to next week.

Saku next, with the beehive-inspired bombe. It is clear that one half of the bombe did not work at all, but it still looks clearly delightful.

The choux buns are deemed to be a bit flat. Worried for Saku now.

Matty’s bombe looks spectacular from the outside, but is seen to be a bit messy.

The basil and strawberry combination has not gone down too well. He’s at slight risk of leaving.

Tasha next, with her plum and ginger meringue and … no jar nearby!

Somehow the whole thing has managed to remain intact, unlike us.

She’s complimented on the flavours too. I reckon she’s through to next week.

Oh my GOD. Tasha’s bombe has fallen apart the moment she stepped away from her work station.

So she’s using a small jar nearby to hold it together.

God bless that jar. Keep doing it. You’re doing the Lord’s work.

CRACK WATCH:

Cristy: 7/10.

Saku: 9/10

The rest of us after watching this episode: 1000/10.

Prue: “There’s a danger that all of them could collapse.”

Paul: “We want to see some good baking. No mess ups today … it was bad though, wasn’t it?”

His relishing when the baker’s fail is just diabolical.

Saku. who is the bomb, is still baking the second half of her bombe with 30 minutes left.

It’s pretty clear that whoever comes last in this challenge is likely going home today.

In a feature I’m calling crack watch (yep, I can’t believe I’m getting paid for this either) Matty’s spheres look vulnerable, but have come out of their moulds OK.

Cristy’s has cracked on the inside, but looks fine on the outside (this feels very relatable.)

But Tasha’s. Oh no. One of Tasha’s cracked so she’s having to cut hers out with scissors.

Tasha is making a plum and ginger meringue bombe, with plum craquelin.

And Cristy is making a croquembouche tour, with a raspberry glaze and summer berry filling.

The whole thing is essentially going to look like a tower of Ferrero Rochers. She is spoiling us!

Oh, and Saku is baking her bombe in two parts, which will be full to the brim of passion fruit and pistachios.

She’s having to poke little holes in the profiteroles, just to ensure they don’t collapse.

“I am making little bumholes,” she says.

Right, that’s it. I’m calling it. I want Saku to win The Great British Bake Off 2023.

Paul has now come round to Saku’s workbench, uttering “you let me down.”

Saku: “Please let it go.”

YES, Saku! We’re all saying the same thing. Thank you for speaking for the nation once more.

Josh is making a Wimbledon-themed bombe, with mascarpone whipped cream and shortcake rackets, topped with miniature rackets.

Paul Hollywood really encouraging everyone in the tent there, by telling them that they have let him down.

Dan’s making a trifle, but Prue is concerned that it will all end up being a bit moist.

“This is make or break.”

Well, that’s sort of the plan there Dan. It’s meringue.

Matty is making a bombe with a pistachio sponge and a strawberry and basil mousse, inside a French meringue bombe, and he’s using icing sugar to hold it all together.

“You don’t make meringue bombes every day,” says Alison, without having asked Saku first, who probably bakes them weekly.

Prue: “You can’t have Paul Hollywood disappointed.”

Me: Meh. Not that bothered now to be honest.

We’re now seeing Paul and Prue introduce the challenge (AKA they say ‘perfection.’)

Prue: “There’s a terrific danger that they will crack.”

Why does it feel at the moment that Bake Off is hoping the bakers fail?

This is not why we watch the show.

And what is just as annoying as that technical?

Paul and Prue now moaning about how disappointed they are.

They’re going to be like that all showstopper, aren’t they?

Prue: “That was the worst Bake Off technical.”

You don’t need to tell us that Prue.

A lot of reaction by you lot to that technical.

SMCanary

07 November 2023 8:39pm

Ugh. The producers have been shaving off needed time for years and it’s finally showing that it doesn’t make for good viewing. Mean of Hollywood being so disparaging in face of a group of bakers trying their best in a no win situation.

pretentiouspenguin

07 November 2023 8:37pm

Given all of them messed up, it's clear that the challenge was either too difficult or they didn't have enough time. This was on the judges and producers.

Bake Off never used to be like this. The overly harsh challenges that try to catch the bakers out have only come about since the Channel 4 years.

When viewers started to call these cruel challenges out, the show made a commitment to go back to basics. And it all worked, thankfully, for a while.

But that technical it feels like we’re back to square one again. A lot of the good will we had for this series has suddenly evaporated, like the steam was supposed to do from those puddings (if the bakers were given enough time, of course.)

And the rankings. If I had the choice, I would put Prue and Paul at the bottom.

6. Matty (“It’s a disaster.”) 5. Saku (“terrible.”) 4. Cristy. 3. Josh. 2. Dan (“I’m afraid we’re still on terrible.”) 1. Tasha (“Not as terrible, but at least it is edible.”)

Tasha takes it in her stride though. A win is a win.

Here are their critiques: Cristy’s is inedible. Saku’s are inedible and stodgy. Josh’s are inedible and needed longer in the oven. Tasha’s can be tasted. Dan’s has ‘some elements of a bake.’ And Matty’s are terrible and somehow burnt.

I’ll repeat what I said earlier. Don’t blame the bakers. Blame the show.

And for the second time in Bake Off history, a baker has served the steam bakes phallic.

Never forget Yan.

And …. oh god … everyone’s bakes are raw. Every single one.

Even Alison and Noel have noticed how bad this is going for everybody.

Noel just uttered: “This is a car crash.”

I am so angry. What is the point of this, apart from humiliation?

Don’t blame the bakers for this. Blame the show.

Alison: “Why do you not like technical bakes?”

Saku: “Because it is not the full instructions, isn’t it?”

Saku. I could not have put it any better!

What is the point of limiting the instructions? Apart from setting them up to fail? Do all great bakers need to know you need to cook steamed puddings for 40 minutes?

Cristy and Saku are putting the bakes in the oven for 25 minutes.

Tasha is putting her steamed puddings in the oven for 20 minutes.

At this rate it looks as if Matty will end up putting them in the microwave for a couple of minutes.

This is quickly turning into a disaster.

God, I’m so over this.

And because they haven’t been told how long to bake, halfway through the challenge none of the bakers have put their bake into the oven yet.

I have paused Bake Off as the instructions have briefly come up on screen.

And it’s official … they have not told the bakers how long to put their bakes in the oven.

Instead it just says “steam in a bain marie in the oven.” That’s it. This is so annoying.

Matty is having to make even more caramel.

Well, at least he’s had some practice.

Paul says they have to put the steamed puddings into the oven for at least 40 minutes to ensure they bake properly.

I bet they haven’t told the bakers how long to put their steamed puddings in the oven, just to catch them out. If so, this challenge will be infuriating.

Paul Hollywood every week: “The killer thing about this is the timing.”

THEY ONLY HAVE AN HOUR AND A HALF PAUL.

Saku: I haven’t made these before so I’m going to be reading the instructions.

I bet the instructions are just “1. Bake the orange and ginger treacle puddings.”

Matty has … somehow … pulled this out of the bag!

His chai flavour has been complimented, even though they are overbaked.

Considering he had to bake this three times to get these done and hardly had any time to cool them afterwards, that’s quite a feat.

Saku’s mini watalappan creme caramels look perfect, but are too sweet apparently.

Josh’s, despite being slightly overbaked, has been awarded for its flavours.

Tasha’s bakes were a ‘swimming pool’ of sweetness.

That was a criticism from Paul, by the way.

And the flavour is ‘lacking in direction’ too, whatever that means.

Alas … the bubbles really were a bad omen for Cristy.

The orange and caramel were too solid and had been boiled inside.

Matty: “I wasn’t expecting to get them out.”

He’s referring to the challenge, there. The challenge.

And now it is crunch time.

Josh, Saku, and heck, even Matty’s caramels have come out of the moulds successfully.

But Cristy has little bubbles, which suggest they have been overbaked.

And Dan’s have collapsed entirely.

A really touching moment from Josh, as he talks about his butterfly decoration.

Josh: “Towards the end my nan said that whenever you see a butterfly, that’s me watching.”

He has so much love for her.

As the caramels need to wobble so they can be removed from their moulds, we’re officially on Wobble Watch!

Tasha’s caramels: wibbly wobbly.

Saku’s: in her own words “bibbly bobbly.”

Matty’s: thoughts and prayers.

Matty’s have crystallised for a third time. So he’s made the equivalent of 36 caramels. Gosh.

I’ve realised that creme caramels are one of the uses of the leftover glass Gu pot you have kept in your cupboards for the past six months just in case you need it for something.

My housemate has kept like 30 Gu pots in our cupboards, so that’s something. Not sure he’ll be baking 30 creme caramels any time soon.

Saku is making her bake inspired by her mum.

Josh is also baking for his nan, with a framed photo nearby.

I don’t mind it when the bakers mention a loved one, even if it risks verging on feeling like a sob story from X Factor. But what would happen if the bake goes horribly wrong and they worry they’ve let someone else down as well as themselves?

All you lot coping really well with the curry creme caramels.

emasl2023

07 November 2023 8:04pm

CURRY ?????

Matty’s caramel has crystallised and he is going to re-do it all.

He’s now remaking all … 12 caramels. OK. I now realise there’s a downside to this plan.

Matty is making 12 caramels, rather than the traditional eight, so there’s more margin for error.

To be honest, I don’t know why this isn’t more of a thing on Bake Off. Just make three times the number of bakes you need, then serve the top 40%.

Tasha is deciding to use rosemary flavoured creme caramels.

Tasha: “How do you know when you have reached the right amount of rosemary?”

Tasha: “I’ll wing it.”

I don’t know how you can pass comment, Paul. The bakers were all forced to wing it with the thyme in the technical last week.

Paul Hollywood: “They can introduce flavours into the custard but it has to be the star of the show.”

Dan: “I’m baking Thai green curry creme caramel.”

Prue Leith’s reaction: Good lord.

My reaction: Good lord.

Matty says he is dealing with imposter syndrome so far in this series. He has to get over it, because he’s certainly come on in leaps and bounds since episode one.

It appears that one of the bakes this week will be deemed disgusting by Paul.

Charming.

Oh, and it looks like it takes place during this week’s technical.

We have already had references to cat pee and spotted dick. We’re 60 seconds in.

You’re watching Channel 4.

As always, let’s start with a catch up of last week’s Bake Off.

Cristy: What a rollercoaster last week was for her! After coming first in the technical, her white chocolate ganache cracked after coming out of the mould. She stepped out of the tent in tears, recovered, gave it another go, and pulled it off in the final moments.

Dan: He went over to comfort Cristy during her showstopper, then helped Dana finish her floral box dessert too. Dan is indeed the man.

Josh: Came out with the most middle-class quip in the tent last week: “We would grow hibiscus flowers in our conservatories and we would see who could grow the most.”

Matty: It was a bit touch and go when he admitted that he didn’t know what botanicals were at the start of botanical week, and had an underwhelming signature, but still found a way through. He’s truly the underdog of the series.

Saku: The People’s Champion. I can’t get over the clapbacks she gives to Paul and Prue when they stop by her workstation. Last week, her spiced buns were all in different sizes due to her poor calculations. When Paul mentioned that her day job is in accountancy, Saku responded with a firm “shhhhhh!”

Tasha: After a week when her bakes were deemed to be “rough and ready,” she pulled off a heavenly elderflower and hibiscus floral dessert.

And we said goodbye to Dana: A constant, positive queen. Even when she left the tent she was giggling. An absolute inspiration to us all.

“I’m so proud of myself,” she said as she left the tent. “I feel like I’ve smashed it.” ❤️

STAR BAKER WATCH Josh got Star Baker last week, unbelievably for the first time. Tasha has two Star Bakers, with Cristy, Dan and Matty having one each. Of course, all of this means nothing as anyone can leave the tent at any time.

Hello babes and welcome to the Guardian’s Bake Off liveblog. I’m Scott Bryan. And this week… It’s dessert week!

Yep, I have no real idea what differentiates dessert week from all the other weeks. But then again last week, botanical week, led me to assume that it would be entirely about flowers, until spiced buns came up in the signature. So what would I know?

It was an infuriating episode last week, but it has nothing to do with the bakers. The technical challenges seem to be falling into bad habits again. The bakers were all criticised for not adding enough thyme into their lemon and thyme drizzle cake.

But why did their bakes not contain enough thyme? Because the instructions didn’t say how much thyme they should add. I really hope they sort it out this week.