The Great British Bake Off: episode eight – as it happened

Now in full Party Week cleanup mode. Bin bags. Angry neighbours. Random stranger passed out in the kitchen. Thank you for all for coming. Where’s the afters?

Oh it seems to be here.

HepzibahTurner2

14 November 2023 9:05pm

Right, so I have decided to have a beige party - beige sausage rolls, beige cheese straws, beige vol au vents, beige samosas and spring rolls,Twiglets, crisps and mince pies!
Anyone coming?

Next week on Bake Off… Dan will no doubt say that he wants to go to the pub.

Thanks for reading. See you next week.

Is Paul Hollywood King of Bread? Weird, that’s never been talked about before.

OK. That’s it. Josh is easily Star Baker, even though his signature and technical were underwhelming.

Good god, how did Josh pull this entire Christmas range out of the bag? He has managed to bake choux buns, macarons and Christmas puddings all at the same time. What a wonder.

Dan’s contain chicken curry dinosaurs, lemon biscuit fossils and dinosaur eggs. This is such a random challenge I don’t know what to expect any more.

I love how the bakes being “beige” is the worst criticism imaginable in this challenge.

Tasha’s buffet looks delightful, but the milk bread pigs with their tiny faces are the true success. They look absolutely exquisite. Oink oink oink.

Paul also sniffs it, which will never be weird.

While Viennese whirls are unbaked, the flavours are deemed to be perfect. Even though she hasn’t wowed the judges, based on how well the signature and the technical challenges I reckon she could be in line for Star Baker this week.

Matty’s sport buffet contains a cricket ball curry pie, orange cupcake golf course and creme brulee donut basketballs.

Prue compliments Matty on a different looking finish on each one of his creations, but with the texture slightly off when eating them. Overall, a good attempt.

genuinely starting to think this too.

Toesturnedin

14 November 2023 8:46pm

I can see Matty winning this.

It appears that the bakers have to bake a lot of things in this challenge, rather than just one creation. It therefore becomes a challenge around timing, but also the bakers being judged on their ability on being able to bake completely different items at the same time.

This challenge is also about trying to be creative but not so ambitious that you run out of time entirely. It is an interesting challenge to set them. It also appears it has contained a great deal of running.

Cristy is doing a Wonka-themed showstopper, with beef and onion patties shaped like sweets.

And Tasha is doing a farmyard buffet with choux bun lambs and milk bread pigs.

I feel like I’m just typing random words into the computer now.

Just a reminder that if you banned beige you would ban all of the following foods.

For shame.

PE teacher Matty is making a golf course of chocolate and orange cupcakes. If you’re thinking that is weird to read, imagine having to write it out.

Dan is doing a prehistoric themed buffet (sure, why not), with dinosaur feet curry pies, cake pop stones and white chocolate dinosaur eggs in chocolate nests.

No, I didn’t ask a chatbot to predict what Dan was going to bake here.

The party is very much over.

Lidoswimmer

14 November 2023 8:32pm

I may see some of those cakes in my nightmares

Sentences you only hear on Bake Off #25465

emasl2023

14 November 2023 8:31pm

"i forgot to pipe antennae"

love it

And here are the rankings: 5. Dan 4. Josh (that’s a surprise!) 3. Matty. 2. Cristy (she did better than I expected!) 1. Tasha (Paul: “this has all the elements in place.”)

So Matty and Tasha are juggling for Star Baker this week.

Dan and perhaps Cristy at the bottom? Josh is an outsider. It’s all to play for.

Here are Paul and Prue’s reviews: Matty’s caterpillar was too dry (have they ever eaten a caterpillar cake?) Cristy’s caterpillar was ‘slightly all over the place’ (I repeat, have they ever eaten a caterpillar cake?)

Tasha’s caterpillar is a delight, with special kudos given to the face of Noel Fielding she gave it. Josh’s caterpillar is a bit dry, while Dan’s caterpillar is a bit messy, overmixed and overbaked.

Oh my word, some of the facial expressions on these caterpillar cakes.

Half of them look like Thomas the Tank Engine at the end of a rave.

Gosh, Cristy is starting her Colin (other caterpillars are available) cake mixture for a second time halfway through the challenge, while Dan has cut the ridges on his caterpillar the wrong way.

“I think my cake might be a little bit dry,” says Matty, completely ignoring that’s literally how these cakes usually taste anyway.

The official ranking of caterpillar cakes are as follows.

1. Colin (from M&S)

2. Cuthbert (from Aldi)

3. Cecil (from Waitrose)

4. Morris (from Morrisons)

5. Slinky (from Tesco)

All the readers of this liveblog:

Expecting the technical recipe set by Paul and Prue to be like.

1. Go to M&S.

I usually criticise Bake Off whenever they do a technical challenge that you could simply buy from the shops, but not in this case. This is a simply inspirational turn of events.

Matty has got a handshake! Goodness … wow!

Betting on a classic sausage roll recipe has paid off in dividends. Matty is truly defying expectations. He has the potential to make it all the way to the final.

BANGS ON DRUM. Exactly.

CaressOfSteel

14 November 2023 8:20pm

Why don't they give them enough time? It wouldn't detract from the show in any way.

I was expecting Dan’s dim sum flavoured sausage rolls to look like dim sums, rather than sausage rolls. Paul and Prue aren’t particularly keen on the flavours either.

Slightly better news for Josh’s bake, whose Christmas themed sausage rolls were deemed to be a bit too dry. So, a typical sausage roll then.

And goodness, Cristy’s sausage rolls are soggy and underbaked. She’s clearly at the soggy bottom of the rankings so far.

Tasha’s ‘cider in the park’ sausages looked a little drunk, fitting the theme I suppose.

They also needed a little longer in the oven, but have a ‘heavenly’ taste according to Paul and Prue. She might get through this week.

Actually, bring back prawns. All is forgiven.

emasl2023

14 November 2023 8:07pm

brussel sprouts in a sausage roll?????

Thoughts and prayers on how dry Paul and Prue’s mouths are going to be after judging this challenge.

SIGH. OK.

While Dan and Josh have raced ahead and seem to have produced satisfying looking sausages (look, don’t go there), Tasha’s sausages are a bit uneven and have been rushed into the oven.

Cristy is also looking a bit flustered, claiming that her bakes are soggy.

Scott, come back. You’re working.

After Dan says that his partying days are long gone and he’s now in bed at 9.30, Alison follows it up with “my party is in my bed.”

Cristy then said “I can’t have it thick.”

Less than a minute later, Tasha says “nobody wants a small sausage.”

Then Dan says “you want a good mouthful, don’t you? I’ve given myself enough filling to have absolutely no excuses.”

*Turns television off and puts coat on*

OK, that’s enough. I’m going out for a walk.

Alison Hammond doing a conga only with Tasha’s BSL interpreter Daryl is such a mood.

Alison: “Imagine the party if you win this Bake Off.”

Tasha: “I imagine a party if I lose as well.”

You just know Saku is watching all of this at home, clapping.

Paul Hollywood every 10 seconds: “Sausage roll is one of my favourites.”

Also, I can see Josh’s turkey, stuffing and cranberry Christmas roll ending up in Pret.

OK, so Dan’s sausage rolls contain, among other things, prawns.

*Picks up the telephone*

Me: “Hello. Is that The Hague?”

Is Dan taking bets on how unpredictable he can make his bakes at the moment? Last week he baked Thai green creme caramels. This week he’s baking a dim sum-inspired sausage roll.

Paul Hollywood: “Next, you will be telling me there is a soy dip.”

Dan: “But there is a soy dip.”

Not only are sausage rolls Paul Hollywood’s favourite, Cristy has said that the recipe for her sausage rolls are from a Paul Hollywood online tutorial.

Cristy has clearly got a death wish this week. Wow.

Dan: “If you make an error, the judges are going to pounce on it.”

Sorry Dan, can you be more specific what week this is in relation to?

Narrator: “Last week on Bake Off …”

Please don’t remind us.

As always, here’s a recap of last week’s episode. Don’t worry, I’ve toned down my despair, just for you x

Cristy: She made a meringue that had cracked on the inside, but looked fine on the outside. The entire nation looked at the meringue, sighed and went “same.”

Dan: Did a Bake Off first with a Thai green creme caramel. Bizarrely, it got rave reviews. So now we’re terrified about what precedent this rave review has now set.

Josh: He made a Wimbledon-themed bombe showstopper, with mascarpone whipped cream topped with miniature shortbread tennis rackets. That’s right. It was the most middle class bake that has ever happened on Bake Off. And that’s saying something.

Matty: He decided to bake 12 creme caramels in the signature, rather than the eight Paul and Prue were asking for, simply so he could pick and choose the best ones. Unfortunately he then burned the mixture for the 12 creme caramels, twice, resulting in the equivalent of 24 completely inedible creme caramels.

Tasha: She came first place in the Technical That Shall Not Be Named with the review “not as terrible, but at least it is edible.” She responded with “a win is a win.” A WIN IS A WIN, TASHA!

And we said goodbye to Saku: During the technical, Alison asked: “Why do you not like technical bakes?” Saku responded: “Because it is not the full instructions, isn’t it?” And that is why we will all miss Saku, oh so very much.

STAR BAKER WATCH Josh won Star Baker for the second time, which means that he is drawn in the lead with Tasha. Cristy, Matty and Dan have won Star Baker once, which means that all the remaining bakers have won Star Baker at least once.

Hello babes and welcome to the Great British Bake Off. And … it’s party week!

Nope, no idea what that theme means either, but one thing is for sure – after last week I’m not sure we’re in the mood for celebrating.

The steamed pudding technical challenge last week felt like it was trying to catch all of the bakers out rather than being about the bakers honing their skills. The bakers were supposed to put their steamed puddings into the oven for 40 minutes, but the recipe didn’t contain timings, so pretty much all the bakers served up a raw mess. The entire challenge was only 90 minutes long, after all.

After Paul Hollywood was presented with universally stodgy, gloopy disasters, he pretended to walk out the tent, then made quips about how terrible the technicals were to all of the bakers for the rest of the episode. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: don’t blame the bakers for those bakes. Blame the show.

On top of all that, we said goodbye to our lovely Saku, whose constant nervous laughter, wit and clapbacks made this series such a delight. There are some great bakers still left in the tent, but without People’s Champion Saku, you start to wonder how much of a spark there will be for the rest of the competition. Anyway, pass the party poppers I guess.

text for Scott