Lost in showbiz: Marina Hyde's 2016 quiz

1. In January, Gwyneth Paltrow’s ­website, Goop, offered its best advice for curing a hangover. Was it:

   1. Look into not drinking in the first place. Not to be judgy or anything.

   2. Look into a four-hour workout. The best medicine!

   3. Look into the emergency room-like service available through the IV ­Doctor – they’ll send a nurse ­practitioner to your house to ­administer an IV cocktail.

   4. Look into a beer and an Egg McMuffin.

2. Also in January, renaissance plonker Noel Edmonds had to abandon a car journey because he “could not move”. To what did the former master of ­Crinkly Bottom attribute the traffic?

   1. His failure to use his famed “cosmic ordering” technique to pre-request smooth passage.

   2. Electrosmog.

   3. Britain being “full”.

   4. Rush hour.

3. Parsimonious parents David Furnish and Elton John revealed in March that they plan to give their children just “the basic”. According to further ­elaboration, which of the following is not included in the parenting package?

   1. A house.

   2. A car.

   3. All their basic needs being cared for so they never need to worry.

   4. A Picasso.

4. What was Richard Madeley ­talking about in April when he said: “I thought about fetching my .22 air rifle and shooting down the nasty ­little intruder. It would have been an easy one-shot snipe”?

   1. An owl in his airspace.

   2. A Russian MiG coming at him out of the sun.

   3. Santa’s sleigh.

   4. A drone that hovered above his ­garden while he cut his toenails in nothing but surfer shorts.

5. According to actorvists Tom Conti and Peter Egan, the word “luvvie” is as offensive as which other epithet?

   1. "Yid”.

   2. "Charlie" (as a reference to the Viet Cong).

   3. The N-word.

   4. "Resting".

   5. The first three.

6. Just before the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge entertained Barack and Michelle Obama in their Kensington Palace drawing room, courtiers noticed the nameplate on one of the paintings on the wall and strategically placed a plant in front of it. What was its title?

   1. The Negro Page.

   2. The History of Art Graduates.

   3. The Casual Racists.

   4. The People Who Match Their Art to Their Chintz.

7. In the small hours of 24 June, as the Brexit result became clear, who took to Twitter to inquire furiously: “Sorry, but #KETTERING where are you”?

   1. Lindsay Lohan.

   2. Andrew Neil.

   3. John Curtice.

   4. Neil Hamilton, who had ­forgotten he had played Baron Hardup in ­Cinderella there in 2011.

8. As shooting on the latest edition of the Fast and Furious franchise wrapped in August, The Rock used ­social media to vent his anger at the conduct of some of his co-stars. What did he call these unnamed ­individuals, who were widely ­assumed to be Vin Diesel?

   1. Pussy butts.

   2. Sugar tits.

   3. Candy asses.

   4. Mallow abs.

9. How old was Kardashian pretender Dream Kardashian when she made her Snapchat debut?

   1. One day.

   2. One hour.

   3. One minute.

   4. Still in the womb.

10. Which of the following celebrities insisted they would leave the US in the event of Donald Trump winning the presidency?

    1. Miley Cyrus.

    2. Chelsea Handler.

    3. Lena Dunham.

    4. Barbra Streisand.

    5. All of the above.

11. Which of the following stars have suggested a 2020 presidential run?

    1. Kanye West.

    2. Ron Perlman.

    3. Chris Rock.

    4. The Rock.

    5. All of the above.

12. What was Princess Beatrice trying to do when she accidentally sliced Ed Sheeran’s cheek open at a party?

    1. Cut her birthday cake.

    2. Knight James Blunt.

    3. Perform rhinoplasty on Joss Stone.

    4. Cry for help.

Solutions

1:C, 2:C, 3:D - Let’s see it in action. “If they want a Picasso,” judged David, “they have to go out and earn it.”, 4:D, 5:E, 6:A, 7:A, 8:C, 9:D, 10:E, 11:E, 12:B

Scores

1. 12 and above.

   Stupendous.

2. 11 and above.

   Impressive.

3. 10 and above.

   Nice.

4. 9 and above.

   Good job.

5. 8 and above.

   Not bad.

6. 7 and above.

   Decent.

7. 6 and above.

   OK.

8. 5 and above.

   Middling.

9. 4 and above.

   Not great.

10. 3 and above.

    Poor.

11. 2 and above.

    Bad.

12. 0 and above.

    Oh.

13. 1 and above.

    Terrible.