Gaby Hinsliff talks wittily and poignantly about the empty nest and the re-filled nest, and the guilt, happiness and angst that accompany the process (Don’t fall for the hype about the empty nest syndrome, 9 March).
Whatever state of emptiness or refilling you find yourself in, if you are fed up with your syndrome, you should seek delayed gratification. In most cases you will get the chance to educate grandchildren in the finer points of life – hearing them read on their own, take a few first steps, cycle by your side. Their parents will benefit from you teaching their child how to inspect every item of litter closely, look over random garden walls, peer into skips, stick their magnet to people’s cars in the name of science – and then, if you still need to, you can chuck your towels on their parents’ bathroom floor.
Jonathan Hauxwell
Crosshills, North Yorkshire
• A “healthy and successful society” is one where three generations and extended families live in harmony and mutual support. Not one where the generations living together are described as “scurrying back”.
It’s the cult of individualism and “me first” found in northern Protestant societies that fosters this. Take a look at societies in southern Europe, Africa and most of the rest of the world and you will see family networks supporting and loving each other where health and success is defined as social connection and mutuality, not individuals living in isolation.
Jane Lawson
London
• As Gaby Hinsliff suggests, returning to the family home in response to poor pay or lack of affordable housing is “not much of a choice” and may impact negatively on both parents and young people.
But today, “return home” has become an institutionalised safety net for many young people finishing university, often provided by better-off families who have spare accommodation.
However, it is not an option for young people from poorer families lacking in additional space, those from the care system and those who are estranged from their families, often as a result of teenage mistreatment. By definition, these are far more vulnerable groups of young people with poorer education, employment prospects and life chances, and who are often coping with living independently at a far younger age than those in the general population. Who will provide their “safety net”, given the impact of austerity measures on the availability of support services?
Professor Mike Stein
University of York
• Thank you Gaby Hinsliff. Not all of us weep when our kids leave home and not all of us want/encourage them back. I was pleased to see both of mine go off to be grown-ups. I looked forward to a fridge that still had cheese in when I got back from work, and not constantly falling over Doc Martins. I loved them and loved them coming round, but crikey, I loved the space, and peace and quiet!
Carol Taylor
Matlock, Derbyshire
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