Man of the week
Cristiano Ronaldo – two goals, a tantrum meme, a microphone lake toss and a textbook modern era press conference, with the press banned from asking questions. Ronaldo denied that having all the questions posed by a Uefa media officer instead was his idea. “I decide nothing.”
Runner up
Northern Ireland keeper Michael McGovern – earning a transient Wikipedia page update with his display against Germany: “Michael McGovern (born 12 July 1984). In 2016 McGovern single-handedly denied Germany eight goals at the Euro 2016 finals, and is widely recognised as the greatest goalkeeper to ever play the game.”
Mixed bag
Among the footballers reacting to Brexit last week:
• @PetrCech: “It looks like the biggest decision in the history of this country was made based on a fake campaign and lies.”
• Italy’s Giorgio Chiellini: “The main concern is an eventual domino effect. I don’t think the simple UK exit can change the equilibrium of the whole European economy, aside from the heartburn everyone’s feeling. I think the discontent shouldn’t lead to disintegration.”
• Celta Vigo’s Manchester City target Nolito: “What is Brexit? I think it’s a dance. But I may be wrong.”
• Jermaine Pennant @pennant83: “Now we are not in Europe what’s going to happen with the next euros 2018???”
• Harry Kane: “I’ve not really thought about it. I don’t think any of us have.”
Best tournament cameo
Zlatan Ibrahimovic: arrived saying “the legend can still deliver”, skied an offside sitter from one and a half yards out, then retired with a self-assessment: “I conquered Sweden and made it my country. My way. I am Sweden.”
Least convincing
Adidas’s PR team, gamely smoothing things over after Antoine Griezmann burst a £105 Beau Jeu ball: “Beau Jeu has been widely praised by respected experts for its contribution to the exciting start to the tournament.”
Most giving
Albania prime minister Edi Rama – giving his Group A third-placed players a seven-figure bonus and diplomatic passports: “The giving of the diplomatic passports is heartfelt. Ambassadors have these passports. These players are just like ambassadors.”
Most decisive
Andy Townsend, ITV: “That’s as blatant a penalty as you’ll ever see. Was it definitely in the box? I don’t know.”
Coolest appraisal
Far-right Russian politician Vladimir Zhirinovsky: revealing Wales only beat his nation because of “Welsh nationalism”; calling for Russia’s squad to be picked on the basis of “how nationalist the players are”; and rejecting the idea of changing the manager again. “We change coaches like they change the furniture in a brothel. It’s not the answer.”
Best career move
Icelandic commentator Gudmundur Benediktsson’s stoppage time script in full: “Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, we are winning this! We are in the round of 16. Never, ever, ever have I felt as good! Arnor Ingvi Traustason secured us victory! We have never lost, see that, we have never lost! Thanks for coming, Austria! Thanks for coming!”
Turf war of the week
Jean-Marc Lecourt, head of the French Society of Lawns, on Uefa’s decision to hire an English grass specialist instead of relying on homegrown French groundstaff. “French gardeners are in no way responsible for the incompetence and the sabotage of the mercenaries employed for the event. It’s not our doing, yet we are the ones who suffer.”
Most uneasy
Roy Keane, asked why he gave Ireland scorer Robbie Brady a warm strangle after the Italy match. “I was happy, it’s called being happy. You should try it.”
Worst booking
Four Wales fans, telling Wales Online how they booked a trip to the wrong Bordeaux for the Slovakia game. The fans discovered the error at Toulouse International Airport, saving them a trip to the village of Bourdeaux, 500 miles from the match.
Product of the week
Official Gabor Kiraly jogging bottoms: in stock in 11 sizes at Kiraly’s online shop kiralyshop.hu. £20 a pair.
Thought for the week
Germany’s Mario Götze, assessing his critics. “I can handle it. Sometimes you’re the dog, sometimes you’re the tree. That’s the way it is.”
Best clarification
“Hamsik is two-footed. That’s left foot and right foot” – Glenn Hoddle.
And the most confused outsider
Californian Facebook user Petra Fyde, asking her contacts: “At the risk of sounding stupid… Does anyone know why there are a bunch of strange men in my fb inbox with messages saying WILL GRIGGS ON FIRE, YOUR DEFENSE IS PETRA FYDE?????? … What the hell is going on?”
