Spoiler alert: this blog is published after the first UK broadcast of 24: Live Another Day. Do not read on unless you have watched episode seven.
Read Stuart's episode seven blog here
Previously on 24
Catelyn Stark has the drones and is now basically just bombing anything in sight – houses, hospitals, cars, her own daughter, that sort of thing. She's so bomb-happy that President Heller has handed himself over to her, just to make it stop. Jack's on the case, by which I mean he's constantly three feet away from any of the explosions at any given time, but the Russians are after him. Also, Benjamin Bratt is the mole. No? Still can't get anyone to care about that? Fine then. Onward!
President Heller
Well, goodbye President Heller. We hardly knew ye. In retrospect, we knew the end was coming as soon as your Alzheimer's started getting the better of you, or at least since Kiefer Sutherland tweeted that slightly too reverential photo of you in Wembley Stadium the other month. We'll have to assume that Heller really is dead – he didn't get a silent clock, but there's no realistic way he could have survived a drone attack that blew up the entire football pitch he was standing on – in which case he's the first serving president to be assassinated in 24's history. Quite the honour.
Still, his death was beautifully pitched. All the way through the series, ever since Catelyn Stark set out her demands for his head, the assumption was that he'd find a way out. Jack would save him. Jack always saves him. But no. Jack struggled to the last but, as the sound fell away and Stark gingerly wrapped her fingers around the joystick, it finally sank in. Heller's death was inevitable. So goodbye Mr President. Sorry all those MPs were dicks to you just before you died.
Catelyn Stark
But the hour began with Catelyn packing up and moving out of The Haunted Mansion Of Death – and simultaneously managing to wish death upon her already almost-dead daughter again, which is an impressive feat of multitasking. Her plan to murder Heller in Wembley's centre circle at the stroke of 7pm never made all that much sense – Millwall's stadium was much closer, after all – but you can't deny the woman a little theatrical expression. The question now is whether or not she'll honour Heller's wishes by ditching all the drones into the sea near Dover. It's more or less a given that she won't, because otherwise the rest of the episode would drag something rotten, and that's a shame. If Dover needs anything, it's to be clipped by a military drone loaded with high-explosives.
Jack
This was Heller's hour, so all Jack really had to do this week was to play the unwilling chauffeur – begrudgingly flying the president to Wembley Stadium because, if we know anything about Jack Bauer, it's that patriotic duty trumps personal feeling every time. However, at least he got to indulge a few of his pleasures on the way: mild torture (when he cut the transponder out of Heller's arm); suspect navigation (seriously, who flies a plane from Westminster to Wembley via Vauxhall and Tower Bridge?); and punching people in the face (when he punched that guy in the face). All that, plus he received a presidential pardon for killing all those Russians, which means he can now go and pester Kim until she starts pretending to ignore him again. That's a pretty sweet hour, Jack. Aside from driving the president of the United States of America to his needless death, that's a pretty sweet hour.
That mole plot that nobody cares about
Meanwhile, Benjamin Bratt realises that the hipster analyst isn't dead, and orders an assassin to finish him off. Fortunately, this is all happening in Camden, a place so packed with dirty looking young men staggering around with awful moustaches that the analyst manages to blend right in and temporarily make his escape. When the assassin does catch up with him, there's a scuffle that appears to end with both of them dead. So that's the end of it, right? No more boring mole subplot, right? Right? Please?
Notes
• The tiny sigh when Kiefer Sutherland said: "The following takes place between 6pm … and 7pm" was perfect foreshadowing for this episode. That's the sort of battle-hardened resignation you only get when you've tried to have a high-speed car chase through the middle of the congestion zone.
• Poor Simone. Literally everyone wants her dead, apart from the doctor who looks like a dangerously malnourished Forest Whittaker. I hope the DVD extras for this series include a scene where he sings Hero by Enrique Iglesias at her with a rose in his teeth.
• "Yikes! Yow!" This is how President Heller reacted to having his arm chopped open with a scalpel. Move over David Palmer, you just became my second-favourite 24 president.
• Proof that Audrey is an idiot, part one: she doesn't realise that anything is wrong with her dad, even though he saunters into her room, 20 minutes after a major terrorist attack, to coo at a load of old photos.
• Proof that Audrey is an idiot, part two: she mumbles words as she types. Imagine working next to her. You'd lose your mind.
