In many ways, the second Eurovision semi-final was going to struggle to live up to the first: no Russian grannies; no sub-satirical ditties about Facebook; no shrieking Albanian Bjorks with towering ratty hairdos. And, tragically, no Jedward to find yourself inexplicably rooting for. But in case you missed last night's semi-final – maybe because something urgent came up or you have a functioning semblance of a social life – never fear. Here are the acts you should keep an eye out for tomorrow, and some that are no longer with us.
Ones to watch
Europe should be pacing nervously around Sweden, which this year rewrote We Found Love by Rihanna in capital letters and then kicked it square in the face. It's huge, and it's likely to win. But if Sweden is huge, then the Ukraine is planet-sized. It sounds like every advert for sanitary towels ever made, all mooshed together and blasted out loudly enough to deflect asteroids. The singer gives it so much welly that I'm pretty sure she'd explode if the song went on for even a second longer than it already does. I mean that in the nicest possible way.
So far as the semi-final's numerous piano ballads go, you should pay special attention to Serbia and Estonia. They are, respectively: Paradise by Coldplay performed by a depressed game show host, and something you'd hear on a garden centre CD called Nondescript Moods. But they're apparently very popular.
Ones to watch (from behind a cushion)
Slim pickings compared to Tuesday's parade of nutjobs, but at least Turkey put a decent amount of effort into its cockeyed boy band pirate ditty. And special mention to Lithuania – the country that wrote a song about how love is blind, called it Love Is Blind, and then literally blindfolded the singer just to make sure that everyone understood precisely how blind love is. That's dedication above and beyond the call of duty.
Finally, you'd be well advised leave the room for FYR Macedonia's song, unless you really want to see Nancy Dell'Olio doing a bad Bonnie Tyler impression while dressed up as a ruthless lady undertaker.
Ones that got away
Sadly, Georgia's performance couldn't hope to live up to its original video, where the singer scrawled the word "EVIL" on a goldfish bowl in lipstick and then smashed it up in a fit of righteousness, and will miss the final. We'll also have to make do without Slovenia's entry, which was basically just a bear suit and a furious Nicolas Cage away from being a perfect recreation of the Wicker Man remake.
Inevitably, the Netherlands song also got ditched, as it always is, despite the country fielding a yodelled folk song performed by a fire-loving former talent show contestant in a gigantic native American headdress. Poor the Netherlands. Always the bridesmaid.
Don't forget to return here on Saturday at 8pm, where I'll be liveblogging all three hours of the final alongside Heidi Stephens in what promises to be a test of everyone's basic human will to live. But in the meantime, let us know your picks from last night's semi-final in the comments below.
