My real name is Jacob Anderson, but my singer name is Raleigh Ritchie – a compound of the forenames of my two favourite characters from Wes Anderson’s The Royal Tenenbaums. When I told Dad I’d adopted a new name, I think he was slightly gutted because he’s proud of the family name.
My parents divorced when I was 18 months old. They haven’t always been the best of friends, but they were good at keeping that stuff away from me. Mum and I have always been close. Her adoptive parents died when she was 18 and she doesn’t have any other kids, so I’m her only family. She lives life to the full and I envy her vitality. She has pink hair and is a younger spirit than me.
Dad and I are very similar. He’s loyal, with a quirky sense of humour, but he’s no pushover. I’ve inherited my love of music from him. He has diverse tastes and it can’t have been easy, as a teenage black guy, listening to punk in 1980s Bristol. He’s done all sorts of jobs to make ends meet and is currently working as an undertaker for the Bristol coroners office. I’m proud of him because it can’t be an easy job.
My dad and stepmum met when I was two, and I was effectively brought up by three parents – my stepmum was very nurturing and had this incredible ability to make me feel safe and calm. I’m also devoted to my half-sisters, though I hate calling them that – they are just my sisters. They’re funny, awesome and smart.
Dad grew up in Bristol, but his parents came over from the Caribbean. I adored my paternal grandfather – he was the funniest person I’ve ever known. At weekends, I would pile into his house with my sisters and cousins, and we’d play in his front room or watch endless repeats of Rawhide or Blind Date. I only realised how special he was after his death when I was 10.
I was a very anxious kid. I was bullied at primary school and responded by making myself as anonymous as possible at secondary school. Lessons didn’t interest me and I used my exercise books as diaries. I’d write pages about how I was feeling and gradually realised I was crafting song lyrics.
I left Bristol and moved to London when I was 17. I had no clear goal – I just fancied a change of scene and was keen to rush into adulthood. Mum found the physical separation hard. She still does.
I didn’t know many people in London and became depressed, ending up in therapy. One day, the therapist called me Josh instead of Jacob and I was mortified. I was telling this woman things I’d never told anyone and she didn’t even know my name. Now I work things out for myself through song writing. Some of my lyrics surprised my parents because I’d kept my problems to myself.
I’ll never forget first setting eyes on my girlfriend, the actress Aisling Loftus, because it all seemed to happen in slow motion. We’ve been together five years. She’s intelligent, sensitive and empathetic, and I’ve never met anybody who cares about people as much as she does. We never run out of things to talk about and our relationship has always felt very natural.
I was so pleased when Ash was cast as Sonya Rostova in the BBC adaptation of War and Peace. We’re the last ones to realise how well our careers are going and tend to talk ourselves down. Most of my family have never seen me play Grey Worm in Game of Thrones. Mum has, but my dad, stepmum and sisters haven’t – the nudity and violence would probably be a bit too much for my stepmum. But I don’t mind. I know they’re proud of me.
The idea of being a parent is scary, but Ash will be a wonderful mum. Ash and I often talk about the kind of parents we’d like to be. It’s an exciting prospect – another journey for us.
• Raleigh Ritchie’s debut album, You’re A Man Now, Boy, is out now on Columbia Records, and he’ll be performing three dates in April; raleighritchie.com
