Watford v Crystal Palace: Premier League – as it happened

So there we go. Happy Sunday!

And here’s Dom Fifield’s report from the Vic.

If you need more Canon League Division 1, and frankly who doesn’t, join Rob Smyth for Newcastle United v Chelsea.

Holebas says that some words were had a half-time, and that his goal was a cross. Deeney then praises his team’s desire and energy levels, adding that the team are a work in progress, and last season got no points when they played well, so will take points when not playing well this term.

Troy Deeney says Watford were “poor by our standards” and got lucky, but their togetherness and will to win hauled them through.

Palace might’ve got back into that sooner if they’d changed formation sooner. It wasn’t working for Zaha through the middle, so sending him out wide - and perhaps bringing Meyer on - made sense well before it was done. But looking forward, Meyer might get a start in the next game, because neither McArthur nor Milivojevic played remotely well - the latter, in particular, was anonymous.

90+6 min ...and here it comes! It picks out Ward beautifully, he’s got a run at it, no defender in sight, he’s going to score, he gets a decent connection, he’s going to be the hero, NO HE ISN’T! The ball skids off his head and wide!

90+6 min Kabasele concedes a corner...

90+5 min Wtfrod have done a really good job of keeping Palace away since going behind, and this time Success runs at them, driving a low shot that’s straight at Hennessey.

90+4 min Off goes “Troooooy Deeney, Watford’s number 9”, who lacks the syllables to make that one work. He’s replaced by Isaac Success.

90+3 min Watford have Palace pinned back here, and Sema takes the ball out on the right, looking to go outside Van Aanholt and drive in a low cross. It’s enough to win his team a corner.

90+2 min Harry the Hornet is whacking a drum. He’d be better off with a triangle.

90+1 min Roy Hodgson is chuntering on the touchline. I’m looking forward to his magnanimity when asked about Capoue only receiving a yellow card for his challenge on Zaha.

90 min There’ll be five added minutes.

89 min Palace win a free-kick down the right and McArthur floats it in! Sorloth’s up! But Kabasele does enough, and the ball skims off his head and away from goal.

88 min I’m not really sure why Roy Hodgson took of a striker for a striker. Sure, you don’t really want a chance falling to Benteke, but just having him there is helpful - one of Watford’s centre-backs would be on him, and the extra striker would create some confusion.

87 min The free-kick is wasted.

86 min Nice from Palace, who get Ward nashing down the right onto a pass in his stride. Pereyra, though, is having no such thing and yanks him down, riding the inevitable yellow card.

85 min Another miserable afternoon for Benteke comes to and end, replaced by Sorloth. He looks haunted as he takes his seat on the bench.

84 min Watford have responded pretty well to the goal, keeping the ball well away from their penalty box.

83 min Against a defence sitting deep, it probably makes more sense to stick Zaha on the wing, where he can find space, and he’s much harder to pick up bursting in than if he’s already there. Palace need to get the ball to him as much as possible.

81 min Meyer hitchkicks in on Capoue as he pursues his beef with Zaha, earning a booking.

78 min Nice from Van Aanholt, nipping a ball into Benteke, picking up the return just inside the box, and poking hard with his toe ... Kabasele, who’s played well, does really well to block.

77 min Zaha looks to be paying on the left of a three now - I imagine the plan is for Meyer to support Benteke. But if Palace are looking to cross, they could probably use another body in the box, and don’t have much time to save themselves. “Zaha, Zaha what’s the score,” sing the home fans - the price of being a good player really, grief of people who are nothing to you.

75 min Change for Palace: off goes Schlupp, who’ll be replaced on the left by Meyer. At the moment, he’s on the left, though McArthur expected to move out there.

74 min Watford are pressing for a third here, but then Townsend pinches a loose ball and heads downfield in search of a livener, ducking inside two challenges and inviting the foul. Free-kick Palace, on the left, 25 yards out ... and Milivojevic humps it over the goalline.

73 min Change for Watford: Sema, the summer signing from Ostersunds, replaces Gray, who’s struggled to get into things.

69 min And look at that! Sakho smacks a long one at Benteke, who controls beautifully on his chest, makes room with a touch, getting on the half turn as he touch, taking another touch, and whooshing a violent curler onto just wide of the far corner. That’s more like it.

68 min Palace are, though, inching their way into things - it’s been a while since Watford have put anything together - and there’s Zaha coming in from the right, darting a pass into Benteke that Kabasele intercepts. It’s not much but it’s something, and pressure is building.

67 min Palace have struggled to get Zaha into the game since the first 10 minutes or so. Perhaps he might go out to the right, because things aren’t working at the moment.

65 min Palace keep it for a bit, moving it nicely, but then Milivojevic looks to slide a pass in between Holebas and Kabasele for Townsend to run onto - the right ball, but a difficult ball, and he puts too much on it.

63 min Palace are missing the balance Wan-Bissaka gives them; Ward is a fair replacement, but he lacks the drive and enterprise, and can’t give Townsend the same support.

61 min These last few minutes have been better for Palace and Milivojevic spreads to Townsend, whose cross is deflected behind by Capoue. Townsend then hammers the corner past everyone, unable to come inside onto his other foot.

59 min Palace try and get themselves going, and Benteke attacks the box only to impart a heavy touch. I know! But it’s true! As shocked as you and I, he then imparts a heavy touch on Kabasele’s ankle, for which he is penalised.

58 min Doucoure tries a drag back, but his legs get in the way. Of course they do.

57 min There are a lot of empty seats at Vicarage Road today. I reckon there are also a lot of bored kids in the surrounding area who’d happily have taken a freebie.

55 min “Leftfield candidate for best song opening,” tweets Owen. “The hipster dialogue in House of Blue Lights by Ella Mae Morse.”

54 min Roy Hodgson is looking pensive. Perhaps he needs to get Benteke some help, or to stick another man in midfield, because his team are struggling here.

51 min But here comes Jeffrey! Schlupp steps over the ball as it arrives and with Capoue setting off towards the turnstiles, he shimmies back inside and bursts into the box, only for Kabasele to slide in with a perfectly-timed sliding tackle.

50 min Again it’s Janmaat down the right who chases hard and slides into a cross that Deeney wins well in the air. And there’s Docoure down the left again, who crosses low, the ball funelled back to Pereyra who panics and spanks a shot well over the top from eight yards.

48 min All Watford at the moment, and Doucoure powers down the left, playing a one-two off Holebas and cutting inside to curl a beauty into the far top corner thrash a hopeful effort miles away from anywhere, even Selhurst Park.

46 min Here come Watford, Docoure spreading wide for Janmaaaaaaat, who drives a cross at Deeney, and when the ball comes down it bounces for Hughes who drills low hard ... but Hennessey spreads himself to save really well at his near post.

46 min “The ‘playground brilliance’ of Kinky Afro put me in mind of this,” emails Fraser Leggat, “from the shamefully under-acknowledged Flowered Up.

46 min Off we go again.

Half-time email: “Just saw Byron’s email and wanted to point out an article from Statsbomb on Memphis Depay,” emails Harry Crane - the Harry Crane, I trust. “I think he’s exactly right and the stats back him up (on Depay at least). Another one I’d throw into the mix is Riyad Mahrez who I just cant see being his irresistible best at City.”

He might be less productive because not everything will go through him - as it happens, I think he’d have been a better fit at Manchester United, and a better fit than Alexis Sanchez, as he plays on the right where they have no one and could supply Lukaku with the crosses he needs.

Half-time education: a slice of Watford life.

45 min There’ll be one added minute.

45 min Janmaat drives Watford forward again and plays into Gray who holds up then lays off. From 20 yards, Janmaat actually has a pretty decent sight of goal, but his swing is off and he connected with the inside of his foo not the laces, so the ball skips wide.

43 min Some absolutely pure, uncut Premier League. In about six seconds, the ball is lost 17 times around the Palace box, with bare desperate lunging and scrambling. That’s why we’re here.

42 min “Showing my age,” says Sean O’Keefe, “but two from, I think, 1989. First up Megablast by Bomb the Bass . That intro gives me tingles. Man, I wish I still had my Amiga.

My second is Personal Jesus. If I’d been old enough I’d have probably hated Depeche Mode in 1981 but by ‘89 they just sounded enormous. I love the guitar harmonic at the start, then the roar of “reach out and touch faith” and the drums kick in.”

As you may have guessed, there’s not a whole lot going on out on the park.

39 min “Speaking of the Beastie Boys,” says Sam Lewis, “anyone else think Javi Gracia is the identical twin of Mike D?”

That’s not bad.

37 min Zaha fouls Janmaat, then Janmaat fouls Zaha and is booked.

35 min I have a theory on why Zaha is amazing at Palace,” emails Byron Adu-Boakye. “I’m of the opinion that he’s a player that needs the play to run through him and needs a lot of the ball. What in basketball would be known as ‘a high usage player’. The question then is whether Zaha is good enough to warrant such usage at Real Madrid or Bayern because I don’t think he would thrive to the same extent on less. Incidentally, I think this theory applies to Memphis Depay as well but of course this could all just be crackpot nonsense.”

I don’t know. Getting on the ball more definitely helps him at Palace, but he was pretty effective as a straight winger when he was less involved in the game than he is now. I think he’d look better with better players, even if he wasn’t the man.

33 min Janmaat has been Watford’s most dangerous player so far and he nashes down the right then squares to Doucoure, who drags a brilliant return from behind his arse to meet the run. Janmaat then chips a cross, but can’t quite find anyone with it.

32 min Nice from Palace, McArthur jinking outside the box, playing into Benteke and running off him to collect the return, but as he draws back his foot to shoot, Holebas slides in and Foster dives to gather the loose ball. That’s a really good challenge.

30 min McArthur drags down Pereyra as he drags through midfield, but for reasons best known to the ref, escapes a booking. Holebas then floats the free-kick behind. This is no longer so enjoyable.

29 min Palace get into the Watford half and Van Aanhold drills a pass to the opposite of the box which Benteke attacks really well ... but is applying an arm to Cathcart’s face at the same time.

27 min Tim Forbes has a couple of song intros for us.

26 min Palace have gone a bit quiet these few minutes, and Watford are now dominating midfield. They’ve not created a clear chance yet, but look like they might in the next bit.

24 min Sakho jumps over Deeney and catches him with a flying arm but Pereya picks up the pieces and scythes through midfield before overhitting his through-pass by a comical amount, with Hughes well-placed outside him.

22 min Watford are coming now, Janmaat scooshing a ball into Doucoure, who flicks through his own legs for Deeney, who allows through his own legs for Pereyra. He shoots from 20 yards, but Hennessey is down to it quickly.

20 min Nice from Watford, Janmaat nipping down the right and chipping a cross to the back post which Pereyra watches onto his laces and whacks into the ground ... it looks like it’s ooing in, but McArthur does well to get a touch and deflect the ball behind. The corner comes to nothing.

19 min “What sort of goalscoring pace do you think Andre Gray will maintain this year?” asks Matan Prilleltensky. Do you expect him to be in the starting 11 almost every week, as has been the case so far?”

Ten league goals would be a decent return, I’d say, and yep, I’d expect him to start most games, partly because Watford aren’t replete with attacking options.

18 min This is really enjoyable so far.

16 min Watford come again but Hughes loses it in midfield and Palace on them in a trice! Again the ball goes right and Townsend does superbly to look up and cut back a cross, McArthur arriving with perfect timing to take into stride. It looks for all the world like he’s about to score, but Foster gets down brilliantly to paw away his clinically-slotted finish. That’s three great chances Palace have missed now.

13 min Watford look to build through midfield, Capoue finding Janmaat. The attack comes to nowt, but Watford keep possession and look to play their way into the game before Janmaat applies a cross which sails behind.

12 min Palace look the better side so far, and Townsend does brilliantly again, again coming inside onto his left foot and curling a cross that picks out Benteke lovely. Naturally, he applies shoulder not head, which gives Foster the chance to claw out what’s still a really good save.

11 min “Love Liam White’s ‘why ...Harry the Hornet mascot is a bear’?” emails JJ. “The hart on the badge is on the county’s crest, and ‘the hornets’ is a nickname. And by the way, he didn’t dive, he was tripped!”

10 min Already, this match is nurturing a delightful tetch, and Janmaat flings a foot at Van Aanholt - those two had beef last term - but this time there’s no sanction.

8 min Zaha fights for the ball, overruns it, and pursues with a right foot that’s turned out and sort of stamping down. Pereyra gets out of the way but it’s the thought that counts so he’s booked too.

7 min Janmaat saunters down the right unmolested before floating a cross into the box, but Deeney is too far out to trouble Hennessey with his header.

6 min Ok, that Capoue challenge: what it in fact was was a leaping leap onto the achilles. He’s done very well to stay on the pitch for that.

5 min Townsend finds space to cross for the far post, and Benteke and Zaha are both there! Zaha wants it, but Benteke is ahead of him, to inept a header wide. Oh dear.

4 min There’s no pattern as yet, but here’s the start of one: Zaha does well to hold up a boucing ball, and Capoue is in quickly to knock him over. He’s booked, which seems harsh to me.

2 min Watford get it out wide to Pereyra as quickly as they can and he gets it out of his feet as quickly as he can, before swinging in a cross that’s got too much on it for Gray.

1 min Away we go! For those watching in black and white, Palace are playing in their change strip of white with red and blue, to avoid the red and blue home strip clashing with Watford’s yellow and black.

It’s raining in Hertfordshire, and the outlook is bleak. The Premier League is back, alright.

“I’m curious if anyone knows why the disgraceful Harry the Hornet mascot is a bear and the Watford club badge shows a stag?” asks Liam White, “as their nickname is the Hornets, all a bit confusing...”

I actually think the crest is a hart, and replaced a hornet, but I’m open to suggestions.

Here come our teams!

“Best song opening,” tweets Vik Chechi-Ribeiro‏. “ Moonage daydream - Bowie.”

Nowadays, that’d be about someone proudly displaying their buttocks.

Back to song openings, doubt I’ll ever get by the playground brilliance of this.

Graeme Souness reckons Zaha is good enough to play for Real Madrid. It’s an interesting point, really: is there something at Palace that gets the most out of him? Or is he so good that he’d be good everywhere and anywhere.

James Tomkins has hurt himself in the warm-up. He’s out of the matchday squad, and Martin Kelly now starts.

Wilfried Zaha’s favourite song opening ever. What’s yours?

Wilfried Zaha is being interviewed by Alex Scott in his old ends. He’s wearing a Nirvana t-shirt, which is good enough for me. Meanwhile, he’s pulling no punches when it comes to parenting his son: “He gets on my nerves most of the time.”

This reminds me of a classic 80s gag from classic 80s comic, Oink!: what have Harry the Hornet, Oscar the Grouch and Ming the Merciless got in common?

The same middle name.

In case you missed this from Friday. Whoever breaks the sad news to Roy Hodgson, please do so gently.

More Dalian transcendence.

There’s a team in the Chinese first division called:

Tom Cleverley is on Sky, and has had the plaster taken off his leg. He’s got a protocol of three or four months to follow to get himself back.

It’s also worth noting how much talent Palace have on the bench. Like everyone else, I’m excited to have a proper look at Meyer, and there’s also ballast in Kouyate and spark in Ayew. If Palace are struggling, there’s plenty to be done about it.

So looking more closely at those teams, Watford are unchanged, while Palace have one enforced upon them, Ward replacing the suspended Wan-Bissaka. I wonder if Watford’s full-backs might struggle with Palace’s wingers, especially when Zaha pulls wide too, but reckon the home side have the edge in the middle of the pitch.

Roy Hodgson reckons Christian Benteke needs a goal. More news as I get it.