I am used to seeing couples in distress, but I thought this film was well worth seeing – it was dark, moody and gripping. It follows the breakdown of a relationship, and allowing for some poetic licence, it's pretty accurate.
The couple in it, Dean and Cindy, were saying things to each other, but not hearing each other, which is classic behaviour. The tragedy of all couples is they meet, fall in love and start out with such optimism, by sharing the story and talking about "what we did". By the end of the relationship they become atomised and separate – different people with different stories.
At one point, Dean, played by Ryan Gosling, throws his marriage ring away in the shrubs, and then looks for it immediately but can't find it: little touches like that were really true to life. When couples are splitting up they start to behave in ways that defy logic. In a sense, separating is a kind of insanity.
Could I have saved this couple? I am in the business of giving people a space to save themselves if they want to take it. If people have a problem – like an argument they keep having which never seems to be resolved (as in this film) – the earlier you intervene the better. The demoralising thing about relationship work is people sometimes come because it's the last thing to do, and they see it as a box-ticking exercise to say "at least we've tried counselling".
The film reminded me of the intensity of a relationship breakdown – there's no time off for the couple involved. I liked the way they brought the relationship with their daughter into the film. Dean and Cindy were both so caught up in their own pain that neither stopped to ask what it was going to do to their child when they separated. That was quite poignant. I have seen that very often – where the needs of the kids are not put centre-stage.
I would tell couples to see this film just to remind yourselves to keep talking to each other, because this is what will happen if you are not communicating.
• Dr Phil Tyson is a counsellor and therapist based in Manchester. Details: philtyson.com
