Name: The 5-9 morning routine.
Age: New. It is a trend.
Really? Wasn’t it an 80s song, by Sheena Easton? And another 80s song, by Dolly Parton? And a film? And a common way of describing many people’s working day? No, that is 9 to 5. We’re talking about 5-9. Actually, we’re talking about the 5-9 backlash, but first we had better deal with what 5-9 is.
Not 8.55, then? Nope.
Nor a children’s clothes size? No, it’s the four hours before 9, so from 5am to 9am.
Not a time I know much about, but go on. Then this could be for you. The 5-9 routine has become a thing.
What kind of thing? A lifestyle one.
Where? TikTok, obviously. It’s about getting up at the crack of dawn, doing your fitness thing, your yoga, a cold water wild swim, beauty routines, a super-healthy breakfast, followed by a bit of drumming, Duolingo, perhaps decluttering the house, all before work …
That’s really a trend? A big one.
How big? More than 200m views on the platform.
It’s making me feel tired and depressed just thinking about it. Well, it turns out, it’s not just you.
Yay! Go on. So, @margaretskiff posted her own “5-9” video, which shows her waking up bleary-eyed when the alarm goes off at 8.30am, then spending half an hour lying in bed squinting at social media and playing games on her phone.
Totally relatable. And that takes her to 9, right? Yeah, she pulls a crumpled sweatshirt over the clothes she slept in, wraps a blanket around herself and hops the two steps to her desk, where she sits down to work.
Many views? More than 3m.
Not bad. Not 200m though, is it? More than 400,000 likes, too …
Including me; I like it. The comments show she is not alone out there. “I feel at home here,” and: “My people,” are among the comments.
Any breakfast? Not in this one, but she has a bagel in another video. Another anti 5-9er, @cameraonkira, makes her breakfast sandwich before taking it back to bed and settling down for a bit of Netflix.
Love it. It’s almost as if a lot of what you see on platforms such as TikTok and Instagram is a scroll through an unattainable dream, so it’s reassuring to stumble across something that looks as if it’s happening on the planet you inhabit. Hey, you could be on to something there.
Do say: “Alexa, cancel the alarm!”
Don’t say: “Sleep? Sleep is for wimps.”
