Name: Melania Trump.
Age: 46.
Appearance: Carla Bruni meets Katie Price and stands uxoriously by the side of a madman.
The Donald’s wife. I don’t suppose she’s in the news because she has delivered an impassioned speech at the Republican national convention urging people not to vote for her Cheeto-coloured, fascistic narcissist of a husband, is she? No.
Just a dream I had. She delivered a speech about honesty and integrity that appears to plagiarise one that Michelle Obama gave to the Democratic Convention in 2008.
Could you wait a second while I get my Things You Wouldn’t Dare Make Up notebook … She stole from a speech about honesty and integrity? According to a statement released later, “In writing her beautiful speech, Melania’s team of writers took notes on her life’s inspirations, and in some instances included fragments that reflected her own thinking.”
Was part of her own thinking a near-perfect memory of Michelle’s speech? The speeches were so alike that some people have suggested it must have been a deliberate ploy by a saboteur speechwriter.
That seems a little far-fetched. The speech also included the line “He will never, ever give up. And, most importantly, he will never, ever let you down.”
Whoah. Someone’s Rickrolling the nation? If so, it’s unlikely to be Melania. Or accidental.
What has Melania herself said about this furore? She has returned to her customary mode of aggressive silence.
How can you be aggressively silent? I don’t know. But she manages it.
Will this derail the Trump campaign? It has survived worse. All the times Trump opens his mouth, for a start.
Do say: “Could we just get that speechwriter to be president? God knows we could all do with a laugh.”
Don’t say: “We need to pass those lessons on to the many generations to follow, because we want our children in this nation to know that the only limit to your achievements is the strength of your dreams and your willingness to work for them.” Because Michelle Obama already said that.
