The Great British Bake Off 2021: episode two – as it happened

Last modified: 08: 30 PM GMT+0

It’s biscuit week in the tent! But who was a tough cookie … and who crumbled?

Channel 4, you didn’t fall over. You deserve a wine.

Thanks for reading. Goodnight!

Next week we have Bread Week (my personal favourite… can’t think why)

FIRST HOLLYWOOD HANDSHAKE OF THE SERIES. WE REPEAT, FIRST HOLLYWOOD HANDSHAKE OF THE SERIES!!#GBBO@PaulHollywood pic.twitter.com/nvhHQtfaFM

— Channel 4 (@Channel4) September 10, 2019

The bakers tackle focaccias and milk-breads, along with a technical which looks, according to Lizzie, like “troll bogies”. Hopefully there’ll be less adverts, too.

I am gutted for him, but on the plus side at least he can say Jammie Dodger from now without facing legal consequences. Always an upside.

And Jairzeno is leaving!

Poor Jairzeno, whose biscuit ship will be confined to the (c)annals of Bake Off history. Those 3D biscuit sculptures are a real fiddle and he should be proud he managed to produce anything at all, really. We salute him.

And Star Baker is…

the Happiest of Little Jürgens, for a second week running! It couldn’t really be anyone else, could it?

So Maggie, Amanda and Jairzeno are in the danger zone – with George at the top threatening to knock Jürgen from his perch. What do we all think?

Paul: “Your sailing boat looks a bit rough and ready.”

Jairzeno: “That’s deliberate.” Great save.

Jairzeno’s Tall Ship 3D Biscuit Showstopper. #GBBO pic.twitter.com/jcgOxtcxK1

— British Bake Off (@BritishBakeOff) September 28, 2021

Oh, I think Maggie’s been crying. This is horrible.

Perhaps the interactive part of Amanda’s bake can be assembling it?

Amanda’s Carousel Rocking Horse 3D Biscuit Showstopper. #GBBO pic.twitter.com/j26rIC1Hbt

— British Bake Off (@BritishBakeOff) September 28, 2021

You could certainly hook Jürgen’s windmill up to the National Grid. It would help with the energy crisis.

Jürgen has made an incredible, wafer-thin windmill. If they ever send Jürgen home, we riot.

Jürgen’s ‘Grandpa’s Windmill’ 3D Biscuit Showstopper. #GBBO pic.twitter.com/slZvUzNdQw

— British Bake Off (@BritishBakeOff) September 28, 2021

“Especially if it’s thick, you don’t want it to be too hard,” muses Prue. Uh huh.

I agree. I really thought Rochica had a chance of leaving this week. And just look at Chigs’ snooker table. He should be proud of himself.

Chigs’ Snooker Table 3D Biscuit Showstopper. #GBBO pic.twitter.com/blh3qG2B2u

— British Bake Off (@BritishBakeOff) September 28, 2021

Rochica has saved herself here, I think. And Giuseppe’s done a cracking job.

It’s judgment time!

Let’s just give the Star Baker to Jürgen and save us all 12 minutes and another ad-break.

We can all be *officially* worried for Amanda, Jairzeno and Maggie.

If Maggie cries, we all cry. Those are the rules.

George’s plane, spinning in circles, looks like it got deliciously drunk at the airport lounge. I adore it.

Our first shot of bakers helping bakers! Congratulations to Freya and Amanda (though I fear the latter may be beyond help.)

George could do with some of Jürgen’s tools, couldn’t he? That plane looks increasingly precarious.

“If it collapses it collapses,” says Jürgen. Deeply relatable.

Jürgen appears to have brought an entire toolkit to help with the most precise sculpture I’ve ever seen in the tent. He’s sanding down the edges of his biscuits!

What I have learned during the “Build an Interactive 3D Biscuit Sculpture of Your Favourite Childhood Memory” Showstopper: don’t bother.

It’s the same with every Biscuit Week Showstopper – it’s really tense and the bakers don’t want to talk to the presenters. These 3D sculptures are honestly some of the hardest things they’ll make in the tent.

Chig’s snooker Showstopper would have been a perfect fit for Candice’s biscuit pub from Bake Off 2016. You know, the one when Mary decided to eat the pub carpet floor resulting in this classic innuendo.

Mary Berry said “I’ll eat a bit of carpet” on Bake Off https://t.co/SQXqOqLUYx #GBBO pic.twitter.com/WtCyvUTiAa

— BuzzFeed UK (@BuzzFeedUK) August 31, 2016

Chigs has been a geezer his entire life. His childhood memories are of playing snooker, no doubt in a smoke-soaked pub.

Oh my god. Can’t unsee it.

I can’t explain it but this man gives me Winnie the Pooh vibes #GBBO pic.twitter.com/vGdZhml2NJ

— Romy Crees (@CreesRomy) September 21, 2021

I’ve been saying this for weeks! Well, one week. But I have definitely been saying it.

Everything about Jurgen's backstory screams 'compelling mini-series' #gbbo

— AJ 'Two Jags' 💉 (@uisgebeatha) September 28, 2021

I’m getting the heebie-jeebies about Amanda’s bake. Talk about risking it for a biscuit.

I’d do a Tamagotchi, because the only way you need to interact with them is to ignore them (at least, that’s how I played with mine.)

What favourite childhood interactive toy would you bake? Let us know in the comments. Mine would be Theme Hospital.

Paul: “Please bake an interactive childhood toy.”

Maggie: “I’m baking a beach hut!”

Jairzeno’s bake contains “interactive lights” – if you count turning something on and off as interactive, that is.

I do admire her eternal optimism, though. She’s one of my favourites.

“There’s only one place to go this week and that’s up,” says Maggie, forgetting the other place she could go is home.

Only animals play with their food. The only interaction I like to have with my bakes is digestion.

A 3D biscuit sculpture.

A childhood replica of their favourite toy, which also has to be interactive. The Bake Off random word challenge generator AKA throwing darts at words on a dartboard, is at it again!

I shan’t have my Happy Little Jürgen spoken about in this way.

Jürgen is known as “the baking terminator”. I’m surprised they didn’t call him “the baking cyborg assassin” to keep the copyright lawyers happy.

Here’s the ranking from the technical: 11. Rochica. 10. Crystelle 9. Jairzeno 8. George 7. Chigs 6. Lizzie 5. Maggie. 4. Amanda 3. Freya 2. Giuseppe 1. Jürgen.

The tops and bottoms aren’t consistent enough for Paul. True to life, really.

The lawyers are watching!

They...

are...

*deep breath*

JAMMY BISCUITS!
😇😇😇😇😇😇😇#GBBO https://t.co/qfOimmsJZQ

— British Bake Off (@BritishBakeOff) September 28, 2021

Time for the jammie judging.

There are 132 biscuits in that tent – not including the extras I spotted Jürgen nibbling earlier.

Looked like *so* much fun.

The bakers stamping the hearts into the dough before it melts #gbbo pic.twitter.com/AtVwj01ofa

— ★ ANASTAZIA ★ (@__Anastazia__) September 28, 2021

Jürgen... is that you?

"Oh dear. I seem to have set the biscuits on fire. No, I am not panicking, nor has my pulse increased. I have a plan."

I would trust Jürgen with my life. To be honest I did from the first moment we saw him with his rabbit playing a trombone at the seafront.

Updated

“Putting the buttercream on atom by atom” says Jürgen, operating with the precision of a surgeon.

A good point well made.

The good thing about technical challenges for stuff you can get cheaply at the corner shop is that the 45p for the packet compared to all this faff looks like an even better bargain than ever before.

Maggie correcting Paul’s technical recipe is the ultimate power move.

As you can imagine, Twitter is not that thrilled with ‘jammie biscuits.’

When the bakers aren't allowed to say jammy dodgers #GBBO pic.twitter.com/STGQ2z17tZ

— ToeJaylor (@toe_jaylor) September 28, 2021

I can’t get over George losing his mind each challenge. “WHAT IS THIS? WHAT IS THIS?” he shouts as he carefully cuts a heart in his jammie biscuit.

“They’re so soft I can’t get it out,” moans Amanda. Help.

“It needs to be stiffer so that I can work with it”, muses Giuseppe, trying hard to get me to say something rude. I shan’t engage.

The way Maggie says “fluted,” though. Just put her in The Crown already.

Lizzie’s mispronunciations are my favourite part of this episode. “Flutted” was a highlight.

Jürgen is so technical with his baking it is like he is taking the words Technical Challenge as a literal instruction.

Crystelle’s made raspberry toffee. Sounds delicious tbh.

You can really sense that the copyright lawyers have vetted this episode #JusticeForColinTheCaterpillar

“Who makes biscuits they can buy in the shop?” asks Amanda. “You can get a pack for 11p, can’t you?” Has she been reading our thoughts?

The technical challenge is … 12 “Jammie Biscuits”.

Can’t wait to pick up a packet of my favourite “Jammie Biscuits” from my favourite branch of a “National Supermarket Chain”, just after I treat myself to an apple pie from my “Generic International Fast Food Outlet.”

There is also no going down for Maggie. Good to know.

ALSO... REMAIN CALM.

MANGO SPOTTED I REPEAT WE HAVE A MANO SIGHTING REMAIN CALM

Happy Little Jürgen is grinning from ear to ear. He reminds me of Mole from The Wind in the Willows.

NO HANDSHAKES (again). But Matt gives Jürgen a handshake anyway and this exchange between the two of them is making my heart full:

Matt: “It means nothing from me.”

Jürgen: “It means a lot for me.”

This is a little underwhelming isn’t it? I can barely remember any of the last 10 minutes.

googles how to unsee things

Ever since someone said Giuseppe looked like nearly headless nick I can’t unsee it #GBBO pic.twitter.com/GEEoseukJ5

— Mill🎶 (@milllouisexo) September 28, 2021

Lizzie’s brandy snap is a lovely mouthful and, more importantly, doesn’t infringe on any copyrights. A win-win.

My winner, Crystelle, continues to smash it. She is a dark horse, I tell you.

I shan’t stand for Paul and Prue size-shaming Rochica’s horns and George’s pipes. How dare they.

It’s the brandy snap judging.

“I have a little bit of coffee liquor” – understatement of the century by Freya, who added EIGHT tablespoons of espresso to her brandy snaps.

Amen.

Bake off is brilliant because for an hour you can forget the stress of everyday life by watching a bunch of strangers get stressed about biscuits and you absorb their stress but it's ok because it's a different stress from the normal stress #GBBO

— TechnicallyRon (@TechnicallyRon) September 28, 2021

This is the horniest episode of Bake Off … since the last one.

Amanda’s pipe is blocked, George has cream everywhere and Jürgen is … unnervingly calm.

Did … did Jürgen just make a masturbation joke?

Rooting for the whole family to win now.

Obsessed by Crystelle's sisters names now

Channel 4 is providing more anxiety tonight than actual Bake Off. Well done everyone.

Sadly we’re still experiencing some tech issues which means some viewers may have problems watching our channels or access services. Sorry for the ongoing disruption – we’ll let you know here as and when we have updates.

— Channel 4 (@Channel4) September 28, 2021

Not to be outdone, we see a picture of Giuseppe as a little Italian baby – and he’s pronouncing gianduja correctly like a real show-off.

We are 15 minutes into this episode and only now we see Jürgen for the first time? Utter madness. At least they are treating us to a photo of him as a young man, though.

Young Jürgen. #GBBO pic.twitter.com/Uqata0hACS

— British Bake Off (@BritishBakeOff) September 28, 2021

Of course Jürgen has a sensible standing desk! I need a Louis Theroux documentary about this man. There’s so much to unravel.

Chantilly cream should just be called whipped cream, because that is all it is. In this essay, I will ...

“I need to make sure I get everything done properly and within time,” says Jairzeno, grasping the concept of the show a week too late.

Who’s stick? Ma stick? (Sorry).

Mastick? He's putting mastick in it? Isn't that's something you get from B&Q?

Pretty sure Rochica was sat on her sofa pretending to work in last week’s backstory too. Relatable.

Does Freya like coffee? Can anyone double check for me?

Amanda is making ‘OPEN SESAME’ brandy snaps. Pun of the series so far.

Incredible scenes as Amanda tells off her reluctant daughter on international TV for not enunciating clearly enough.

Maggie loves to travel in a camper van?! Would watch a show where she, and legendary baker Val, drive to Ayia Napa together *emails Channel 5*

Wait. Crystelle and her siblings have rhyming names? And one is named after that parrot that went missing in Liverpool last year?!

Utterly OBSESSED with this Facebook video of this woman who’s lost her parrot Chanel. #FINDCHANEL 🙏🏼 ❤️ pic.twitter.com/NJHdutnWoj

— James (@jamesc1995) April 23, 2020

Harry Potter and the Foolish Decision Not To Practice.

I’m a big fan of Lizzie making “generic fast-food chain apple pie-inspired” brandy snaps. It simply rolls off the tongue!

I predict erotic shots of pipes and horns being filled with cream.

The bakers have to make 24 brandy snaps.

Brandy Snaps – my new drag name.

Updated

True. All it takes is one mistake for everything to disintegrate. This week they have to make 3D BISCUIT SCULPTURES! Let the misery commence!

you're watching channel 4 pic.twitter.com/ODGPNwaV2O

— Scott Bryan (@scottygb) September 28, 2021

I think Biscuit Week is the hardest of all the weeks – simply because of the level of engineering the judges expect in the Showstopper. In my year I’d only just managed to make mine work the day before we left … shudders.

Ah, the Bake Off tradition where you casually think “what the f–” prior to the opening titles has started earlier this year.

Ahh, I love pink wafers. They remind me of being 12. I’ve never been able to taste a colour more vividly.

It has frozen again. I think we’re in for a long night everyone.

OK you win on the snacks front.

Evening bakers! Good news for me is that the Tuesday group I foolishly signed up for before checking the tv schedules has been cancelled this week.

No biscuits here but I still have some boozy coffee and chocolate cake left from Saturday if anyone would like a piece. (Coffee sponge drizzled in Tia Maria, sandwiched with vanilla mascarpone and grated chocolate, and topped with chocolate ganache and chocolate curls.) Any takers?

In more important news ... what is our snacking status please? I’m working my way through a 10-pack of Tunnock’s Teacakes (because I think the bottom bit is technically a biscuit…).

10 minutes to go until Bake Off is on and Channel 4 just froze again during an advert. It’s back now. Yikes.

Don’t forget that Jürgen referred to himself as “a Happy Little Jürgen”. I’ve been thinking about it all week. Anyway, let’s start off this week’s Bake Off Bingo:

  • “Rustic” being used as a code-word for “ugly”
  • A nonplussed Jürgen ignoring a presenter “doing comedy”
  • A handshake for no reason
  • Prue getting sozzled on a boozy bake
  • Freya eating a bacon bap

In case you want a refresher of last week’s episode (I don’t blame you as there are so many bakers), here is a quick recap of Cake Week:

  • Maggie is Prue Leith’s body double and at one point referred to herself in the third person. Icon.
  • Prue declared that nobody under 35 knew what a malt loaf was, resulting in an extensive discussion about malt loaves in the comments.
  • George started his Bake Off journey by calmly uttering: “I feel sick. Why did I apply for this? What is wrong with me?”
  • Whoever is designing the outfits Lizzie and Noel are wearing must be making a killing on Etsy.
  • Tom, the one we all fell in love with solely because he worked at a model train store, left the competition.
  • Jürgen owns a trombone and has a rabbit called Humphrey.
  • Jürgen is also responsible for The Saddest Bake Off Moment Of All Time™

BAFTA award for saddest TV moment 😭 #gbbo pic.twitter.com/UUehU9PvKD

— ★ ANASTAZIA ★ (@__Anastazia__) September 21, 2021

Hello, you. Welcome to the Guardian’s Bake Off liveblog with me and Michael Chakraverty. And welcome to Biscuit Week.

Before we kick off, two things to flag. The first is that Channel 4 is still experiencing technical problems after a major outage at the weekend so let’s pray we actually make it to 9.30pm. The second – just to scare everyone – it was Biscuit Week last year when every baker decided to use mango as one of their ingredients, #mangogate was born and we all had a collective meltdown.

In case you are wondering, I have counted how many times mangoes have been included in recipes this series.

(the reason why there was loads in biscuit week was because it was in a technical) #GBBO pic.twitter.com/xjjepwPKqH

— Scott Bryan (@scottygb) October 20, 2020

Updated

Contributors

Scott Bryan and Michael Chakraverty

The GuardianTramp

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