Thank you SO much for reading this week’s liveblog. It has been an enjoyable escape from us all feeling like this..
See you next week for Dessert Week! This is your one week warning to buy snacks.
See you soon x
But such sad news for Lottie. She is truly the beating heart of this series. She was so relatable. I loved her cynical, wry sense of humour. And never forget the time when Linda said “time just flies, when you’re having fun” and Lottie responded...
...“Who just said they are having fun?”
Yes, wonderful news for lovely Hermine - who is certainly one to watch out for, and has been one of the most consistent bakers of the series thus far.
COME THROUGH HERMINE! After being consistent in nearly every bake, Hermine has finally, deservedly clinched Star Baker. It means that every baker remaining in the competition has won Star Baker once. Nobody has got more than one Star Baker either, so there’s no clear front runner. It’s all to play for.
It’s also often said (by me, to anyone who will listen and many others who won’t) that the week seven eliminee is the most talented and handsome of the whole bunch anyway. Lottie’s joining an elite club. Welcome.
And there we have it. Lottie is going home.
We’ve had a lovely lotta Lottie, and I’m going to miss her so much. For someone who only packed enough clothes for two weeks (no, seriously), she’s done a cracking job. Her unflappably sarcastic outlook has brought me so much joy.
“Not as hot as yesterday,” says Matt Lucas. Flashback to ten minutes ago when we saw a thermostat pointing out that it was THIRTY THREE DEGREES.
It's time to find out who is going home...
They have lovely mugs, don’t they. I mean, they’re very clearly empty. But they are lovely. I’m referring to the tableware. Stop it.
Someone hug Laura immediately.
Paul says you can never keep brownies fudgy in a freezer. Paul, let me introduce you to my friends Ben and Jerry.
Laura’s does look mildly radioactive, but I just can’t see it being criticised when the temperatures are so inhospitable this week. It’s like asking them to bake with only ice cubes. What’s the point?
Actually, I don’t think Laura’s looks *that* different to Dave’s? Or is that heresy?
“Besides the puffed rice at the bottom I’m not getting anything”. Puffed rice is essentially Coco Pops, which she won’t have made. Oh, Lottie. My heart is breaking.
Screaming. Extremely relatable, though,
“I didn’t want to present something too simple”, says Dave. “Hold my beer”, says Lottie and her chocolate puddle.
I would very much like to eat Peter’s ice cream cake. That’s a bit of me.
It's the Showstopper judging
I did not expect Marc’s ice cream cake to hold up so well given the extreme conditions.
At this rate, I feel that Laura is going to present her bake by wheeling over the fridge freezer and just opening the door.
“You have one minute left,” says Matt Lucas.
“To do what? Remake an entire ice cream cake?,” replies Lottie.
Lottie, that burn risks melting your cake even more.
They’re having to ice them in the freezers. Heavens above.
Lottie and Laura’s cakes look doomed, but Lottie is trying to make Laura feel better by pointing out all of the various ways in which hers is worse than Laura’s. That’s the Bake Off spirit 💕💕💕
That awful thump from Laura’s freezer as her cake fell? I felt it in my SOUL.
When the temperatures are in the thirties, if their Showstoppers start falling apart, surely it shouldn’t be their fault? I know the producers can’t change the challenge last minute (this series was filmed in unique conditions too), but it feels a wee bit unfair.
Sorry I’ve gone quiet. It’s hard to type while my hands are covering my eyes.
The constant opening and closing of freezer doors. The sense that everything is melting around us. Who else right now is getting serious Diana Baked Alaska-gate flashbacks?
Love Laura using the fan to cool down her boobs, there.
“What could go wrong?” says Laura, while everything for her continues to go wrong.
Noooo! Laura forgot to press the “on” button on her ice cream machine. She’s taking it VERY WELL. That said, I’m not sure that the visual of her brown fingers should have been on primetime television.
Marc tells us that the tent is 35C. Ice cream needs to be at -30C to set. That means they have to reduce the temperature of their ice cream by 65 degrees in around three hours. This is wild.
There are a lot of references to the past in this episode. Us millennials feel left out. What is “a Sting” please?
Sounds like Lottie’s going to be making a milkshake. Sounds delicious.
Can confirm, sweaty clothes. Seriously.
“That’s risky,” says Paul to Dave. In British speak, this means “this is a horrible idea.”
Supportive Queen Laura is breaking down ice cream for the masses. “If you can make a custard, you can make an ice cream. Just shove it in the freezer”. To be clear, this doesn’t work if you’ve used Bird’s custard like a filthy cheat, you heathens.
MANGO KLAXON!!!! Just when we thought we were safe, Hermine sucker-punched us with her mango-flavoured ice cream. Is this some sort of sick joke?
“We want to see them all hold their shape and form throughout,” says Paul, talking about the Showstopper. Could also apply to me in the days and weeks ahead.
I … just miss him, okay?
MICHAEL TALKING ABOUT MARK KLAXON!
It’s probably for the best that Mark hasn’t joined us for this week’s showstopper. Remember last time we had a bearded Northern Irish man dabbling in ice cream…
An ice cream cake, in this heat! After a deep fat fryer and shortcrust pastry challenge. This is less of a Showstopper challenge and more of a future baker class action lawsuit isn’t it?
The Showstopper this week is to bake a “re-imagined” ice cream cake in four hours and thirty minutes.
Perhaps they can re-imagine them as a chilled soup with soggy cake croutons.
Yesterday in the tent was the third hottest day ever in the UK, according to Matt Lucas. Environmental campaigners should highlight how global warming will affect the temperatures in the Bake Off tent. I will personally commit to lower energy consumption after that anecdote about how Hollywood had to peel off his trousers.
me: this is an election free liveblog.
‘A study in millennial fear’
So it looks like Marc and Hermine are up at the top, with Dave dangling at the bottom, perhaps with Lottie?
Here’s the standings after this week’s technical. Sixth: Dave (“you know what happened,” says Prue). Fifth: Lottie. Fourth: Laura (“the flavours are good, it just doesn’t look great” – extremely relatable.) Third: Marc. Second: Peter. First: Hermine (she’s invincible).
It's time for the technical judging
“The wrong colour, underproved… and doesn’t taste good”. Apart from that, Dave’s on to a winner.
That’s also what I said last week when I put on my work clothes for the first time in eight months.
“It’s not a great look is it, really” - says Lottie, who looks as if she has just done the ice bucket challenge, only without the ice or the bucket.
Oh, Dave. You know what they say, there’s no polishing a … donut. That just looks like a turd.
I’m getting real Arrested Development “Cornballer” vibes as the bakers are teetering over their deep fat fryers. Peter is referring to deep fat frying as being “quite a rush.”
Supportive Queen Laura is even laughing at Matt’s jokes as they soar above Peter’s three-year-old head.
“I don’t think that’s six inches. Looks very large. Big enough, is what I’m saying”. Lottie is boosting male egos across the country.
Dramatic wind and subsequent sweeping hairstyles is the closet Bake Off is going to get to feeling like the 80s.
They’re sweating through their aprons, bless them. At what point does this become unreasonable? A quick insight - when you take the sides off the tent it gets super windy and all your ingredients blow away.
WINDOW PANE TEST KLAXON! Mangoes and pizza ovens left shaking. Oh and it’s a casual 33 degrees in the tent.
I think about this a lot...
Must be hot. Prue has ABANDONED her coat and is wearing a VEST.
The bakers must make six custard and jam finger doughnuts.
Deep fat fryers, in this heat? Are we watching Bake Off or are we watching new police interrogation technique?
Hermine continues to sail through. Her bake is referred to as “absolutely gorgeous” by Paul, words you don’t usually hear from him. No Handshake, though. Remarkable to think that 10 minutes ago she thought - and we thought - she was a goner.
Laura’s got a leaky bottom. *Sniggers*
Prue complains that Marc’s quiches are too similar, which wouldn’t provide guests much choice if they were offered them at a party. Well, I for one would happily eat both quiches. Heck, when things return to normal I would happily attend a party.
I love it when the judges tell bakers that their work is awful and the bakers agree with them. “It’s disgusting”. “Yeah, I know, yeah.”
There goes Prue, shooting down my hopes for a baked bean and gherkin-flavoured matcha cake Showstopper for Bake Off 2021.
Quich Quiche is Quich? It’s time for the judging…
This whole challenge reminds me of the iconic Ja’mie, Private School Girl.
Supportive Queen Laura is my favourite this week. It’s decided. Her camaraderie is countered immediately by Dave half-heartedly muttering “don’t worry” over his shoulder.
“You want some help?,” says Laura, bouncing over to Hermine. “You’ve got ten minutes, they are never going to cook like that.” Although they don’t sound like the most encouraging words to tell someone in the middle of a crisis, Laura convincing Hermine to turn her oven to nuclear might actually save her. That’s the Bake Off spirit 💕
We’ve lost him, folks. I’ll be alone with you for the remainder of the evening. Oh no, Hermine’s having a wobble. Literally.
Do you think the tent should invest in some air-conditioning?
I wonder if it’s hot in the tent. Hopefully someone might mention it soon. NO SCOTT DON’T TALK ABOUT AIRCON PLEASE NOOO.
“Just a smattering of sausage” from Lottie, apparently. Sounds like an ideal morning.
Dave is describing his quiche concept.“I think it’s very original,” says Prue, aka the polite British way of saying “Dave are you out of your mind?”
Scrambled egg in a quiche? Dave is wisely getting in ahead of any comments that his custard might have split.
While everyone else’s quiches are melting, Hermine has somehow managed to freeze her pastry. She’s now sunning it in the hope of revival, a bit like when you go to a lovely spa.
Seeing the quiches being cooled like this feels exceedingly middle class.
Dave seems to have forgotten about the existence of fridges, using a desktop fan to cool his pastry like a middle aged woman by the pool in Lanzarote.
Peter has worn shorts every episode, Michael. I bet he was born in 2018 wearing them.
The bakers are wearing shorts. We weren’t allowed to wear shorts in my year. I feel hard done by. The world never got to see my knees.
It’s so hot in the tent I think everyone is delirious. Noel just casually implied that if ET was alive today he would be using Grindr.
Laura is making a pizza quiche. I wonder whether she’s practiced this … in her Private Outdoor Pizza Oven, perhaps?! (I couldn’t not mention it).
While everyone else discusses the 80s, we hear something like “I am really young and I was born only last week” from Scottish Peter.
It’s really hot this week so Paul is warning that the bakers will have to concentrate. Because normally, they don’t have to, apparently.
Prue has just been reminiscing about her love for a quiche Lorraine, providing the perfect opportunity for me to reminisce about the time Joe Lycett presented Lorraine Kelly with a quiche Lorraine, on ITV’s Lorraine.
The bakers have to bake eight individual quiches with two different savoury flavours in two hours.
Shortcrust pastry! Savoury custard base! Served out of their tins! Has this got anything to do with the 80s?
Each of the bakers are fondly reminiscing about the 80s. Meanwhile Lottie wistfully remembers, er, “frozen packet meals.” Cos we don’t have them anymore, right…?
Thrilled that Bake Off, despite a bubble year, is still carrying on with its tradition of making the bakers take on challenges that require cold temperatures in the middle of a heatwave.
Can’t believe there’s not going to be anyone talking about “behhk off” any more. And to make matters WORSE he never even got to say “floyurrrrr” à la Nadine Coyle. RIP Mark, my Northern Irish King.
Actually, can we make it a mango-free zone, too? Please? Pretty please? I’ll be lurking BTL this evening so do throw any innuendos my way. I’ll be a willing receiver. (Stop it).
I have never been more thankful that Bake Off is on this week. Same with Strictly and Gogglebox. Continuity, despite everything, is so necessary at a time like this.
So. There has been A LOT of news recently. Some might say there’s been too much, even. Let’s make tonight a politics and Covid-free zone, for all of our sanity, and enjoy 80s week as a little escape. It’s what Thatcher would have wanted. Damnit! Ok, no politics, starting now.
Such, such heartbreaking news. Luis will be remembered fondly by all of us in the Bake Off family - such a wonderful man with such a large heart. He was one of the first bakers I remember championing throughout their time in the tent - not least because of this incredible baking feat, which makes me smile whenever I see it:
We start with some sad news. Luis Troyano, from the 2014 final, passed away last week. I was lucky enough to meet him a couple of years ago and we got on like a house on fire. He was so kind, generous and good humoured. I’ll miss him. Much love to his family and friends.
Welcome to The Guardian’s Bake Off liveblog. Aaaaaaaaand it’s 80s week! Duran Duran. The Berlin Wall. The rivalry between BBC’s Breakfast Time and ITV’s Good Morning Britain, leading to the overnight success of Roland the Rat. We remember none of it, because we weren’t alive. But the baking possibilities are endless!