Clean Bandit, the Cambridge-educated group who looked at dance music and thought, “What this needs is more violins”, redefine cringe-worthy in this new ad for Cortana. In it, the band chat with the Windows Phone personal assistant as they prepare to attend the Brit awards. Cortana, which even Robin Thicke would concede is a Siri rip-off, promises to remind cello player Grace not to dance on tables while mocking the band’s violinist Neil for his taste in hideously garish jackets.
If Clean Bandit’s reason for accepting the job was money then they weren’t paid enough; if it was to create something even worse than their music then they went too far. And if you last long enough without clawing out your eyeballs or jumping into the hole in the ground your mind willed into existence, well, things then turn a bit weird.
Neil, undeterred from having his garms dissed by an algorithm, tries to chat up Cortana. “What are you wearing, Cortana?” he asks, like he’s in a shit version of the film Her. Cortana replies: “A phone. Like it?” At which point the band laugh as if this is the funniest thing they have ever heard. Who knows, maybe it is; Clean Bandit don’t exactly seem like a night out with Tina Fey and Amy Poehler in terms of LOLs.
More likely is that they’re just sucking up to their Microsoft overlords: it doesn’t exactly take a Black Flag fan to spot that Clean Bandit have always seemed like a group more likely to say “I’m with the brand” than most. This, though, is a new low. Come back Duffy and your Diet Coke bicycle, all is forgiven.
