The new Cortana advert: watch Clean Bandit’s career die before your eyes

‘“What are you wearing, Cortana?” he asks, like he’s in a shit version of the film Her’. Cortana replies: “A phone. Like it?”

Clean Bandit, the Cambridge-educated group who looked at dance music and thought, “What this needs is more violins”, redefine cringe-worthy in this new ad for Cortana. In it, the band chat with the Windows Phone personal assistant as they prepare to attend the Brit awards. Cortana, which even Robin Thicke would concede is a Siri rip-off, promises to remind cello player Grace not to dance on tables while mocking the band’s violinist Neil for his taste in hideously garish jackets.

If Clean Bandit’s reason for accepting the job was money then they weren’t paid enough; if it was to create something even worse than their music then they went too far. And if you last long enough without clawing out your eyeballs or jumping into the hole in the ground your mind willed into existence, well, things then turn a bit weird.

Neil, undeterred from having his garms dissed by an algorithm, tries to chat up Cortana. “What are you wearing, Cortana?” he asks, like he’s in a shit version of the film Her. Cortana replies: “A phone. Like it?” At which point the band laugh as if this is the funniest thing they have ever heard. Who knows, maybe it is; Clean Bandit don’t exactly seem like a night out with Tina Fey and Amy Poehler in terms of LOLs.

More likely is that they’re just sucking up to their Microsoft overlords: it doesn’t exactly take a Black Flag fan to spot that Clean Bandit have always seemed like a group more likely to say “I’m with the brand” than most. This, though, is a new low. Come back Duffy and your Diet Coke bicycle, all is forgiven.

David Renshaw

The GuardianTramp

Related Content

Article image
The new Renault Zoe advert
‘The latest Renault Zoe campaign sucks the venom out of That’s Entertainment like a nuclear-powered Dyson’

Graeme Virtue

08, Nov, 2014 @6:00 AM

Article image
The new Protect Your Bubble advert

'John McEnroe looks like he's nipped out of the Wimbledon commentary booth for a wee and found himself trapped inside a Talking Heads song'

Graeme Virtue

11, Jan, 2014 @6:00 AM

Article image
The new Facebook advert: reminding us of a beautiful time before Facebook
‘Facebook knows that it’s corrupted a generation, that in real life you’d never get three people dancing in a kitchen without one of them uploading a video of it’

Sam Richards

04, Apr, 2015 @8:00 AM

Article image
The new Coca-Cola advert: they don’t just want your money, they want your heart
With its stereotypes about cool kids, nerds and brotherly bonds, Coca Cola are scraping the barrel with well-worn cliches

Joel Golby

06, Feb, 2016 @9:00 AM

Article image
The new Heineken advert

'Now, its slogan is "Open Your World", global epiphany being precisely what you experience after 10 pints of Heineken'

David Stubbs

25, May, 2013 @5:00 AM

Article image
The new Tassimo advert

'Annoyed, our lady sets down the phone, whips up a Tassimo coffee and slurps smugly as insulation-blab is blabbed'

Luke Holland

01, Dec, 2012 @12:05 AM

Article image
The new Smirnoff advert

'Last time you had a "nocturnal awakening" involving a bottle of vodka, you probably found yourself dumping your bedsheets in the bath as your significant other wept in the darkness'

Louis Pattison

17, Nov, 2012 @12:05 AM

Article image
The new EE advert

Kevin Bacon tells us he's connected by a series of seemingly random facts about stuff Kevin Bacon has clearly never heard of

Issy Sampson

24, Nov, 2012 @12:05 AM

Article image
The new Samsung advert

'Now she's really going to get her own back on her fun-policing mother by … owning an energy-saving washing machine'

Rachel Aroesti

30, Nov, 2013 @6:00 AM

Article image
The new Wilko advert

'It turns out that what Wilko's really about is pirates'

Joel Golby

03, May, 2014 @5:00 AM