In the spring a young man's fancy
Lightly turns to thoughts of love …
PC Burns (motto "Calm down") has taken a fancy to Fallon from The Bull. PC Burns is a bobby dazzler (see what I did there?) and so is Fallon. It was said of Elsie Tanner that she was the sort of woman every commercial traveller hoped would open the door. Fallon is a girl like that. PC Burns got her attention by locking her up when a hen party got out of hand. His first name is Harrison, though that is not what Fallon called him at the time.
Ambridge's strenuous triathlon ended exhilaratingly with a punch-up between the leaders, Ian and Rob. How many sporting events, one feels, would be improved by a spirited bout of fisticuffs at the end. "My money's on the big fella," said Wiggo, the visiting celebrity, as they fell brawling at his feet. He said he was pleased to be in The Archers because he "grew up with it on the radio in the house". He means it was background noise. Obviously, he didn't listen but, just as obviously, his mother did. I suspect he turned up to please his Mum.
Meanwhile Jennifer (who has bullied Brian into buying a designer kitchen) and Kirsty (who is marrying Tom) are kickstarting the economy single-handed. Jennifer has ordered Umbrian tiles, pentagons, boiling taps and An Intuitive Space (somewhere to intuit). Kirsty has ordered two wedding dresses, a honeymoon in a rainforest and a new house. Two tiny problems. Brian is facing a takeover and Tom's pigs may have TB.
It was the eve of Mother's Day. Catkins out on the pussy willow and bees sipping their syrup. Everything spring and golden. Everything up and buzzing. Then Ruth, who is in her 40s, miscarried a baby, an unexpected bonus baby. That was pretty brutal timing. They could at least have given the jaunty jig that Wiggo remembered so fondly a miss.
And I hope they remembered to tell the bees.
A Month in Ambridge returns on 28 April
