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It's the greatest pop culture tragedy of the last 20 years: not Britney and Justin splitting up, not Bill Murray opting out of Ghostbusters 3, but the realisation that Kevin Bacon is the only human being on Earth that doesn't know how to play the Six Degrees Of Kevin Bacon game. Trotting through the streets of Lewes, East Sussex, Kevin Bacon tells us he's connected, by a series of seemingly random facts about stuff Kevin Bacon has clearly never heard of – Catchphrase, Coronation Street, Ken Barlow – to a dog called Rover. Er, Kevin? The Six Degrees Of Kevin Bacon game connects you to any Hollywood personality. Is Rover a famous dog? Megan Fox's acting coach? Harvey Weinstein's decision maker? Michael Bay's screenwriter? No, it's a dog, Kevin. Just a normal, albeit very handsome, dog. He's probably even the George Clooney of dogs, but Kevin: still a dog. If you're playing by your rules, you might as well have pointed out that you were in My Dog Skip, and Rover's a dog too. Fewer steps, you see. Because that's the idea of the game. Poor, clueless Kevin Bacon strides on, into a pub (he knows the barman, because he knows everyone!) and proceeds to say a load of words that Kevin Bacon's never said before in his life – referring to a film as "taking donkeys" to load, eating a pork scratching, and not even making the obligatory "oooh" sound when a woman buys a round of drinks with her phone. So thanks and all that, Kevin, but I think I'll skip Everything Everywhere … oh, hang on, Orange have already swapped me on to it without asking me, so never mind.
