NCIS
9pm, Five
Faint echoes of the Schwarzenegger movie True Lies in this series seven opener, as Tony travels to North Africa on a vengeance mission against terrorist leader Saleem Ulman, whom he believes was responsible for the apparent death of NCIS agent Ziva David. However, he's promptly taken hostage by Ulman's people and discovers that she is still alive. The administration of a truth serum leads to a lengthy recap and then an ultimatum that could compromise NCIS's operations in the entire region. DS Britain's Fattest Man
9.35pm, Channel 4
That's 49-year-old Paul Mason who is estimated to weigh a mind-boggling 70 stone. His family have disowned him and he's only alive because social services spend £2,000 a week caring for him. His only real chance of survival beyond a few years is an operation, but that means getting Paul to hospital (he's too big for an ambulance) and the floors there won't take his weight. His dream is to walk again, but then the tabloids get hold of his story and he finds himself at the centre of a debate on whether the taxpayer should finance treatment for the morbidly obese. MS Barbara Windsor: A Comedy Roast
10.35pm, Channel 4
"A roast is where we show someone we love them by constantly ridiculing them. It's a bit like a marriage," explains host Jimmy Carr, as he lines Barbara Windsor up for the affectionate comedy drubbing. After 50 years in showbiz, she has plenty of friends willing to step up and insult her age, upbringing and career, including Bernard Cribbins, Christopher Biggins, Sean Lock and Alan Carr. Although the jokes are cruel, it's surprisingly loving, and more wholesome than it seems. RN Carpool
8.30pm, Dave
For its makers, Carpool certainly has budgetary virtues. Instead of going to the expense of hiring a studio and building a set, they simply send out Robert Llewellyn in his Toyota Prius to pick up celebrities, whom he is then filmed interviewing in his car. Cheap as chips. This week, it's the turn of Jason Byrne, en route from the airport, who waxes vaguely amusing about conspiracy theories. Jo Brand is the next passenger, getting to retell the story of how she once flunked an audition to play herself.
DS
The Golden Age of Coach Travel
9pm, BBC4
In a time when the coach is popularly regarded as the inter-city transit of absolute last resort, it takes some convincing that there ever was a gilded epoch of the type suggested by this film's title. This warmly nostalgic Timeshift documentary does just this, however, skilfully and affectingly evoking coach trips on the motorways of the 1950s, as railways declined and before air travel became widely accessible. Old-school coach veterans remember the period warmly, while transport historians provide more rigorous perspectives. A well-wrought illustration of a Britain that existed really quite recently. AM Breaking Bad
10pm, FX
The tale of Walt – a suburban chemistry teacher who uses his particular talents to generate revenue for his family when he discovers he has cancer – was a sleeper hit when first shown, so these repeats are cause for considerable celebration. Rare among such shows, BB doesn't cheat its way out of difficult situations and every episode is a must-see: each moral crisis, every awkward situation Walt finds himself in, he has to wriggle out of in agonising real time, and it's among the things that makes this a very, very good show. Hopefully this time, Breaking Bad will get the wider acclaim (and audience) it deserves. JR
