Pass notes: Uber Eats.
Age: Launched by ride service Uber in 2014.
Appearance: Just in the nick of time.
Why? Are you hungry? I certainly will be. Good point.
You mean you’re not ordering food? No, I was just ordering weed. And now a massive pizza, possibly with peanut butter on it.
Your driver is also a dealer? No, he’s just an Uber driver who brings me weed.
In what weird, alternate universe does such a thing happen? Canada.
Seriously? Uber Eats Canada has hooked up with several marijuana dispensaries in Toronto to offer weed delivery.
Is this legal? Cannabis has been legal in Canada for four years now, and Uber Eats had previously allowed orders for pick-ups from authorised dispensaries to go through its app. But third-party delivery of cannabis is just being launched now.
How come? According to one survey, only about 57% of the marijuana bought in Ontario in the first three months of last year was purchased legally. And the real percentage was probably lower.
Why would that be? Possibly because you had to go out and get it. Only illegal dealers offered a delivery service.
Potheads: so lazy. A spokesperson for Uber Eats Canada said the company hoped to offer “convenient options for people in Toronto”. They’re also claiming delivery weed “will help combat the illegal market and help reduce impaired driving”.
So, this is being dressed up as some kind of public service. As long as they bring my weed, I’m OK with that.
How does the whole thing work in practice? Uber Eats has coordinated with a cannabis provider called Leafly, which processes orders for Toronto’s three marijuana dispensaries.
Do any restrictions apply? You have to be 19 or older, and government-licensed staff will deliver the drug and verify the customer’s age before handing it over.
Will they also verify the sobriety of the customer? Oh God, I hope not.
I’ve Googled it, and it looks as if they do check you’re not already too high. Now I’m starting to get paranoid.
Calm down. Find yourself a neutral space. You’re giving me the fear!
It’s gonna be OK. Draw the curtains, turn off the lights and cancel everything. Not the pizza. Please God, not the pizza.
Do say: “So, three pre-rolls, six vape pens, some wavy haze and a few edibles. Anybody else want anything?”
Don’t say: “Arrived within 20 minutes. Felt like eight hours. Five stars.”