Age: 26.
Occupation: Singer-songwriter.
Full name: Adele Emeli Sandé Gouraguine.
That's a quite a moniker. Where's she from? Aberdeen.
No, I mean, where was she born? Oh. Sunderland.
What does she do? She sells a lot of CDs.
How many? 1.82m copies in the UK alone, according to the Official Albums Chart. Her album Our Version of Events has spent more time in the Top 10 than any other debut album, shattering a record held for almost 50 years by the Beatles.
Give over. It's true. The Beatles' Please Please Me spent 62 weeks in the Top 10. Sandé's debut has just reached 63.
Sigh. What's wrong? Are you lamenting the Fab Four's displacement as kings of pop?
I just thought that when that record was finally broken, it would be by someone I had heard of. Emeli Sandé is not exactly hiding her light under a bushel. She won best female artist and best album at the Brit awards in February.
I must have been away for that. She has also had three No 1 singles.
I guess I don't really listen to the radio as much as I used to. She sang at the Olympics opening ceremony last year.
I only saw the closing ceremony. She sang at that as well.
Look, you know my Pass Notes persona requires me to maintain a state of total ignorance. Otherwise, what would be the point of you telling me anything? Just do your job, and fill me in. Very well. Sandé studied medicine at the University of Glasgow, but gave it up in her fourth year to concentrate on music. In addition to performing, she has written songs for the likes of Cher Lloyd, Susan Boyle, Leona Lewis, Tinie Tempah and Cheryl Cole. When she first came to public attention, she decided to use her middle name instead of her real first name, Adele, in order to avoid confusion with the other Adele.
What other Adele? Oh stop it.
Do say: "Well done, Emeli! Now it's time for you to go and crack America!"
Don't say: "Nice work, Adele. Are you doing something different with your hair?"
• This article was amended on 30 April 2013 because the original misspelled Tinie Tempah as Tinah Tempah.
