It's official: the Libertines have gone upmarket. Following Carl Barât's recent voyage into the world of unfeasibly dreadful fashion photography for his new album sleeve, Pete Doherty has also decided to wade into the fray with his own line of luxury jewellery.
Albion Trinketry – yes, that's what it's really called – fulfils Doherty's long-held dream to create something expensive enough to alienate his fans and pointless enough to alienate everyone else. But what items are available in this spellbinding new collection? Luckily, I got a sneak preview.
The range encapsulates Doherty's love of things that look much older than they actually are, as evidenced by the state of most of his organs. And, like his music, the Albion Trinketry collection appears to be the work of a wino trapped in a metal dustbin. Sorry, I meant original and timeless.
Here's some of the highlights ...
Cufflinks
Pete Doherty understands that the modern man wants his cufflinks to be practical as well as stylish. He should to be able to take them off at a moment's notice because, for example, he wants to inject himself with heroin from a bejewelled syringe or because he needs to roll up his sleeve and fish a bag of drugs from the U-bend of a grotty public toilet. So are Doherty's cufflinks practical as well as stylish? No. But he understands that they probably should be. Isn't that enough?
Rings
Possibly the highlight of the Albion Trinketry range, Doherty's rings all feature a hand-carved military-inspired cross and are made with oxidised silver, rose gold, black diamonds, mammoth tusk, some of Oscar Wilde's fingernails, milk-bottle tops, his mother's tears and anything Pete has been able to half-inch off the back of the rag-and-bone cart.
Watch chain
Why don't men carry pocket watches any more? Is it because wristwatches and mobile phones have rendered them redundant? No. It's because, until now, watch chains have always been notoriously ugly and unreliable. But thanks to a combination of Doherty's craftsman's eye and cutting-edge technology, you're now just one small step away from owning an item that you couldn't possibly afford and have no real use for. Thanks, Pete.
Bespoke commissions available
For the princely sum of however much money he happens to need at the precise time you ask him, Doherty is able to design any piece of jewellery you like. It doesn't matter what you want, he can make it for you. Order now. Just give him the money first. Oh come on, he's good for it. He needs this, all right? He needs this.
