Name: Dolly Parton’s reinvention.
Appearance: Big blond hair, electric guitar, loads of leather.
I think you just accidentally described the lead singer of Def Leppard. Ah, close. You see, Dolly Parton is a rock icon now.
No she isn’t. She is. All that boring old country and western stuff can get in the bin. Dolly Parton is a rock star, and to prove it she is recording an album called Rock Star.
Ironically? No. She’s going to cover Stairway to Heaven on it, and she wants Led Zeppelin – or at least its surviving members – to reunite to record it with her.
This seems like a very elaborate prank. It isn’t, at all. Parton revealed her plan on The Tonight Show this week, telling the host, Jimmy Fallon: “I’m a rock star now, that’s what they say … I’d always thought I might want to do a rock record, because my husband is a rock’n’roll freak.”
Well, obeying the wishes of your longterm spouse is a very rock’n’roll instinct. I’m ignoring that. Parton’s dramatic rock reinvention seems to have started with her initiation into the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame this year, during which she performed a full-blast rock song.
Which one? Rock Song.
Oh. It’s good! The song starts with her listing all the rock songs she likes, then vows that she’ll keep rocking until she’s dead.
Well, that’s fantastic. Pardon?
It’s great. Dolly Parton can do whatever she likes. I think you misunderstand the basic pass notes format. Usually one of us says something and then the other one disagrees in a sarcastic way.
Disagree, then. I … I can’t. I also think that Dolly Parton can do whatever she likes.
She’s great, isn’t she? She’s amazing! Did you know that she wrote Jolene and I Will Always Love You on the same day? Imagine that. It’s more than most people accomplish in their entire lifetime, and she did it in a day.
And don’t forget her charity work. God! Her charity work! She’s responsible for the Dolly Parton Imagination Library, which ships books to more than 1 million underprivileged children around the world every single month, and has been credited with helping to improve early childhood literacy.
I know! I love her! Me too! She donated $1m to Covid vaccine research as well. And she helped to save the bald eagle from extinction. No wonder Jeff Bezos gave her $100m to donate to her charities of choice this year. As such, I cannot bring myself to be sarcastic about her going rock.
Me neither. Glad we agree. Well, this has been lovely and very civilised. Shall we try being nice to each other tomorrow as well?
Bog off. Oh well, worth a shot.
Do say: “Dolly Parton has released a rock song called Rock Song.”
Don’t say: “It still sort of sounds like a country song, though.”