Pinkshinyultrablast, Majestic & Jungle 70, Meghan Trainor: this week’s new tracks rated and slated

In the Guide single reviews, no one is safe, especially the All About That Bass singer

PICK OF THE WEEK

Pinkshinyultrablast
Holy Forest (Club AC30)

Pinkshinyultrablast’s glacial shoegaze was born out of boredom with the stagnant rock scene in their home town St Petersburg. This song oscillates between ambience and heaviness, between the bands Lush and Mew. And considering words such as “cock” and “whore” are banned from use in the arts in Russia, Holy Forest is almost certainly safe to play in front of any bilingual toddlers you might find yourself DJing to. I’d prefer to not end the review like this, but if I’m honest, it’s virtually impossible to find a snappy punchline about Russian shoegaze.

ALSO OUT THIS WEEK

Majestic & Jungle 70
Creeping In The Dark (Armand Van Helden Remix) (Capitol)

If your 2015 resolution was to stop hammering substances of any kind, then Armand Van Helden’s reworking of Majestic’s 2013 garage track should sufficiently corrupt you. Its thuggish rave hook is initially bracing, but by the time the adrenaline subsides you’ll want to be in your bed with a hot water bottle instead of in a suspiciously damp cab driving around the North Circular with a man called Fat Gaz who somehow has your house keys.

Meghan Trainor
Lips Are Moving (Sony)

She may look real but Meghan Trainor is in fact an escaped avatar from Second Life. Or a character from the board game Guess Who? The point I’m making is that there’s something oddly vacant about the pristine cuteness she’s pushing on us. It’s almost as if she’s been created by aliens as the archetypal good gal who’ll distract us from oncoming cosmic malevolence. This new song does nothing but enhance my suspicions: the follow-up to her hit All About That Bass is a chintzy diner ditty perfect for a big milkshake and a walk along the promenade and getting killed by lasers from space.

Fergie
LA LOVE (La La) (Interscope)

When Trainor nukes the planet in 2032, the only surviving creation will be the Black Eyed Peas’ I Gotta Feeling. I should resent Fergie for her part in creating such parasitic pop, but as a solo artist there’s something tackily transfixing about her. LA LOVE (La La), nine years after her last solo album, fixes her feet firmly in hip-hop pop, with lurching beats by DJ Mustard and lyrics that list world locations languorously. The song is by no means seminal but any artist rocking a barbell eyebrow piercing past 2003 is commendable for sartorial bravery alone.

Circa Waves
Fossils (Virgin)

With their frayed jeans and ramshackle riffs, these Liverpudlians belong on-stage at an NME club night in 2004 supporting We Are Scientists. But following the success of Catfish And The Bottlemen, I have no doubt they will prosper anyway. After all, indie isn’t over until the fat (thin) lady (Steve Lamacq) sings (gets so old he can’t be arsed to go to Camden).

Contributor

Harriet Gibsone

The GuardianTramp

Related Content

Tough Love, Elicit, Jessie Ware: this week’s tracks rated and slated
In the Guide single reviews, no one is safe, not even Disney star Nick Jonas

Hannah J Davies

13, Mar, 2015 @1:00 PM

Wiley, Noel Gallagher, LunchMoney Lewis: this week’s new tracks rated and slated
Nobody’s safe in the Guide single reviews, not even ol’ eyebrows himself, Noel Gallagher

Joel Golby

08, May, 2015 @12:00 PM

Du Blonde, Usher, Alex Adair: this week’s new tracks rated and slated
In the Guide single reviews, no one is safe, especially that annoying git Alex Adair

Joel Golby

27, Feb, 2015 @1:00 PM

Florrie, Calvin Harris, The Vaccines: this week’s new tracks rated and slated
In the Guide single reviews, no one is safe, especially that chancer Calvin Harris

Issy Sampson

06, Mar, 2015 @1:00 PM

Django Django, Bear’s Den, Donae’o: this week’s new tracks rated and slated
In the Guide single reviews, no one is safe, especially that Cee-Lo wannabe Si Cranstoun

Joe Bish

13, Feb, 2015 @1:00 PM

Earl Sweatshirt, Madonna, Sam Smith: this week’s new tracks rated and slated
In the Guide single reviews no one is safe, especially the “spectacularly low yield” piano house of David Guetta and Emile Sandé

Sam Wolfson

20, Feb, 2015 @1:00 PM

Krill, Torres, Terror Danjah & Zed Bias: this week’s new tracks rated and slated
In the Guide single reviews, no one is safe, especially those ‘bozos’ Imagine Dragons

Gwilym Mumford

06, Feb, 2015 @1:00 PM

Chocolate Puma, Melissa Steel, Butch Walker: this week’s new tracks rated and slated
In the Guide single reviews, no one is safe, especially Kodaline

Issy Sampson

30, Jan, 2015 @1:00 PM

Dizzee Rascal, Shayne Ward, Nicki Minaj: this week’s new tracks rated and slated
In the Guide single reviews, no one is safe, especially that dollop of musical beige Shayne Ward

JJ Dunning

10, Apr, 2015 @11:00 AM

Dappy, Py, Ed Sheeran: this week’s new tracks rated and slated
In the Guide single reviews, no one is safe, especially that ‘dreadlocked Cabbage Patch doll’ Luke Friend

Rhik Samadder

27, Mar, 2015 @12:00 PM