Francois & The Atlas Mountains
Les Plus Beaux (Domino)
There is no more soothing and happy a form of music than Nigerian hi-life. These French cats pay tribute to it in such an accomplished fashion it makes you willing to overlook the slightly annoying colour-coordinated baggy knitted jumpers and facial hair that they insist on in the promo video. They sing of walking on beachfronts and falling into a dream of love with somebody special while twiddling and plinking along jauntily and hopefully. If they ever make TV adverts for Xanax, this should be the soundtrack.
Tronics
Shark Fucks/Time Off (What's Your Rupture)
From the New York label that put out the Iceage album, a reissue of a "mega ultra rare" (according to popsike.com) 1981 single by the guy who made those "Fuck Dancing, Let's Fuck" shirts. This is an amazing, primitive piece of lo-fi history that everybody who considers themselves cool should go out and buy forthwith.
One Direction
One Thing (Syco)
These guys are really playing the "ideal first boyfriend for your teenage daughter" card. But the innocent faces and the cute Irish choirboy singing can't mask the fact that frontman Harry Styles once whispered "Just think how much pussy you're gonna get" to some twit who won the X Factor live on national TV. They may sing like nightingales but their bedrooms reek of Lynx.
Bon Iver
Towers (4AD)
This guy's music is really pretty but he sings like he's caught his testicles in a vice. Good grief man, my GP's pretty easy to get an appointment with if you ring in the morning.
Jasmine Kara
Ain't No More Room (Acid Jazz)
This Swedish woman has so much hair product going on that my hands feel sticky, but the song is really good. It sounds like a brassy Jackson 5 B-side and makes me think of girls going ballistic on the dancefloor at wedding receptions in hotel function rooms.
James Blake
Love What Happened Here (R&S)
At 17 I bought an old mini-Wurlitzer from the classified ads. I'd sit in the garage for hours fiddling around with the different drum beats and beep-beep noises. Occasionally my dad would come in and grumpily mutter something along the lines of: "Are you ever gonna make a tune on that thing or are you just gonna mess around?" I wonder if James Blake's dad ever said the same thing to him?
Arctic Monkeys
Black Treacle (Domino)
It's hard not to like these National Treasures but, by the look and sounds of things, they've been spending way too much time on the west coast of America. Their new video's got hookers, the California state pen, and jail liquors. Plus that John Travolta quiff, Alex … WTF? You need to get back up north, lads. Get some butter pies down your necks.
