David Wickenden
4 Poofs on the road: Jack Kerouac eat your heart out, darling! Our splitter van (aptly named as its seats split your arse in two) trundles gaily up and down the motorway network and we become intimately acquainted with every service station. Trips are punctuated by Sudoku, Patti LuPone singing "Gypsy" on my iPod and Stephen farting. Even arriving in Burnley can come as a relief!
Ian Parkin
During our soundcheck, the fire alarm raises in the Hull Truck Theatre and we are whisked outside, half-dressed. Our patience wears thin, so thank goodness for the hot firemen in full uniform. That evening we go for a drink in the local gay bar. We've heard this place is rough but we didn't realise how rough. After the first round of drinks, a frightening brawl breaks out as the resident DJ gets the sack, so we're escorted back to the local Travelodge.
David Roper
I glug my first glass of fine vintage "tour" port. If it was good enough for such luminary luvvies as Gielgud and O'Toole, it's good enough for a Piano Poof on the road. It starts to anaesthetise me from the howling Newcastle gale prior to exposing myself - or at least my "showpants" - to the boisterous and positively buoyant Geordie crowd.
Stephen De Martin
We had a fun but odd show in Morecambe. A drunk woman kept taking photos - and when she was asked to stop, she threw herself out! Afterwards we went to a Blackpool club, where I was followed around by a Harry Potter lookalike. I thought my luck was in but, when we left, he walked me to the door then went back inside! Groupies ain't what they used to be.
• 4 Poofs and a Piano are currently on tour and rejoin Jonathan Ross on
23 January on BBC1