You should watch the Eurovision Song Contest tomorrow night. Really. For the music. Because as far as Pop Music (capital "P", capital "M", played mainly at sleepovers of primary school children and in gay bars) goes, the Icelandic entry - Congratulations by Silvia Night - is the song of the year. Finally, those of us who weep at the notion that Rachel Stevens can be passed off as a pop "personality" have found salvation.
So what makes Congratulations special? It's the similarity in sound to the records Max Martin produced for Britney Spears at the end of the last millennium, when she bossed the charts; it's the Eurovision's first known use of the word "fuck"; and it's the fact that the whole thing is a giant joke at the expense of Icelandic youth.
Silvia Night doesn't actually exist, you see, any more than the Brotherhood of Man were really a religious cult. She is a character played by the actress Agusta Eva Erlendsdottir in a parody reality TV show about teenagers who want nothing more than fame. The song transcends novelty - or, God forbid, irony - through the sheer force of Night's charisma, aided by a large dose of lisping, theatrical camp. Congratulations has more flames than the Hindenberg.
Night is also the first Eurovision star to attempt to replicate The Filth and the Fury of the Sex Pistols by swearing on live TV. "The vote is in, I'll fucking win!" she sings, proclaiming her own victory in the contest, a line that has prompted threats of disqualification if she dares include it in her performance in Athens tomorrow. Her response? "I'll fucking say what I fucking like."
The song reaches a "did-she-just-say-that?" apex during the middle eight, when Night indulges in a phone conversation. With God. "What's up, dog," she greets the almighty. "It's your favourite person in the world, Silvia Night, and I'm saving the world!"
If there's any justice in the world ("the world", for these purposes, being defined as Eurovision jurors at the end of phone lines in former eastern bloc countries), Iceland will be giving us the finest Eurovision winner since Abba.
· The Eurovision Song Contest is on BBC1 tomorrow at 8pm
