So here we are. Almost at the sweaty, steamy, testosterone-fuelled all-male grand final of this year's MasterChef. Can it get any gruntier?
Monday night saw all-out man-war of an 'extreme cooking challenge' in the depths of a bleak, barren wilderness (otherwise known as the Scottish Highlands). The boys' task was to serve up hearty food from massive ration packs to re-energise weary soldiers. A food-fight to the bitter end played out in an unforgivingly hostile environment – think Deliverance with meat cleavers. The battle became so fierce that even Torode was kitted out in a combat style jacket even though all he did was stand in the background.
Then last night's show took the three finalists to Buckingham Palace to cook for over 400 staff. The boys would be undertaking the task in the same hallowed halls where Queen Victoria and George III once roamed, so, they were solemnly warned, they would quite literally be required to prepare a feast fit for a king. Absolutely no pressure then.
Before they unleashed their regal fare on the royal household, the trio warmed up for their impending task by preparing a fish dish for the sole (salmon actually) pleasure of the judges. Gregg was unimpressed with Matt's Asian-infused salmon, demanding more of a "chilli slap round the face".
John was, as usual, enamoured with Andy, as he gushed over his "beautiful" salmon ravioli, while Gregg could not mask his disappointment over Chris's salmon and celeriac combo: "the courgettes were a mistake," he lamented sadly.
The following day, the boys were pumped up and ready to feed the masses. With the help of head chef Mark Flanagan, they prepared one main and one dessert each. It was never going to be an easy task but Chris flourished, quickly prepping the veg to accompany his bream dish and then throwing himself (not literally,) into his giant crumble. Andy fell behind with his slow-cooked lamb (the slow-cooking bit may have proved his downfall) and Matt's cheesecake stubbornly refused to set. Reinforcements eventually had to be drafted in but the food eventually got out and the staff were pleased, if not overwhelmed, by the results. "Yes ... it was different ... it was all right," gushed one guard excitedly. Chris emerged the night's clear winner, having redeemed himself from his badly-timed efforts earlier in the week.
So now there are only two more shows for Gregg to remind us that it doesn't get tougher than this, for Torode to reflect that whoever wins, it'll change their LAIIIFE, for the sexy voiceover lady to scold the contestants and play with our affections. We know it's going to be tough letting go. But let's not shed a tear, rather, let's see MasterChef 2009 out with a fanfare - in the shape of MasterChef bingo.
MasterChef bingo
We have prepared six cards, each has a selection of quotes (a cunning mix of suggestions from our random nonsense generator and real actual phrases we have reason to believe we'll be hearing on the night) and an ingredient.
So while your host, the lovely Anna liveblogs the show from 8pm (GMT) tomorrow night, we'll be playing bingo in the comments box. Here are the cards - download em, print em out, share them amongst friends and family and pay attention. When you have heard six quotes and seen the one ingredient on the card, comment, as fast as you can, shouting "House!" and specifying which card it is. The first person whose comment appears is the winner. Simples.
Be warned, there will be prizes, possibly including written words from Torode and Wallace. More tomorrow night. Sounds delicious, doesn't it? Or as Gregg would say: "Yeah baby, it rocks."
Download your bingo cards here - play as few or as many hands as you like:
