Name: The Sandwich Generation.
Age: 30s and up.
Appearance: Beleaguered.
OK, let me guess – is this the generation that never learned to cook and is still living off sandwiches in its, their, whatever 30s? No.
The generation that has embraced the freedom technology brings and chooses not to be tied down, simply flitting from job to job, carrying nothing but a laptop and a sandwich? No.
Is it a new generation of sandwiches? Gluten-free triple-deckers filled with in vitro meat fibres, tamarind paste and tears? No. It's the generation caught in the double bind of looking after their children and ageing baby boomer parents at the same time.
That does not sound like fun. The Office of National Statistics says they are behind the increasing proliferation of households comprising six or more people.
That doesn't sound like much fun either. Do you mean the ONS or the overcrowding?
Both, but we'll deal with the ONS another time. How prolific are these overcrowded households? There are around three million people living in about 543,000 of them – an increase of 25% over the past 10 years.
Wowsers! Are all these baby boomers getting sick at the same time, or what? The situation is aggravated by the fact that rising property prices and tuition fees are also forcing more and more people to stay in – or move back to – the family home and by the shortage of suitable housing generally.
I see. Plus people are living longer, having children later, parents need the affordable childcare that grandparents can provide, the cost of living is going up and up and so pooling dwindling resources becomes more and more necessary.
Well, there's no way property prices can be controlled, tuition fees reduced, more affordable homes built, childcare provided or the cost of living brought down so … I know.
We're going to have to start making women have all their children by 30 and turn everyone over 70 out into the snow to die. Yes. That is the only answer.
Do say: "No! There has to be another way! Let's all think really hard and see what we can do."
Don't say: "Actually, you know – I really fancy a sandwich."