I have been with my partner for three years, and a month ago she cheated on me. We discussed the matter and from that I discovered that this guy she cheated with is well endowed, lasted longer than me and has a huge sex drive. She now wants us to fix things, but I am uncomfortable knowing all of this. I am afraid that I will not satisfy her and she may end up going back to this person and that I’ll be hurt. What can I possibly do to overcome all of this?
Don’t believe your partner’s description of the other guy. It sounds spiteful. Is there a reason why she would try to hurt you? Is she angry or resentful of you for some reason? It’s time for a calm talk to try to understand each other far better and to have a chance to express your true feelings without resorting to blaming or name-calling. Tell her honestly that you feel uncomfortable and afraid and say: “Please help me to understand your feelings too.” After a breach of trust it takes time to repair a damaged relationship and the hazy spectre of a rival’s dimensions is really the least of your worries.
Pamela Stephenson Connolly is a US-based psychotherapist who specialises in treating sexual disorders.
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