Spoiler alert: it’s a piece about why spoilers are evil

Idiots who rush online with the entire plot of newly released films should cease and desist

Let’s hope that by the time you read this I’ve seen Avengers: Infinity War because you lot on the internet are killing me with your spoilers. Not just the spoilers, but where you’re actively trying to talk about the film but spoiler-free, or when you drop a reaction gif. I see them all. And they’re all getting my mind racing. And all I ask is that you respect the spoiler window.

There is a time between the beginning of a cultural moment’s promotional run and when you can give away important plot points on Twitter. I don’t know the exact length of time, but I’ll tell you… the first week after release is definitely within that precious period. I can’t drop everything on opening night and go watch a film. I certainly couldn’t when Infinity War came out because I was away teaching a course. But there I was, on a Friday night, the day of official release, winding down from an intense week of teaching people to edit their novels, accidentally seeing a spoiler for the film I was so desperate to see. Thanks, internet.

Get off the internet, someone said. Mute all the keywords on social media, someone else said. Just avoid Twitter, another person said.

How about, respect the spoiler zone? And we can all go about our business. You have WhatsApp groups, you have private messages, you have the potential to go somewhere and discuss it in person. God forbid.

I remember when Star Wars: The Last Jedi came out. I was on Wikipedia looking for something the day of release. I then found myself on the Last Jedi Wiki, checking the running time so I could work out when I could go see it. Except, on the day of release, someone had uploaded the entire plot. And there it was. No warning. No spoiler warning. Just… there… a long long time ago in a galaxy far far away, “_________ forces, led by General ____ ______, flee ____ when a First _____ fleet arrives”. Appreciate that I respected the spoiler window to not ruin the first few minutes of a film that’s been out for over six months. Imagine being that guy, though. On the day of release, they go and watch the film they’ve been so excited to see for months. They’ve seen all the trailers, participated in guesswork with their friends, avoided articles that *may contain spoilers*. They pay their money, go see the film, leave the cinema, reflect on what they’ve seen, go home and… upload a reaction-free “objective” plot summary on the day of bloody release. Only for someone to stumble across it while checking for the running time. I guarantee that the plot for Avengers: Infinity War went up 30 minutes after the Wiki user saw the film on opening night. And I guarantee someone accidentally saw it because they wanted to grab some other bit of information about the film.

It’s the same with spoilers on social media. I get the tension between wanting to excitedly talk about that amazing (or terrible) thing you’ve just seen/read/heard and not wanting it ruined because you haven’t had a chance to see it yet. And now with streaming, when we’re all absorbing shows at our own pace, we have watercooler moments at different times while we wait for each other to catch up. “Oh did you get to the bit with… oh you know what, never mind. Oh wait, have you seen the episode where… actually, wait, also a spoiler…” It makes me miss the communal experience of seeing shows week-in week-out and reliving them the next day.

I know spoilers are inevitable wherever you look and in an age where nearly everything is on demand, let’s please, for the love of Galactus, respect the opening weekend. At this point I should admit my own shortcomings: I spoiled Black Panther on Twitter because I managed to catch it on release. I still feel guilty, but lessons were learned. So how about we all agree to publicly keep quiet on social media for the first week of release at least. Deal? And always remember… Thanos Demands Your Silence.

Contributor

Nikesh Shukla

The GuardianTramp

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