Disappointing news: Glastonbury is to be a showcase for fashion. And I thought music festivals were meant to be a tiny bit rebellious and uninhibited. Aren’t you meant to wear what you like, and make your mother worry about drugs, stinky overflowing lavatories and swirling germs?
“That was about 30 years ago,” says Fielding harshly, and he may be right. Now it’s the place for “wardrobe activism” (AKA a slogan T-shirt), athleisure, mastering “the decadent mood” and making sure to “pose and expose”. It all sounds tremendously bossy to me – being told what to wear, and how, especially when you’re meant to be going wild. Apparently, the “catwalk dictates” that yellow is this year’s colour, but ignore it, festival-goers, along with all fashion’s commands. You don’t need to go around looking jaundiced. And you don’t need to “be tactful” with the fringing on your shorts. Reject these prune-faced moralisers. Wear whatever you like. You are not babies. You don’t need instructions on how to dress when in search of freedom.
“Pair a sequined tee with a mannish oversized coat or a silky trench to keep warm after hours,” instructs Condé Nast Traveller, as if you are all dopes. Just say no. Refuse uniform, wear last year’s rags if you so wish, because fashion is the ultimate in inbuilt obsolescence. Never mind cars and electric appliances, a frock can be over and done with in one festival weekend, or even a day. And Glastonbury’s main message is about saving the planet from needless waste.
They use wind and solar energy, recycle “like mad” – no plastic bags, plates or cutlery, they even recycle/compost your excrement, and beg you not to pee in the river, murdering the fish. And please buy a decent tent that lasts, they say. “A tent is for life, not just for a festival.”
Isn’t that admirable? So why introduce the throwaway world of fashion to Glasto? Keep away, you poncey fashionistas, glampers and manipulators who are sullying what’s left of the festival spirit. Because there still is some, even if it does cost £238 a ticket. And, of course, there’s always the music.