Wearing Lycra really turns me on, but I'm worried about telling my girlfriend

You're not weird – but not everybody will understand your particular passion

I'm 18 and can't stop my urge to wear Lycra. I've always liked seeing girls in it since I was young. My sister bought some shiny leggings and I had a huge urge to wear them, so when everyone was out I tried them on. I loved the way they felt and they really turned me on. I secretly bought some leggings and a catsuit online. I love wearing them whenever I can. I know it sounds weird and I really don't want anyone to find out. Is there any way I can stop these urges? I'm worried about getting caught or telling my girlfriend, but at the same time I don't want to have to hide it any more. What should I do?

It doesn't sound weird to me. Many people develop a sexual fetish – when they become erotically interested in an object or an item of clothing. Lycra is just your "thing", so enjoy it. But your reticence about telling others is well founded, because it's true that not everybody will understand your particular passion. What is important is that you appreciate that your sexuality – like everyone else's – is unique and special. Hopefully, the partners in your life ahead will value your style of eroticism. However, it will be important to develop the ability to please your future sexual partners in a variety of ways, and you can learn to do that by being interested in what makes them feel good. If they are satisfied they are more likely to be generous towards you – in every way.

•Pamela Stephenson Connolly is a clinical psychologist and psychotherapist who specialises in treating sexual disorders.

• Send your problem to private.lives@theguardian.com


Pamela Stephenson Connolly

The GuardianTramp

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