France 5-2 Iceland: Euro 2016 quarter-final – as it happened

89 min “Hello Rob,” says Kari Tulinius. “You’re right that the Icelandic team’s run to the quarterfinals will be the subject of countless future documentaries. We Icelanders are incredibly proud of “strákarnir okkar” (which means “our boys”). The team will be greeted by tens of thousands when they get home, all singing the supporters’ anthem, “Ég er kominn heim” (I Have Returned Home). Enjoy the final minutes!”

Too right. It’s rare these days that you find a happy story without a catch, but that’s what this has been.

87 min The right-back Saevarsson surges into the box, draws Lloris and squares it across the six-yard box. Mangala gets there first to put it behind for a corner, without which it would probably have been 5-3.

86 min Griezmann ushers Sissoko into the box with a gentle angled pass. Sissoko wallops it into orbit.

85 min Coman’s low shot is comfortably saved by Halldorsson.

84 min A nice moments for lovers of humanity: Eidur Gudjohnsen, aged 37, comes on for Sigthorsson.

83 min Coman plays the ball into Gignac, who unselfishly decides not to shoot from near the touchline with his back to goal and instead returns to Coman. He moseys down a blind alley and is dispossessed.

81 min “I imagine,” says Ian Copestake, “that whenever Cantona sees the France coach swigging water he mumbles the word ‘carrier’.” Well, when he’s in public.

80 min Another France change: Kingsley Coman replaces the adorable Dimitri Payet, who scored another excellent goal and generally played like the unique genius he is.

77 min “As an Arsenal fan,” says Venki Murthy, “I may finally get to witness a killer Ozil pass that gets finished by Giroud. Oh, wait…”

Never say never.

75 min “So,” says Adam Hirst. “Giroud destroying Iceland. Five centre forwards and I bet England would have been far more effective if they’d taken Andy Carroll. Townsend + Carroll would have been a good combo for Slovakia and Iceland.”

I would have taken both, especially Carroll, but it wasn’t easy. Who could you have left out for Carroll? One of the midfielders I suppose given that Rooney was playing there. Actually yes, you could have left out Barkley who was clearly never going to play.

74 min Umtiti is booked for a cynical block on the breaking Gudmundsson.

73 min Gunnarsson is penalised for an impromptu wrestling manoeuvre on Griezmann, shoving him unceremoniously to the canvas. It didn’t help that Griezmann weighs less than Gunnarsson’s beard.

72 min Koscielny, who is on a yellow, is replaced by Pep Guardiola’s recurring nightmare, Eliaquim Mangala.

71 min This is going to sound patronising, though it’s not meant as such: Iceland’s lack of self-pity in the second half has been pretty admirable. They could easily have thrown it in but they are playing with more attacking purpose than at any time in the tournament.

70 min France are getting lots of opportunities on the break. Sissoko marauds down the centre of the pitch and plays it left to Payet. He stumbles past his man, who falls over, and then his attempted cut-back deflects off a defender towards goal. Halldorsson sticks out his right leg to divert it wide.

69 min Did you know Iceland have had 72 per cent possession in the last 15 minutes? With an appropriately roguish delivery and a soupcon of eye contact, that could be a great chat-up line.

68 min Gignac really, really, really, really, really wants to score a goal. A loose ball comes to him in the box, he gets caught in one mind but is so excited that he slips and lumps it out of play.

67 min “Is #dickmove trending yet?” asks Ian Copestake. “ Surely the finest addition to the English language since Shakespeare said “doth” a lot.”

65 min “Hey Rob,” says Andre Vale. “Sorry to disagree, but the decision to enlarge to 24 teams has nothing to do with it. Iceland won their group, so they would have been in either way.” Didn’t the Czech Republic win that group? Not that it really matters - I should have said that I meant the smaller teams generally.

63 min Lloris makes a spectacular save from Ingason’s close-range header. That was very similar to Fabien Barthez’s crucial save from Abel Xavier that kept France in Euro 2000, and required equally superb reflexes.

62 min This has a breezy end-of-term feel now. Iceland are going home, France know flip will get real when they play Germany. As such there are plenty of chances at both ends, with an Iceland player - whose name we must withhold for legal reasons because I wasn’t paying attention - hitting a bouncing ball over the bar from the edge of the box.

61 min “I once (1984?) saw Newcastle United go into half time 4-0 up at QPR,” says Mac Millings. “Final score? 5-5. QPR, QED.”

60 min Giroud, who is on a yellow card, gets a nice ovation as he is replaced by Andre-Pierre Gignac. He’s on a hat-trick but he knows what time it is, and he smiles warmly as he embraces Deschamps.

58 min Bjarnason is booked for a bad tackle on Giroud and will miss the semi-final.

55 min It’s a shame to see Iceland tonked like this. But, as Glenn Hoddle says on ITV, it doesn’t change anything. This is the time of their lives, and not even a 7-0 defeat here would stop a slew of documentaries in June 2041. They have enriched the tournament so much with their laid-back charm, their commentary and even their long throws. The smaller teams have added so much. For this tournament, if not necessarily in the long term, the decision to have 24 teams has been a triumph.

52 min Whether France win the tournament or lose 7-1 to Germany in the semi-final, this is probably the last time they will be able to relax and enjoy themselves in the tournament. That’s exactly what they are doing, passing the ball around lazily in an unwitting homage to the 1984 side. Pogba then rifles a shot not far wide from 25 yards.

50 min Almost a fifth goal. Griezmann overruns the ball in the box and is tackled; the loose ball comes to Payet, who slices a half-volley high over the bar from the edge of the box.

48 min “This is putting England’s efforts into a little perspective in’t it,” says Adam Hirst, “as if Wales didn’t already do that on Friday.”

Niall Mullen, meanwhile, sends nothing but this link.

47 min The only concern for France is that Giroud and Koscielny are on yellow cards; I’m surprsed they weren’t pulle taken off at half-time.

46 min Peep peep!

Iceland are making two half-time substitutions: Alfred Finnbogason and Sverrir Ingason replaces Bodvarsson and Kari Arnason.

“I think the Germans will will that semi final easily,” says Kelvin. “France can’t defend as well as the Italians did yesterday and they’ll probably be defending for 80 of the 90 minutes. A Wales-Germany final beckons.”

Erm, first of all, who says France will be in the semi-finals? But seriously folks, France do have a mental block against Germany; their performance against them in the World Cup quarter-final was pathetically meek. But they are at home and they have added Payet and Kante. I’d make Germany slight favourites because, as you say, France’s defence is ropey and so far untested. If there’s an early goal it could be a classic. To many it’ll feel like the final.

Replays show that Giroud was offside for the first goal, though it was really tight and almost impossible to give.

So, France v Germany will meet in a semi-final for the first time since the World Cups of 1982 and 1986. That’ll be an occasion of rare intensity. I can’t remember what happened the last time Germany faced the hosts in a semi-final.

A bit of half-time reading on Our Pep

Matuidi (I think) played a crisp low pass forward to Giroud, who tried to flick it behind the defence for Griezmann. I’m not sure whether he got a touch or not but it didn’t matter because Griezmann scooted past the flat-footed Arnason, drew Halldorsson and dinked the ball gently over him. Lovely goal.

It was a nice goal, lots of quick passing and then a cross from the right from Sissoko that eventually came to Payet on the edge of the D. He moved it onto his left foot, away from the defender, and dragged a precise low shot into the far corner.

41 min Iceland have not collapsed since the second goal, far from it, but they do look like a team who know it’s over.

38 min After another long passing move, Payet gets the ball on the left of the area and lofts it back to the onrushing Matuidi, who slices his volley well wide from 25 yards.

36 min France are keeping the ball for extended periods now. Then, out of nowhere, Pogba plays a brilliant disguised pass to start a move that falls down when Payet picks the wrong option on the edge of the box.

34 min Evra surges down the left and is fouled by Gudmundsson. The referee gives nothing.

31 min Another long throw from Gunnarsson is headed clear by Evra. Glenn Hoddle makes the good point that the wet ball doesn’t help Gunnarsson.

29 min France are playing a bit of olé football, albeit without the actual olés, and they have another corner on the right. This time it’s taken by Payet rather than Griezmann, and Gylfi Sigurdsson heads it clear.

26 min “Quite the dick move to say a game is ‘surely over’ at 2-0 with 70+ minutes to play,” says Evan Ouellette, our Dick Move Correspondent.

25 min Iceland almost score again from the long throw. It was beautifully worked, flung flat and fast from the right by Gunnarsson to Sigthorsson, who headed it dangerously towards the six-yard area. The stretching Bodvarsson got to it first but was under pressure from Umtiti and could only lob it over the bar.

24 min I wonder what poor old Roy Hodgson is doing tonight.

22 min “Honestly, I think Giroud was ever so slightly offside,” says Robert Wilson. “I’ve seen calls where if the shoulder is in front of the last defender, the player is offside. I don’t think it was bad officiating, but definitely it was a close call. Shame for Iceland. And Halldorson, who’s been excellent this tournament.”

19 min A corner to France on the right, from which...

17 min The Iceland fans have picked up where they left off before the goal - HUH! - and so have the team, who have certainly had more than their usual 30 per cent possession so far. The backpedalling Bodvarsson loops a gentle header into the hands of Lloris from a right-wing cross.

15 min “That pitch looks greasier than your town’s dodgiest chipper,” says Hubert O’Hearn. “Easy to imagine a goal coming from a Stevie G style slip and fall.” What’s Richie Aprile got to do with it?

13 min That might have been offside; Amason certainly thought so. It was extremely close but, without seeing a replay, I think Giroud was just okay.

11 min “It’s been a long old tournament so far, and my wife has largely enjoyed it,” says Matt Dony. “Signs of tiredness are creeping in, though. She’s currently giggling like a schoolgirl at Umtiti.” He hasn’t been that ba- oh.

9 min A period of harmless French passing is soundtracked by the lustiest of Huh chants from the Iceland fans. Then a long ball is flicked on by Sigthorsson to Bjarnason, who drags the bouncing ball well wide from 20 yards. It was well worked though.

8 min Gunnarsson is fortunate not to be booked for a bad tackle on Payet. He’s one of the nine who are a yellow card away from missing the semi-finals.

7 min That’s an excellent sprawling claim from Halldorsson, without which Griezmann would have had a tap-in from Sissoko’s cross. The ball is zipping off this wet pitch, so low shots and crosses are the order of the day.

6 min After a lovely one-touch move from France, Payet drills a low 25-yard shot that Halldorsson spills out in front of him. Two France players were closing in but he was able to grab the loose ball just in time.

5 min This has been a really good start from Iceland. Saevarsson plays an excellent long pass towards Gudmundsson, who runs away from Pogba in the box but then miscontrols the pass and it goes out for a goalkick.

3 min Gylfi Sigurdsson has the first shot saved by Lloris. He moved smartly away from Matuidi in the box but couldn’t get enough power on the shot. Just before that, Umtiti clambered riskily all over Bodvarsson in the box. Had Bodvarsson gone down, that might have been a penalty, though it’s hard to say without seeing a replay

3 min France are indeed playing 4-2-3-1, with Griezmann behind Giroud.

2 min “Back in 1994, before anyone in the US cared about the National team, they used to have all their friendlies in Southern California,” says Dave Hill. “I saw a lot of games in small arenas. One of the smallest was a San Diego community college where the US played Iceland. A couple of hundred people showed up including about 6 or 8 Iceland fans. I thought they needed help so I went and helped them cheer on the team to a 2-1 victory. Ever since they have been my third team behind Holland and the US.

“It was a very trying time during this qualifying group watching them beat the Dutch, but I’m glad they’ve come this far. Everyone seems to forget they were a playoff away from reaching the last world cup too. So don’t be too surprised if they can pull this one off.”

1 min It’s a rainy night in Lyndhurst Paris, as France kick off from left to right. They are in blue, Iceland in white.

“Hey there Rob,” says Madrin Macgillivray, “excitement is bubbling here in Gimli Manitoba, on the west side of Lake Winnipeg. The small interlake town is home to one of the biggest Icelandic populations outside of Iceland. Bars are packed, blue, white and red flags on every corner and Viking hats on every head. Turns out one of our table mates has a cousin on the team....Can’t wait for kickoff!”

Don’t leave us hanging; which player is his/her cousin?

The players are in the tunnel. Both teams look relaxed, Iceland in particular. This is a free game for them really. They’ve already won their tournament.

“Dear Rob,” says Ursolin Waxoh. “How would an Iceland victory tonight change the perception of England’s elimination? Would there be a re=evaluation of sorts, would English pundits and fans accept that Iceland are quite good and being eliminated by them is no big shame? Or would you all have a hearty laugh at the French, make a couple of Frexit jokes and carry on crucifying Mr. Roy? I fear this question will be academic, but still.”

The discourse around England’s elimination from tournaments rarely has time for unnecessary diversions like facts, so I don’t think it would change much even if Iceland won the tournament. I did the reaction was slightly over the top - USA 1950 was a much greater humiliation - but England deserve everything they get for looking Marcus Rashford in the mouth.

Here’s Gary Naylor “I guess Gareth Bale and co will be hoping for a France win tonight - after all, when Wales come up against Iceland, they usually get slaughtered. I’ll get my parka.”

“Hello Rob,” said Kári Tulinius. “I was a spectator at the Iceland-France game in Reykjavík in 1998. Nothing much happened until late in the first half when Barthez went for a cross he had no business going for, and Iceland scored. A few minutes later Zidane went through the Icelandic defense like he was a laser and they were a block of cheese, and set up the equalizer. After that not much happened, except for a near YouTube highlight reel goal from Djorkaeff, the Tigana of that side.

“The Icelandic team were applauded by us fans, which led a Eurosport to remark that it wasn’t often that the home team gets celebrated for a 1-1 draw. So Ronaldo wasn’t the first to make that crack. But it was a huge achievement that the Icelandic team drew with the world champions. That was very much the high end of what we could hope for. That 18 years later Iceland is facing France at home in the quarterfinals of Euro 2016 is scarcely believable. Yet here we are, and the Icelandic national team has an outside chance of reaching a semifinal against the reigning world champions. What glorious, improbable fun!”

Spurs fan will no doubt remember Samuel Umtiti from that brilliant Europa League tie against Lyon in 2012-13.

Just in case you missed it last night, here’s the comedy highlight of the Euros so far: Simone Zaza’s Fitness for Octogenarians DVD.

I wonder where Bjarni Fel is watching tonight’s game. Bjarni - everyone is on first-name terms with him - is an Iceland football institution, the subject of this lovely piece from Scott Murray before the tournament.

Players on a yellow card, who would be well advised not to give the referee agita

France Giroud, Koscielny.

Iceland Halldorsson, Saevarsson, Amason, Skulason, Gudmundsson, Gunnarsson, G Sigurdsson, B Bjarnason, Sigthorsson.

A bit of pre-match reading