The club
What heaven sounds like
"Portsmouth have won the FA Cup for the first time since 1939 and Harry Redknapp has led them into Europe for the first time. Redknapp rules the waves in the naval town of Portsmouth."
v Cardiff City, FA Cup final, 2008
Then and now
1898: local brewery owner reorganises disqualified local artillery rabble for another crack at the Southern League. 2008: about to take on Europe and getting ready to build a swanky new 36,000-seat waterfront stadium ready for 2010 action.
The credit cruncher
Currently Alexandre Gaydamak though he's been fluttering his eyelashes at wealthy suitors since January. The £600m cost of aforementioned designer stadium suggests all is well with Pompey's bank manager but might curtail 'Arry's wheeling and dealing options.
Their prospects
Will be looking to pester the top five for a bit longer this season, having developed a habit of falling away as the campaign wheezes into middle age. Pragmatism earned them home draws all round against the top four last season but we might expect more adventure this time around.
Mission for Doctor Who
Follow the smoke signals back to 2002, where Robert Prosinecki is puffing on 40-a-day in the bike sheds. Who better to combine with Peter Crouch? It worked last time, when the Croatian's humiliation of defenders allowed Crouch to gorge.
See the ground on Google Earth
Search "Fratton Park". A rare old-style ground in the Premier League, though the picture predates the Milton End roof, so the PFC on the seats is clearly visible.
The players
International game
If you're English, French or African and you're after a break in football, get on the blower to 'Arry: that's where three-quarters of the current first-team squad hail from.
Fab enough for Fabio
Jamie Ashdown could deputise for David James at club and international level if Paul Robinson's career doesn't pull out of its nosedive sharpish. As portly as Robbo but dependable, commanding in the box and positions himself well.
Breaking through
Striker Paris Cowan-Hall had Chelsea and Manchester United nostrils twitching in the past and he could now flirt with the first team, at least in the cups.
Portsmouth's got talent
David James fits football in around his art career. Any surface, any materials, he'll try them all. He spent Germany 2006 creating personalised baseball caps for team-mates.
Who'll give 110%
James has rightly been hailed for his 2007-08 season but a round of applause if you will for Sylvain Distin. He's only been there since last summer but is already an essential cog in the Pompey machine.
Who'll give 1,000%
Lassana Diarra will bust his gut for the team and will probably continue to do so for the foreseeable future (which could be anything from 10-153 days, considering how quickly he left Chelsea and Arsenal).
Story of the summer
Redknapp's fight with the fuzz ends with a high court victory ... Crouch joins Defoe up front, a strike partnership that'll have cameramen getting cricks in their necks ... shock as David James has same hairstyle two days running.
The manager
Harry Redknapp
Here are your best bits
Developed Lampard, Ferdinand, Cole and Carrick at West Ham but best known for his orchestral manoeuvres in the transfer market.
His tactics board says
"Defenders, do what Big Tone says. The rest of you, express yourselves a bit then give it to Crouchy and Jermain."
His Post-It notes say
"Lovely little number in last week's Auto Trader" ... "Pedigree Chum running low" ... "Check eBay: any bids on Nugent?"
New face
Peter Crouch
Liverpool, £9m
A goal-scoring machine for England, Roald Dahl's BFG should be a delightful companion for little Jermaine Defoe. Redknapp was keen to renew his relationship with Crouch: they thrilled Pompey fans by getting Southampton relegated in 2005.
Last season
Points per game
v top four 0.50
v the rest 1.78
FA Cup Winners
Carling Cup 4th round
League discipline Y58 R3
Top scorer Benjani 12
Fair play league 9th
In this dog-eat-dog league they're...
K9
Equipped with the latest expensive technology from around the world and possessing a surprising selection of weaponry, but K9 nevertheless appears a little clunky and can find it difficult to operate in testing conditions.
