Name: Val Kilmer.
Age: 57.
Appearance: Like a bloke who ate Val Kilmer.
Ooh, is this about the Top Gun sequel? No.
No paparazzi pics of Kilmer practising clambering in and out of a MiG-28 in preparation for filming? Or clutching a picture of an agelessly lithe Tom Cruise and crying: “How is this possible, dear God?” to the uncaring heavens? No. He’s been too busy tweeting about Cate Blanchett.
Uh oh. Yes.
I don’t suppose these were the impeccably respectful messages of a fellow actor concentrating wholly on her artistic talents and incapable of being construed otherwise? Opinion is divided. Though not equally.
What did he say? He kicked off with: “Once I flew all the way to Australia just to talk to Cate Blanchett. Her husband met me first. Or, instead, I guess, to be accurate.”
That’s OK! It’s almost funny. The next one read: “And recently I’ve had 2 dreams with #CateBlanchett in them. Her husband wasn’t in either of them.”
Ah. Still, he’s got some comic chops, hasn’t he? Structure’s good, and pacing. Ye-s.
I’m sure the tongue-in-cheek undertone reassured Blanchett, especially if he stopped there. He didn’t.
Oh. There were eight more.
Ah. One was: “Once I did a cameo just to hang with #CateBlanchett who picked up a shovel in our sc. I was so dazzled by how she picked it up I forgot my line.”
Mmm. Followed by “She’s just as amazing in person. Some super stars aren’t – Some superstars don’t do a thing to ya in person – Cate is so real it’s almost unreal.”
I hope Cate is not so real that she neglects to travel with a security detail. Kilmer ended with a four-part tweet assuring readers that his “friend” Cate would love him saying that he loved her. “I would love an actor I didn’t even enjoy if he flew the world to talk about a role.”
Nurse, the screens! Well, quite.
Has there been any word from Blanchett herself? There has not. But Kilmer assures us that she will back him up totally, so we can only wait. Possibly while a restraining order is drawn up.
Do say: “Val! Let’s talk about Top Gun 2! And only Top Gun 2!” (Or, as tweeter @DeathcapCBR put it: “Please don’t murder Cate Blanchett.”
Don’t say: Anything as a public person about another public person on a public forum. It goes public.
