Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2 – trailer review

The adventures of the boy wizard, 56, finally draw to a close with Deathly Hallows: Part 2, aka Harry Potter 8. There's just time for a final fart-off with you-know-who

After the comparative disappointment of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 1 – which turned out to be about four hours of Harry Potter looking glum in a tent – next month's Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2 has a lot riding on it.

It's been claimed that Deathly Hallows: Part 2 will be the darkest Harry Potter outing yet, but does it have enough to give the series the ending it deserves? What could be the last ever Harry Potter trailer appeared online last night, so let's see what it can tell us about the much-anticipated final film ...

1) The trailer opens with a shot of Harry Potter as a baby. As you can see, he's crying. Perhaps even at this young age he knows all the troubles he'll face growing up – becoming a wizard, losing his friends, fighting the most evil entity in the universe, getting typecast, having to go to depressing Harry Potter conventions in the middle of nowhere for the rest of his life – that sort of thing.

2)Someone has torched the quidditch arena. This means that dark forces are determined to crush Harry Potter forever, but also that there won't be any interminable quidditch sequences in this film. Swings and roundabouts really, isn't it?

3) And here's the man responsible for all the chaos. It's Lord Voldemort, leader of the Death Eaters, semi-professional Gregg Wallace impersonator and 1993 UK northeast regional vogue-dance championship quarter-finalist. He's trouble.

4) Luckily, Harry Potter and his friends have a secret weapon to defeat Voldemort: Warwick Davis and his metallic Lady Gaga-inspired bra. If anything can save them, it's that.

5) Incidentally, if anyone was wondering exactly how dark Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2 is, the answer is that it's really dark. Incredibly dark. It's so dark that I can't even tell what's supposed to be going on in this scene. It might be Voldemort. It could just as easily be Bruce Willis, though. Or Ross Kemp. Who knows? That's how dark it is.

6) And if anything, this scene is even darker. That thing in the middle might be a flying wizard, or a bat, or just a shadow. It's impossible to tell because it's so impossibly dark. This is certainly the darkest movie of the series, although you can't help wondering whether David Yates has understood the difference between emotional darkness and basic absence of light. I suppose we'll see. Or not.

7) He we see Ron Weasley comforting Herm- ... actually, who is that? It could be Hermione, but it's hard to tell. Honestly, would it kill someone to switch on a light? A torch? Seriously, anything. This is getting stupid.

8) Ah, that's better. For the sake of the audience's eyesight, Voldemort has decided to illuminate the climactic battle with Harry Potter all on his ownsies. Well, I say "battle" – it's actually more of a fart-off. Full marks to Voldemort, though. He's really giving it some.

9) But Harry Potter can't be defeated that easily. He had lentils for his lunch, and he'll out-fart Voldemort if it kills him. Look at the strain on the boy's face. He clearly means business. Voldemort is going to have to dig deep and pull off the biggest fart in human history if he's going to come out on top here. So Voldemort pushes for all he's worth and ...

10) Oh dear. Voldemort strained so hard that he's exploded. That's quite a dramatic overshooting on his part. Anyway, Voldemort farts himself to death, Harry Potter wins and the moral of the entire Harry Potter series is revealed as "Don't strain too much when you fart, or you'll pop". The end.


Stuart Heritage

The GuardianTramp

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