Admit it, there’s a small part of you that now considers No Time to Die a bit of a chore. Not only was it the first blockbuster to be shunted back by the coronavirus, but it was also in the advanced stages of its promotional campaign. Trailers were everywhere. Bus stops dripped with posters. Daniel Craig even got to host SNL in preparation for the release.
And so the thought of cranking up that machinery all over again, trying to build up the momentum to be excited by a film already past its peak, might all seem like a bit of a faff. Luckily, No Time to Die already knows this, which is why it has essentially chosen to kickstart the second phase of its marketing strategy with a trailer that basically shows the entire film in condensed form. As a result, we’re left with a pretty good idea of what will be good about the film, and what will be a big old bag of pants. Let’s dog through the trailer.
1. This image, blurred as it, is the best of the No Time to Die trailer in microcosm form. It comes at the climax of the trailer’s cold open; an extended sequence where Bond has to throw himself off a bridge to flee a car hell-bent on murdering him. Now, look at Daniel Craig’s weird duck expression. This is a shot from a middle of a sequence where he yells and grunts like Homer Simpson falling down Springfield Gorge. It looks like No Time to Die will be a film where James Bond gets the stuffing knocked out of him. That’s brilliant news.
2. Unfortunately, No Time to Die also has to acknowledge all the suffocatingly dull machinations of its predecessor Spectre, which was less a film and more a cinematic bout of carbon dioxide poisoning. And that means that Christoph Waltz is back to drearily monologue about how he’s really an architect of 007’s pain. Hopefully this scene is one second long, and ends with James Bond shooting him in the face. We’ve all just spent six months indoors – we don’t have time for this nonsense.
3. Similarly, Rami Malek’s baddie also looks like an utter bore. His USP seems to be that he can wear a mask and a parka at the same time, which isn’t really saying a lot. Nobody cares, Rami. You’d better not eat up any precious screen time with rubbish like introspection or dialogue. This hasn’t been an easy time for anyone. All we want to see is Bond getting hit in the face and then hitting people in the face. Don’t overthink this.
4. This woman is also in No Time to Die. Look what a bummer this is. I cannot state this clearly enough: I haven’t been out of my children’s sight since March, and I’m exhausted. If No Time to Die drops the pace for even a second, I will instantly fall asleep. I fell asleep three times just writing this caption. Next.
5. This is more like it. This is James Bond doing shots. And there’s none of that sleek, velvety 007 drinking going on here. This is James Bond doing shots in a hurry, like it’s closing time at Wetherspoons. Why is he in such a hurry? I hope it’s because he has to punch a baddie off a motorbike.
6. THAT’S RIGHT, PUNCH A BADDIE OFF A MOTORBIKE, JAMES BOND! Yes! This is what’ll get us back in cinemas, not emotional distress or kabuki Liam Gallagher. More of this please!
7. YES! This is Ana de Armas kicking a baddie in the face with high heels on. See that, Léa Seydoux? She doesn’t stand around all wet-eyed. She goes around straight-up kicking men in the mouth. You know, I’m allowing myself to believe that Craig and De Armas have allowed some of Knives Out’s sense of silly fun to bleed over into No Time to Die. I might be wrong, and this might end up being another Spectre-style bore, but doesn’t it look as if they’re actually having fun here? If they are, it’ll be a much-needed first for Craig-era Bond.
8. I think I’m right. Go back and watch Craig’s delivery of this line. We’ve had a decade and a half of him grumping around monosyllabically as James Bond, and for the most part it has been a slog. But here his eyes are wide and his voice is so tremulous that he basically sounds like full-flight Ian McKellen. I am already convinced that this will be the best Bond film of the Daniel Craig era.
9. Here is James Bond ducking a car that has driven off a cliff, and shooting it out of spite before it has even finished rolling. The whole film should be this. God, I can’t wait for November.