The Longest Ride review – unbearably syrupy romance

One of those rare films whose porn version will have the same title. This unbearable syrupy romance is based on yet another bestseller by the romdram supremo Nicholas Sparks, who specialises in notebooks, manuscripts, caches of love letters and messages in bottles – all telling comfy tales of old-fashioned monogamous passion for the edification of today’s youngsters, set in the rosy-hued past and in the wholesome American south or midwest. Scott Eastwood (son of Clint) plays Luke Collins, a cowboy who makes a living riding bulls at rodeos; he meets cute with brainy sorority gal Sophia (Britt Robertson), who’s taking a fancy degree in art history. Out on a date, they run into a lovable-grumpy old fellow played by Alan Alda, and Britt’s discovery of this guy’s yellowing love letters to his wife plunges her into the lovely world of their uxorious passion; he appears to have written her very detailed letters about that day’s events, on the day itself. As Alicia Silverstone says in Clueless: “Old people can be so cute!” The Sparks formula of amorous devotion is as unvarying as the recipe for Werther’s Originals.