As the comic who provided possibly the most controversial awards ceremony hosting stint in Hollywood history at this year's Golden Globes, you might think Ricky Gervais would have a word or two of advice for debutants James Franco and Anne Hathaway at this Sunday's Oscars. You'd be right: the star of Ghost Town and The Invention of Lying has taken to his blog with some salient pointers for the pair ahead of the ceremony at the Kodak theatre in Los Angeles.
Compared to Gervais's own opening, which saw him poke fun at various nominees and jokingly suggest the judges took bribes, it's reasonably tame stuff, but should Hathaway and Franco choose to follow the guidance of the man from Reading, there might be a few uncomfortable moments.
According to Gervais's script, Franco ought to open as follows: "You probably know me from 127 Hours where I play a man trapped in an enclosed space who decides he would rather cut his own arm off than stay where he was. Now that sounds 'way out' but wait till halfway through this fucking ceremony and you'll start to identify with him."
Hathaway would continue with: "And I'm the new Catwoman. The first white woman to play that role since Michelle Pfeiffer. I want it to be an inspiration to all white people everywhere. Your dreams can come true in Hollywood too."
In Gervais's version the pair would also reference the comic's Golden Globes efforts. "No rudeness tonight," promises Ricky-Franco. "It's going to be a night of the most privileged people in the world being told how brilliant they are and thanking God for loving them more than ugly poor foreigners."
Ricky-Franco then proceeds to poke fun at "mega stars like Angelina Jolie, George Clooney and Ben Stiller [who] brought light to third world poverty and famine and shocked the world with visions of children so hungry they'd been living off dead beetles all their lives."
To which Ricky-Hathaway responds: "Yeah and Yoko Ono said. 'What's wrong with that?'"
Sadly Gervais will not be around on Sunday night to see if the Oscars hosts benefit from his sage advice. "I am forbidden to work on the sabbath," he told the Hollywood Reporter in an email. "I hope my contribution will be helpful to the organisers of the Academy."
