Phenomenal facial hair: are you ready for the circle beard and double moustache?

What were people bored in lockdown bound to do? Create new trends that make no sense at all. Welcome to your new hair nightmares

Name: Improbable facial hair trends.

Age: As long as there has been facial hair, there has been improbable facial hair.

Appearance: Improbable.

Oh, here we go. Time to judge some people for their personal taste again. That sounds like an unfair assumption.

But that’s what you’re going to do, isn’t it? Mock people for having weird beards. It’s cruel. OK, yes, in most instances it is cruel. But I swear this time is different. Can you do something for me?

I want no part of this. Please, for me? All you have to do is Google the phrase “circle beard”.

Well, fine, but I don’t really see what … oh my God. Right?

What the hell am I looking at? You are looking at a circle beard, the latest facial hair trend to sweep the world.

But … but … what is it? It’s a beard that runs in a thin line from the neck to the ears, before looping up and over the top of the owner’s bald head. Imagine Saturn, but the planet is a human face and the rings are made of hair. That’s a circle beard.

What does it remind me of? I don’t know. A hairy horse collar? The miserable result of an experiment where someone is forced to fall asleep face-down on a toilet seat that’s been covered with Pritt and beard trimmings?

But why? And how? And why? The circle beard has been attributed to men experimenting during lockdown. That said, people were tweeting photos of them as far back as 2014.

Why are they so popular now? OK, the truth is they aren’t actually very popular. For the most part, Twitter just keeps sharing the same six pictures over and over again, which doesn’t exactly constitute a trend. You will almost certainly never see one in the wild, unless you happen to live in a particularly ironic part of the country, like south-east London.

Oh, phew. No more improbable facial hair. Don’t be so hasty. Remember the monkey tail beard from earlier this year, where bearded men shaved an inch from the side of their mouth to make it curl around their mouth. That’s still a thing.

Yuck. Or remember the double moustache, where people grew an exact duplicate of their moustache under their mouths? You can still see those around.

This makes me long for the days of the soul patch. You know what? All facial hair is terrible. Let’s nationalise Gillette as a matter of urgency.

Do say: “The circle beard is the future of facial hair.”

Don’t say: “Is it wrong to wish for a plague of head lice?”

The GuardianTramp

Related Content

Article image
Barbers begone! Why men are embracing the long, luscious hair of lockdown
The weather forecaster Tomasz Schafernaker has caused a stir with his tousled look – but experts say pandemic mops are here to stay

14, Apr, 2021 @1:37 PM

Article image
Has the secret of Donald Trump’s hair finally been revealed?
How does the abstract sculpture that sits atop the president of the United States’s head come into being? Tucked away in Michael Wolff’s new book is a precise description

05, Jan, 2018 @3:20 PM

Article image
How to shave and groom male facial hair
Always shave in or after a shower, using cream or oil – and don’t be tempted to get laser hair-removal on your face

Stephen Handisides

12, May, 2019 @2:00 PM

Article image
An ear and nostril waxing is exquisitely painful – but just what I needed | Adrian Chiles
I was introduced to the joys of male hair removal by a man with a cut-throat razor in 1987. Then last weekend I expanded my horizons

Adrian Chiles

26, May, 2021 @2:46 PM

Article image
The rules of public grooming: Rudy Giuliani shaves in a restaurant. Should you?
The former New York City mayor was spotted with a razor in hand at a dinner table this week. He’s not the first person to brush up in public, but some simple etiquette advice can help avoid upsetting onlookers

24, Aug, 2021 @1:33 PM

Article image
To beard or not to beard: is facial hair really a turnoff?
Nearly half of women would not sleep with a bearded man, a survey says. We asked the public what they thought of face fuzz

Hannah J Davies

04, Jun, 2018 @3:27 PM

Article image
The bald truth about ruxolitinib, the new ‘miracle cure’ for hair loss
Is ruxolitinib the drug everyone suffering from baldness has been waiting for? Don’t get too excited just yet …

27, Sep, 2016 @3:57 PM

Article image
Female shaving: why women are removing their facial hair – from chin growth to peach fuzz
Marilyn Monroe was thought to be a keen shaver. Now influencers are getting in on the act. But is ‘dermaplaning’ really a good idea?

19, Apr, 2021 @2:58 PM

Article image
The Ashford hair boom: how does one market town support 28 hair salons?
After it was revealed that the town in Kent has 28 hairdressers for only 75,000 people, we sent a reporter to find out why

Dale Berning Sawa

25, Feb, 2020 @5:05 PM

Article image
‘You look like an Agatha Christie villain!’ The moustache is back – but should it go away again?
After years of beards, beards and more beards, the moustache is having a moment. But do you have to be Mark Owen or Henry Cavill to carry one off? I put it to the test

Rhik Samadder

05, Oct, 2022 @5:00 AM