The day with another Mercurys curveball, Jim Carrey saving lives, Hunger Games hype and, erm, some birds

Last modified: 05: 39 PM GMT+0
  • PLUS: a quest to find the best Young, more tunes than you can shake a pack on Tunes at, some handy Halloween prep, and general interweb tomfoolery
  • Get in touch @guideguardian, we do get awful lonely
  • We’re slopping up pop culture goodness throughout Friday Eve so dontcha go anywhere now

So long, farewell, auf wiedersehen, good night

That’s about it from me – I’ve wrung the soggy flannel of internet happenings sandal-dry for one day and must now go home (pub) to rest my weary head (eat Scotch eggs in the pub). The frankly astonishing Louis Pattison will be in the Guide Daily hotseat tomorrow so get back here sharpish for more silly nonsense and, of course, the weekly internet-sensation-in-gestation, #Review Anything.

I leave you with this: the Eurasian Turtle Dove, or Streptopelia Turtur.

This bird hates you.
This bird hates you. Photograph: Alamy


The Big Thursday Gig Guide

So, apart from watching all the ace stuff on telly on Thursdays, what is there to actually do tonight apart from go to a gig? Besides, you know, sitting in your pants eating processed cheese and crying.

Go and see these things, safe in the knowledge it was the right thing to do.


Charlie XCX – Heaven, WC2

Eagulls – The Scala, N1

Jungle – o2 Shepherd’s Bush Empire

Birmingham: Lamb, The Institute

Leeds: Raleigh Ritchie, The Wardrobe

Liverpool: Wild Beasts, o2 Academy

Manchester: Foxygen, The Ruby Lounge

Bristol: The War On Drugs, o2 Academy

Dunfermline: Courteeners, Alhambra

Edinburgh: Black Lips, The Electric Circus

Glasgow: Royal Blood, o2 ABC



STOP EVERYTHING: Further essential Halloween stuff

Yes, yes, Halloween’s not until tomorrow but, as my scout master (fictional) used to say, preparation prevents propane’s propensity to privatise preambulations (paraphrasing fictional person). To this end, look at THIS SLAB OF UTTER BRILLIANCE before sending your blank cheques to Luke, The Guide, erm, London, and the rest of the address which you can find by Googling, because, somehow, this is the greatest thing of all time. And that’s worth cold, hard cash.


What It's Like to Walk on the Street While Being Male

You may have come across this video of a woman documenting how difficult it is to simply walk around without being harassed. If you’re a woman this may be depressingly familiar, whereas if you are a man, which technically I am, you probably felt a pang of shame.

Funny Or Die have just released a companion piece which only further demonstrates the gender inequality rife in our stoopid society, albeit by being very funny. Enjoy.


Death Waltz mixes up Halloween

We have TWO Halloween Mixes ready to drop. Selected by us mixed by @BobaFatt . Part 1 on @FACTmag today & part 2 on @guideguardian tomorrow

— Deathwaltzrecs (@deathwaltzrecs) October 30, 2014

That’s right – esteemed purveyors of gruesome horror soundtrackery Death Waltz Records (who were by us named as one of the labels defining the sound of 2014) are some dropping spooky mixes, ideal STs for whatever debauched and depraved activities you’ve got planned for tomorrow night. Here’s the first, done for the ace FACT magazine, and check back here tomorrow for the one they’re doing for us. It’ll be great, or your money back. Oh, you’re not paying for any of this. I see.

Jake Gyllenhaal does thing on chatshow: redux

He’s doing the rounds, certainly, but this is good. I’ve never played War before but it doesn’t look to hard. Unlike...oh, never mind. Insert your own nipples joke here. I can’t be bothered.

Trailer for Alex Garland's Ex Machina

If cinema has told us anything it’s that nothing bad will even come of creating artificial intelligence. 28 Days Later, Sunshine, The Beach and Dredd dude Alex Garland seeks to redress this imbalance with a film about very bad things happening after the creation of artificial intelligence. The designs look a bit I, Robot while the muted colours suggest Under The Skin. The trailer, though, as with so many, because the people who make them are clearly FOOLS, appears to give away pretty much everything besides what happens in the few seconds before the credits roll. See what you think anyway and let us know.


First up, check out this new vid from triumphant Scot melancholists the Twilight Sad, Last January. It’s taken from current album Nobody Wants To Be Here And Nobody Wants To Leave, and the video depicts what it would be like to try and recreate the Scar Tissue video, only in Scotland, and in vests that simply do not fit. I approve wholeheartedly of all of this.

Next, PMR goes at bit MOR: Jessie Ware becomes the Brixtonian Balladeer performing Say You Love Me on Seth Myers. She nails it of course, but it’s all a bit Disney romance montage for me. The vid can’t be embedded though so you can watch the performance simply by clicking you wee pointer on these here words.

And since there’s no vid to fill this space, here is a picture of a goose.

One Egyptian goose. Go on, count it. There's one.
One Egyptian goose. Go on, count it. There’s one. Photograph: Peter D Noyce / Alamy/Alamy

For woozy, neon-tinged R&B, have a listen to this from Atlanta songsmoothsmith Rome Fortune, who follows up the ace, Four Tet-featuring Small VVorld mixtape with this SuicideYear-produced effort. Bonzer.

Here’s In The Forest, the new one from a former Guardian band of the week, those wistful dreamdie (‘dream’ and ‘indie’ - that’s one of mine, that is) north-easterners VEYU. Best not to watch this with a hangover though. It all goes a bit swirly. Nausea aside, this is fairly superb.

And if you like you keep your rock stored safely in the garage (erm, I’m referring to “garage rock”. I don’t really think this analogy works) try THIS: Marlene, by scuzzy Costa Rican trio Las Robertas.

And finally, this is just lovely: Elephant Micah, née Joseph O’Connell, has plopped this affable blob of Indiana folk on the SoundCloud doorstep. Like rolling around in a pool full of stoned redneck puppies. Or something. Probably something. Again, unembeddable, but go here and swoon at it.

As such, as as in now customary for some reason, have a gawp at this, the ring ouzel. Its binomial name is turdus torquatus. Yes - a bird with ‘ring’ and ‘turd’ in its name. Go forth and tell everyone.

Winged beast.
Bewinged beast. Photograph: robin chittenden / Alamy/Alamy


More movie stuff alert

You should definitely take a couple of minutes to have a butcher’s at the new trailer for the Spongebob movie, in which our gaggle of subaquatics leave behind the two-dimensional realm cartoonery to swell into the Z-axised, IRL rotundity of 3D. It looks pretty damn funny too.

Fox Searchlight have also released this new clip from Babel and 21 Grams director Alejandro G Iñárritu’s (thank you copy and paste) snappily titled black comedy, Birdman Or (The Unexpected Virtue Of Ignorance). Michael Keaton plays the former star of a superhero franchise trying to shed the shackles of typecasting to stage a new, daring new show on Broadway. See what everyone’s doing here? Meta and shizz. It also stars Zach Galifianakis, Edward Norton, Andrea Riseborough, Amy Ryan, Emma Stone and Naomi Watts (thank you again copy and paste) and is set to hit cinemas on the 1st of January. No one at all goes to the pictures on the 1st January. Just an observation.

Goosebumps gadge writes story on Twitter

Anyone of a certain vintage remembers Goosebumps books, and the king of them, RL Stine, is ringing in Halloween with a new tale, delivered in Twitter chunks. See what you think.

I am going to try to write a story live on Twitter now. The story is called "What's In My Sandwich?"...

— R.L. Stine (@RL_Stine) October 29, 2014

People call me a loser, but that's going to change. I was in a little diner downtown and I ordered an egg salad sandwich…

— R.L. Stine (@RL_Stine) October 29, 2014

..I was about to bite down on it when I noticed something moving in the egg salad. Was I imagining it? No…

— R.L. Stine (@RL_Stine) October 29, 2014

..I saw a hairy, three-fingered claw push a clump of egg out of the way. I saw two round black eyes. A fur-covered face…

— R.L. Stine (@RL_Stine) October 29, 2014

..The creature poked out of the sandwich, sending egg salad tumbling onto the plate. It was the size of a fat beetle…

— R.L. Stine (@RL_Stine) October 29, 2014

..But it wasn't an insect. It had a furry head and eyes that peered into mine. Before I could react, a second creature poked out…

— R.L. Stine (@RL_Stine) October 29, 2014

..And then a third. My sandwich was infested. My stomach lurched. "Is everything okay?" the waitress asked…

— R.L. Stine (@RL_Stine) October 29, 2014

.."Yes. Fine," I said. "Could you wrap this sandwich to go?" Finding hairy things in your sandwich is gross…

— R.L. Stine (@RL_Stine) October 29, 2014

..But I knew this sandwich would make me a winner. The sandwich would turn my life around…

— R.L. Stine (@RL_Stine) October 29, 2014

..Discovering a new life form had to make me rich. I carried the sandwich home carefully and set it on a table…

— R.L. Stine (@RL_Stine) October 29, 2014

..I didn't hear my son Willy come home. When I finally saw him, he had egg salad on his face…

— R.L. Stine (@RL_Stine) October 29, 2014

..Yes, he ate the sandwich. If only I could have stopped him. Now the creatures are biting holes in his stomach…

— R.L. Stine (@RL_Stine) October 29, 2014

..They are biting holes in Willy from the inside, poking their furry heads out of his stomach, chewing his flesh…

— R.L. Stine (@RL_Stine) October 29, 2014

..Okay. A minor setback. But I'm not giving up. Willy is screaming in agony. The poor guy is terrified…

— R.L. Stine (@RL_Stine) October 29, 2014

..I'm so excited. Where is my camera? Willy is going to make me rich. ##

— R.L. Stine (@RL_Stine) October 29, 2014

You! Sniggering at “They are biting holes in Willy from the inside”! Get out!

Ellen scares the bejesus out of Jake Gyllenhaal

Tomorrow is Halloween: the one day a year when scaring the pants off someone for absolutely no reason ceases to be an act of social assault and becomes the height of popular japery. Ellen Degeneres has started early – here she is punking Jakey G on her chatshow, even though he probably never did anything to her. I think he handles it pretty well.

A few lunchtime things for you

I...I think he's doing a poo.
I...I think he’s doing a poo. Photograph: Other

Stuffing a wretched, moist ham and cheese into your gob while trying to look busy because you’d rather kill yourself in the face than speak to your awful colleagues about their annoying kids? You might as well look at something on the internet while you’re doing it then.

See you back here on the flipside.

Wretch because Richie Rich is set to reach your ranch

Smug little get.
Smug little get. Photograph: Cine Text / Allstar/Sportsphoto Ltd. / Allstar

No I’m not sold on that headline either. Not. At. All. Anyway, the point is, Netflix has picked up a new TV show due to be streamed next year based on the annoying 1980 cartoon and even more annoying 1994 Culkin-vehicle Richie Rich. It will no doubt be intensely annoying.

Moreso, isn’t Richard “Richie” Rich the most preposterously convenient name ever given to a character in the history of the atom? Oh, your name’s Rich? And you’re rich? OH I GET IT. NOW GO SOMEWHERE AND DIE PLEASE. It’s a bit like:

Hannibal “The Cannibal” Lecter

HANNIBAL. SHADDAP. Photograph: Allstar/ORION/Sportsphoto Ltd./Allstar

Let’s say the odds of someone being a cannibal are, and I’m being generous, 1,000,000-1, and the odds of someone being called Hannibal are an equally generous 1,000,000-1. This would make the odds of these two variables conflating 1,000,000,000,000-1, or one trillion to one, or one in 1012. Therefore about as likely as Nigel Farage being born with the equally assonant surname “Piggott”. That would have been brilliant.

Spit The Dog

See also: Spot The Dog.
See also: Spot The Dog. Photograph: ITV / Rex Features

Let’s assume the egg came before the chicken here and that Bob Carolgees didn’t neglect to give his poor mutt a name until, one day, it hocked a dirty great wodge of neck-oyster right into his ‘tache. This means one of two things: either Spit The Dog’s name is fairly convenient, or Bob conditioned the poor animal to spit through a Pavlovian regimen of beatings, rewards and Benson and Hedges Gold. Harrowing.

Max Payne

Marky Mark.
Marky Mark. Photograph: Allstar/20 CENTURY FOX/Sportsphoto Ltd./Allstar

Oh, whatever Max. OF COURSE that’s your birth name. Your parents hated you that much. Deed Pole had NOTHING to do with it. I bet he’s really called Neil Hamm. Or Adrian Potts. Or Nobby Pratt. He’s also forgetting that the name of Max has already been owned, ever since Homer Simpson changed his name to Max Power:

Who's the best musical Young?

The Fathers’ Mercurial victory surely books them a place at the Young family Christmas dinner table. But, despite their moniker, they’re just the whippersnap upstarts at this point - they’re at the kids’ table drinking Ribena, daring each other to eat a sprout. They’ve got some way to go before usurping these proud owners of the family name.

Neil Young - “Paw”

Young Knives - “Annoying lit-student cousins”

Yung Lean - “Grumpy, pubescent, COD-obsessed little brother”

Young Black Teenagers – “Drunk, ‘we-were-in-a-band-back-in-the-day-you-don’t-know-you’re-born’ uncles”

Will Young - “Cousin who moved to London and never speaks to anyone”

Kirsty Young – “Maw” (because I searched for ages and couldn’t find a single musical female Young)

Probably did karaoke at some point.
She probably did karaoke at some point. Photograph: David Fisher / Rex Features


The annual "someone I didn't expect to win the Mercurys won the Mercurys!" shocker

They don’t smile much, preferring to express their respective humour through the media of hairstyle, coat and trouser. Photograph: Ben A. Pruchnie/Getty Images

Did you bet your spondooleys on FKA twigs or Kate Tempest? It was, apparently, a two-nag race between these two. So it’s surprising then that those who betted “safely” on one of these might as well have scrunched their money up into a tiny ball and hurled it down the nearest well. Me? I didn’t bet. Gambling’s a mug’s game. I know better. I was simply mildly surprised that Edinburgh rap-scallions Young Fathers won, and nothing more.

I know what you’re thinking: who dem? Wat Dey? Why dis? So to commemorate the taciturn trio’s triumph – and, probably, to introduce a few people to who they actually are – here’s their Mercury-winning album Dead in full. Enjoy.


Hunger Games trailers: erm, we're full now

Here’s one final trailer for the bisected closing segment of Katniss Everdeen’s YA adventures. The film’s released on the 21st November and, if the previous two are owt to go by, will probably be pretty solid. But after Potter, The Hobbit, Twilight and now this, can we declare moratorium on splitting films into bits to get more cash? Wait, sorry, how much? That much, really?! Blimey. As you were.

Anyway, let’s have a closer gander at this. First, the two Mockingjay films feature the late, great Philip Seymour Hoffman in his final film role. Two more chances to hail PSH.

The Big Man as Plutarch Heavensbee. Photograph: Other

We also see Julianne Moore managing to both resemble Saruman the White and still look pretty damn cool.

My lipreading skills tell me she is saying “oowwwhhh”. Photograph: Other

Extra With Beard and Extra With Asymmetrical Hair more than earn their Equity rates.

“Look beardy and asymmetrical. Perfect.” Photograph: Other

Prominent characters remain irritatingly oblivious to the bow and arrow and crossbow’s obsolescence in an age of hi-tech projectile ordnance.

“What are all those boomy loudsticks everyone else keeps pointing at us?” “Shut up Katniss. We’ve gone over this.” Photograph: Other

And the Power Rangers turn up to save the day, though “grittiness” prevents them from donning their classic colours.

(R-L): Kimberley, Trini, Tommy, Jason and Billy. Photograph: Other


Morning is here!

And with it, and to get the day off to a jovial start, a nice early reminder of the looming threat presented to us all by the ebola virus. Luckily, said portents come from the wibbly wobbly gob of gurny funster Jim Carrey, he of renowned medical schools Mr Popper’s Penguins and Batman Forever. Here he is testing David Letterman for the disease:

Haha! It’s funny because we know he doesn’t actually have it! HA! Perhaps Jim Carrey is in fact some kind of hero. Perhaps the CDC and WHO are now utterly redundant. Nevertheless, I think more vaguely desperate out-of-favour comedians should take it upon themselves to administer invasive medical procedures on other celebrities. But then again I do hate them all. And I’ll watch literally anything.



Luke Holland

The GuardianTramp

Related Content

Article image
Walter White lives and Eminem is a Scouser – plus the rest of today's breaking pop culture news
Guide Daily is back from an unscheduled long weekend to bring you new music from Eminem & Busta Rhymes, Bon Iver and Tricky, plus more on the Breaking Bad spin-off

Sam Richards

01, Jul, 2014 @4:15 PM

Article image
New on Netflix in September – Keith Richards: Under the Influence, Line of Duty, Toy Story 1-3
The Stone rolls alone in a new rock doc, there’s another chance to see the Brit drama about cops fighting corruption, and enjoy family classics from Pixar

Guardian TV

03, Sep, 2015 @5:12 PM

Article image
Jennifer Lawrence at No 29 on UK singles chart with Hunger Games tune
Noose ballad The Hanging Tree mobilises rebel forces and extends range of Oscar-winning actor

Ben Child

27, Nov, 2014 @10:25 AM

Article image
Lorde recruits Grace Jones, Q-Tip and Chemical Brothers for Hunger Games soundtrack

Sole music curator of The Hunger Games: Mockingjay – Part 1 announces soundtrack for film, featuring a Kanye remix and new songs from the singer’s ‘true heroes’

Sean Michaels

22, Oct, 2014 @7:26 AM

Article image
Saturday Night Live: Alec Baldwin and Jim Carrey face off in debate parody
Chris Rock returns in season premiere to his old stomping grounds for hosting duties

Zach Vasquez

04, Oct, 2020 @1:31 PM

Article image
The day with the Vengaboys' return and Billy Eichner's Taylor Swift tribute - as it happened
Plus further insight into James Bay’s hat, Dr Quinn goes hardcore, bad Christmas songs, mashups galore and Lana del Rey does a thing. Vids, tunes, gifs, trailers, pics and nonsense from now until glorious pubtime. Tweet us @guideguardian and leave your comments below in the section marked ‘comments’

Luke Holland

04, Dec, 2014 @6:02 PM

Article image
The day when Ride reformed and Seinfeld turned rap coach
Welcome to Guide Daily, the one-stop shop for all your pop cultural needs. Coming up today: Seinfeld’s rap advice, Dizzee goes pagan, Walter White gets Frozen and John Lydon goes app happy

Sam Richards

18, Nov, 2014 @5:11 PM

Article image
Chris Packham goes really wild and Eminem doesn't learn – today's breaking pop culture news
Today’s onslaught of TV, film and music happenings, including: Chris Packham v I’m A Celeb, Eminem v Lana Del Rey, Mark Ronson v Tame Impala and Kanye West v Lorde

Sam Richards

11, Nov, 2014 @4:57 PM

Article image
The day when Orbital split up and we reminisced about Peep Show
Welcome to Guide Daily – liveblogging the heck out of Tuesday’s music, film and TV news. Coming up: new soundtracks for Drive and Hunger Games: Mockingjay, plus new uses for Google Glass and Vinnie Jones

Sam Richards

21, Oct, 2014 @4:01 PM

Article image
Star Wars women and the Game Of Thrones World Cup – today's breaking pop culture news as it happened
Greetings earthlings! Welcome to Tuesday's Guide Daily liveblog, updating throughout the day with pop culture news and waffle, new tunes and trailers. Coming up: GoT lookalikes, G-Unit reunite and who else should be in Star Wars Episode VII?

Sam Richards

03, Jun, 2014 @5:07 PM