One of my first memories of the internet was as a horny 13-year-old sitting in my best friend’s bedroom. We were using her family computer to search for pictures of Leonardo DiCaprio. After we ogled some Romeo & Juliet film stills, we decided to look up something more risque. We typed in “naked man” and nervously clicked through to the first site. A rectangle took up the entire screen, and – slower than the most constipated poop – an image finally began to appear. A man’s head, then his bare shoulders, then down to his torso, and then …
We heard a rustle of keys and the front door burst open. My bestie’s mum was home! We frantically shut the browser and to this day, I’ve never seen a naked man beyond the torso.
I love the internet. It brings me joy and knowledge. These days, my boyfriend and I send videos to each other from across the room, which is an esteemed love language. Here’s a selection of them, enjoy!
1. Fergie does cartwheels
The greatest pop performance in history! Watch this when you need a crazed, cartwheeling perk-up. Fergie’s grunts while belting out her chorus and her leather spray-on pants spiralling through the air is the wildest thing I’ve seen. And then the Axl Rose impression?! Fergalicious.
2. Bob Katter
I know, this might seem like an obvious choice. But I have to include this. Katter’s face is like an oil painting, spilling from one expression to another. Let a thousand blossoms bloom!
3. Wild frog dancing
When chaos and charisma collide, you get this video. I aspire to be as free as this frog. They are melodic, thrashy, unpredictable and affectionate (cue the moment they put their mouth on the baby’s head). I watch this video on repeat to find new moves that inspire and delight me.
4. Key & Peele – Turbulence
The chemistry and detailed execution in this scene! The mouth sounds! The “lower your intensity” passive-aggression! This skit is perfect every time I watch it.
5. Happy Mother’s Day mamas
I die at Eilise’s “mah-mah” delivery! My girlfriends and I have started calling each other “mah-mah” regardless of whether we are actually mamas. Because being a “rockstar mah-mah” is a frame of mind, you know?
6. Aaron Chen
Aaron Chen is one of my favourite comedians. When I watched him do standup in a tiny bar in LA, I laughed so much I got paranoid that I was developing deep, wrinkled laugh lines in the space of his 10-minute set. This apple and cheese toastie story is hilarious. And adorable: “Sort of.”
7. Stu Pedasso
The most wonderful memes require no explanation. We are all Stu Pedasso.
8. OK let’s go!
This video has led to hundreds of voice messages back and forth between friends with only the most delicate impressions of the kid’s “Okaaaay let’s gooOOoo”. It might not be technically the “funniest” video but it does have a surreal elegance.
9. Fly swatter
I’m not normally one for an ear-piercing shriek, but this is a good one.
10. Peanut butter Nutella
As a massive fan of peanut butter and Nutella and any content related to either of those products, this is right up my alley. Every time I get a spoon and dig straight into the peanut butter jar, I chant to myself “Peanut boootter!” and it makes each spoon that much more satisfying. Try it next time for yourself.