‘It felt like a funeral’: William Shatner reflects on voyage to space

Recalling the experience almost one year later, the actor admits ‘everything I had expected to see was wrong’

William Shatner expected he would achieve the “ultimate catharsis” after his historic flight into space. Instead, the voyage left him filled with grief, an “overwhelming sadness” and a newfound appreciation for the beauty of Earth, the Star Trek actor has said.

“My trip to space was supposed to be a celebration; instead, it felt like a funeral,” an excerpt from his book Boldly Go: Reflections on a Life of Awe and Wonder, published by Variety, reads.

“I love the mystery of the universe. I love all the questions that have come to us over thousands of years of exploration and hypotheses … but when I looked in the opposite direction, into space, there was no mystery, no majestic awe to behold … all I saw was death,” Shatner wrote.

Images of the actor pressed up against the window of Jeff Bezos’ Blue Origin rocket capsule were live-streamed back to Earth in October last year as the four-person crew approached the boundary of space, known as the Kármán Line, and continued on.

But for Shatner, recalling the view almost one year later, he describes “a cold, dark, black emptiness … deep, enveloping, all-encompassing”.

“Everything I had thought was wrong. Everything I had expected to see was wrong,” he wrote. “I had thought that going into space would be the ultimate catharsis of that connection I had been looking for between all living things – that being up there would be the next beautiful step to understanding the harmony of the universe.”

The Canadian, who captivated the world in his role as Captain James Kirk of Star Trek’s USS Enterprise, broke down in tears upon landing, describing having had “the most profound experience I can imagine”. “I hope I never recover from this,” he said at the time. “I’m so filled with emotion about what just happened. It’s extraordinary, extraordinary.”

But a year after touching down back to Earth, Shatner wrote in the excerpt: “I discovered that the beauty isn’t out there, it’s down here, with all of us. Leaving that behind made my connection to our tiny planet even more profound.”

“It was among the strongest feelings of grief I have ever encountered. The contrast between the vicious coldness of space and the warm nurturing of Earth below filled me with overwhelming sadness.

“Every day, we are confronted with the knowledge of further destruction of Earth at our hands: the extinction of animal species, of flora and fauna … things that took 5bn years to evolve, and suddenly we will never see them again because of the interference of mankind. It filled me with dread.

“My trip to space was supposed to be a celebration; instead, it felt like a funeral.”

He added in a recent interview with the Washington Post: “Everybody else was shaking bottles of champagne, and it was quite a sense of accomplishment. And I didn’t feel that way at all. I was not celebrating. I was, I don’t know, shaking my fists at the gods.”

Contributor

Samantha Lock

The GuardianTramp

Related Content

Article image
‘What a fool’: fellow actors criticise William Shatner’s space flight
Dame Joan Collins and Brian Cox unimpressed by historic trip, saying ‘let’s take care of this planet first’

Caroline Davies

22, Oct, 2021 @5:00 AM

Article image
‘This comforter of blue’: how Shatner’s blast into space became an ode to Earth
Captain Kirk’s profound reflection on our home planet was an ironic outcome for a trip that was meant to boost space travel

Matthew Cantor

14, Oct, 2021 @7:52 PM

Article image
William Shatner will boldly go into space with Bezos’s Blue Origin – report
Neither actor nor Blue Origin has commented on mission as some point out report appears same day as promotion for his new album

Richard Luscombe

25, Sep, 2021 @3:14 PM

Article image
William Shatner in tears after historic space flight: ‘I’m so filled with emotion’
Star Trek actor, 90, says ‘I hope I never recover from this’ after becoming oldest human in space on Jeff Bezos rocket New Shepard

Richard Luscombe

13, Oct, 2021 @4:57 PM

Article image
Tech mogul who joined William Shatner in space on Blue Origin dies in air crash
Glen de Vries and Thomas Fischer were aboard a single-engine Cessna that went down Thursday in northern New Jersey

Guardian staff and agencies

12, Nov, 2021 @9:07 PM

Article image
How it feels to go into space: ‘More beautiful and dazzling and frightening than I ever imagined’
Chris Boshuizen was one of four astronauts – including William Shatner – who flew into space with Blue Origin. Here he describes the wonder of the journey

Samantha Lock

22, Oct, 2021 @1:08 PM

Article image
Billionaire space race: can Bezos’s Project Kuiper catch up to Musk’s Starlink?
As the world’s wealthiest men chest-thump in low-Earth orbit, others wonder how their mess will eventually be cleaned up

Adam Gabbatt

15, Oct, 2023 @11:00 AM

Article image
How did Jeff Bezos’s Blue Origin fail to dominate the billionaire space race?
The company employs the world’s top engineers and has access to unlimited money but is plagued by safety concerns and toxic workplace culture

Daniel Oberhaus

16, Oct, 2021 @9:00 AM

Article image
Jeff Bezos is worth $160bn – yet Congress might bail out his space company | Bernie Sanders
If we are going to send more humans to the Moon and eventually to Mars, will the goal be to benefit the people of the US and the world, or to make billionaires even richer?

Bernie Sanders

22, Apr, 2022 @10:19 AM

Article image
William Shatner: hardest part of space flight will be getting in and out of seat
Star Trek actor, 90, says arthritis makes entry and exit of berth in Blue Origin capsule for Wednesday’s journey difficult

Martin Pengelly

11, Oct, 2021 @6:24 PM