Seth Meyers tore into Chris Christie’s cable news image rehabilitation tour on Wednesday evening, following numerous appearances by the former governor of New Jersey on such networks as CNN and MSNBC.
“Cable is so desperate to fill time that CNN even aired a ludicrous special focused entirely on Christie called Being Chris Christie,” the Late Night host explained. “Is it called that because being is the only title he has left? Governor? No, he left office with a dismal approval rating. Candidate? Oh no, he crashed and burned hard in the GOP primary. But he is still technically a being.
“I’m sorry, is there a mystery to being Chris Christie?” he continued. “You guys are acting like he’s some weird lifestyle-having guy that everyone wants to know about. He’s not Harry Styles or Banksy, he’s a loudmouth from New Jersey. If you want to know what he’s thinking you don’t need CNN. You just need to be within earshot, which is for him I think like a mile?
“In fact, if this show was authentic New Jersey, it wouldn’t be called Being Chris Christie, it would be called This Fuckin Guy,” he added.
Christie has appeared on-air to promote his book Republican Rescue, “casting himself as some sort of straight shooter when it comes to the 2020 election”, Meyers noted, recalling how the former Republican presidential candidate became one of the first prominent GOP figures to endorse Trump in 2016, and advised him on debate prep during the 2020 election.
“I guess at this point, any Republican who’s willing to say the election wasn’t stolen deserves a shred of credit, which tells you just how far the GOP has fallen,” he said. “Why are we taking Chris Christie, of all people, seriously? He stood by this obviously monstrous man for years, and he still refuses to say whether he’d support Trump again in 2024.”
Asked by CNN’s Dana Bash if he would support the former president in 2024, Christie answered: “Let’s see what happens when he does, and let’s see who he is, and what he says, and how he conducts himself.”
“Oh yes, let’s see which Donald Trump will show up,” Meyers mocked. “Will it be the well-spoken and serious statesman, or will it be the one who exists?”
On the Daily Show, Trevor Noah dug into Representative Paul Gosar of Arizona, who became the first lawmaker in more than a decade to be censured by the House this week for tweeting an anime video depicting him killing progressive Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez.
“Seeing something like this from Paul Gosar is not surprising because over the years, Gosar has made a name for himself as possibly the most controversial person in all of Congress,” Noah said, “which is actually impressive, when you think about it.”
Formerly a dentist, a profession he frequently invokes for no reason, Gosar ran for Congress as part of the Tea Party movement in 2010. And “it turns out there was one part that Gosar did bring to Congress: teeth whitening. Except instead of whitening teeth, he’s trying to whiten America.” Gosar, whose five siblings publicly opposed his run for office, has been known to associate with anti-Muslim and white nationalist hate groups.
“Someone this awful, they shouldn’t be running anything in government,” Noah concluded. “And I don’t say this as a talkshow host. I say this as someone who’s been to the dentist.”
Samantha Bee offered good news and bad news on Full Frontal: “the good news is that the pandemic is getting better. The bad news? Your ass is going home for the holidays.”
“Unfortunately for those of us who loved having an all-pie Thanksgiving alone, this year, we might be able to enjoy a relatively normal Turkey Day,” Bee said. “In terms of Covid, things are safer than they were last year,” though health experts are still urging some precautions, such as knowing the vaccination status of guests and ventilating the space.
“You should also take further precautions if any of your guests are immunocompromised or if they’re young children who haven’t received the vaccine,” Bee added. “For example, since children under five aren’t yet able to get vaccinated, you might want to leave them in the car with the window open a crack. And before someone complains – yes, I know, you also need to leave them an iPad. Jesus Christ, I’m not a monster!
“For the rest of you non-bleach drinkers who believed in science and have been vaxxed all along, it’s my most sincere regret to wish you a happy semi-back to normal Thanksgiving this year,” she concluded. “Suck it up, stay safe, and maybe next year we’ll get lucky and be wiped out by an asteroid.”
And on the Late Show, Stephen Colbert also looked ahead to the normal-ish holidays. The FDA has planned to authorize booster shots for all American adults this week, as many are seeking extra protection for Thanksgiving gatherings.
“You need extra protection for the holidays, especially for your feelings,” Colbert said. “There is no vaccine for that moment the Friday after Thanksgiving when the party bus shows up to take your younger brother out with his high school friends and you spend the night watching Manifest with Grandma.”
In New York City, health officials have been advised to give booster shots to all adults who want them. “Any chance we could expand that to adults who don’t want them?” said Colbert. “Because they’re the problem. Just deputize the Times Square Elmos to jab anyone who comes within tickling distance.”