SHIALEBOUF!! 2012? More like two-thousand-and-swell, am I right? When the year began I was nowt more than a man with a head full of positivity but without a platform to share it. Alas one day, while gazing a nurturing eye across my window boxes, I overheard from the TV box a lovely man by the name of Richard P (which I can only imagine stands for "positivity") Bacon extolling the pain of TROLLS and the damage they were wreaking across the planet. Thankfully, as I was retrieving my lead pipe, gun and flak jacket, he confirmed that these TROLLS were in fact virtual, and existed in hyperspace.
I had found my platform! So, quicker than a pigeon in a sack race, I hopped to Twitter (@ThPositiveTroll) and began righting this wrong. For every negative troll that existed in the world I would be the antithesis. Richard didn't deserve this torrent of abuse, nor did anyone; he wore fantastically delicate neck scarves, for crivens' sake. So, without further ado, here are my positive champions of 20-swell…
Real world positive troll award
My good friend Tom Daley, who triple-somersaulted his way past all manner of trolls to make a splash in the pool of positivity.
My hero of the year
Mitt Romney, who managed to prove once and for all that limitless money combined with limited intelligence was no barrier to potential success.
'Hey, you tried big guy' award
Donald Trump. For all his problems, the man really did try on everyone this year. Tip of the wispy hat to you pal.
My 'positive letter association' award
Mr Mo Farah, who managed to shine a positive light on the letter M, which is normally associated with a treacherous fella called the Ham Burglar. Way to wrestle it back you wondrous whippersnapper.
Disc Jockey of the Year award
Lauren "L-squared" Laverne. Her loveliness and tune-smithery can brighten even the most Cynical Cecils of the world.
Negative Nigel of the Year
The Mayans. These guys thought 2012 would be our last year on Earth. Well Mother Nature's shown them (at time of writing the Earth had not yet been destroyed by a catastrophic event).
With that though, we bid 2012 adieu. Remember, keep your head up, fight back against Negative Nigels and just DO YOU!
Your new best friend, The Positive Troll.
