Question Time
A hate-watching mainstay. Even the world's most placid vicar could tune into Question Time and find plenty to be enraged by. Intolerable politicians? Hate. The token entertainer on the panel? Hate. Audience members who just make a series of generalised statements because they think it'll get them applause? Double hate.
Helen Flanagan on I'm A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here
At first, the sight of prissy former soap star Helen Flanagan failing her trials was the epitome of hatewatching. Then it slowly dawned on you that you were watching a young woman with a history of anxiety being bullied with insects, and you hated the producers. Then, finally, you hated yourself for watching. The hatewatching holy trinity.
Christopher Maloney's continued X Factor success
The inexplicable rise of X Factor's resident nan-lover Christopher Maloney was so infuriating that it caused a hatewatching video to briefly go viral. An otherwise serene housewife learns that Christopher is through to the final, and explodes with rage. "FUCK!" she wails, "He's a TIT!" The video has been removed, but she will live on forever as our patron saint.
Heston's Fantastical Food
What's that, Heston? You've made a big egg because commuters don't eat breakfast? You've made a pub with a pastry roof because some people don't go to pubs? You've pushed a giant marzipan pen all the way up your bottom because The Dandy closed down? Well done, Heston.
Homeland season two
You started watching Homeland because it was great. But you kept watching because it got stupid. The bewildering hit-and-run storyline. The helicopter that the CIA somehow couldn't track. Mike Faber PI and his obsession with eggs. Carrie's cry-face. Homeland is now basically 24 at its silliest. It's awful. It's brilliant.
Kat's secret lover, EastEnders
Easily the longest, most unremittingly tedious storyline of any soap in 2012. Kat writing on a mirror in lipstick? NOBODY CARES. A three-shot of all the Branning brothers checking their phones at once for the billionth time? SHUT UP. Alfie Moon sustaining the aura of heartbroken suspicion for several months at a time? OH JUST STICK IT, ALFIE MOON.
HOW THE TAKE ME OUT LADIES JUSTIFIED THEIR LOVE
Reasons light was left on
Dannika "Aww, cos you've got an ugly dog like me"
Thiopia "Cos I'm not scared how he's going to look when e's old now that I've seen his grandad"
Piri "He's from Leamington Spa. I don't know where that is but it sounds exotic, like Disneyland but local"
Thiopia "Cos he looks like he'd be fun on a trampoline"
Thiopia "He's a builder so I'm just thinking all the things he can do my round house. Like put the lightbulb in the light"
Lois "I love the fact that he plays the saxophone. I don't play the saxophone myself. But I do play the theremin"
Reasons light was turned off
Gabbie "The first thing I noticed was that your shoes were really shiny, and someone told me once that if a man's wearing really shiny shoes than if you're standing next to him he can see up your skirt. And I'm wearing, like, granny pants"
Piri "The fact that he had a teddy bear wasn't like well bad, but then I pictured it and like imagine if he lost his teddy and then it's 'I can't get to sleep' and 'I won't sleep' and it's just drama"
Ann "Just because them shoelaces are soooo bright"
Kimberly "Those rolled-up trousers. He looks like he's going to crush grapes"
