Name: The Avocado Toast Whisperer.
Occupation: Heir freshener.
Also known as: Her Royal Highness the Duchess of Sussex, the Countess of Dumbarton and Lady Kilkeel.
Also also known as: Princess Henry of Wales.
You mean Meghan? That’s right. Born Rachel Meghan Markle. Although for a time she was Meghan Engelson. Actually, she might also be Meghan Windsor these days … Anyway, she is now the Avocado Toast Whisperer as well.
Crikey. You’d think she had enough names. I expect you stop counting after the first half-dozen or so. At least this title comes in recognition of a personal achievement.
Which is? Making very good avocado toast.
Not whispering to it? No. The title was conferred on her by an old friend, her former makeup artist Daniel Martin, after a visit to Meghan/HRH/Countess Thingy/etc at the weekend.
How do we know? He announced it on Instagram. He’s a makeup artist, remember. The post included a picture of two plates of the famous toast, plus a pot of tea and four Fortnum & Mason chocolate truffles. Plus a bit of random blanket poking in at the side.
Are chocolate truffles nice with avocado toast? Is that the secret? I think you probably have one and then the other. It was like being “back to our Tig days”, Martin said.
What’s a Tig? The Tig was Meghan’s lifestyle blog, with an emphasis on food, which she ran from 2014 until 2017.
Like that annoying Gwyneth Paltrow thing? Very much like that, I’m afraid. She is, or at least was, a fan of “homeopathic medicine” and “holistic remedies”.
Right. As she told another blog, EyeSwoon, in 2017, she grew up on film sets helping to make food trays for everybody.
At least there is evidence that people like food. Indeed. “I learned … how happy people would be when I walked in with a tray of perfect crudites,” she said.
I find that a bowl of crisps has a similar effect. Ah, but crisps aren’t very clean eating, or paleo or something. And, of course, the darling of that scene is the avocado.
Of course. Asked for her breakfast routine, Meghan told EyeSwoon: “Acai bowl, clean cleanse shake or a green juice. If I’m at a hotel, I will likely order poached eggs and toast with avocado.”
Still, it’s nice to know that modern royals live just like ordinary people, making their own toast, crushing their own avocado, eating their own chocolates from Fortnum & Mason. Just like ordinary people, yes.
Do say: “Should I curtsey when I meet the Avocado Toast Whisperer?”
Don’t say: “Damn right.”